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To wonder how people manage to afford to have a baby without a partner?

(58 Posts)
redandgreenfern Sun 19-Nov-17 13:12:10

I know benefits help those on a low income, but if you have a moderate income plus mortgage, childcare and other bills, it doesn't seem possible? Has anybody actually managed it?

TheQueenOfWands Sun 19-Nov-17 13:13:36


redandgreenfern Sun 19-Nov-17 13:14:30

I don't understand why the biscuit?

Myheartbelongsto Sun 19-Nov-17 13:15:28

I have three and an 1800 euro mortgage.

It can be done.

CoconutGal Sun 19-Nov-17 13:16:49

I bought DD up on my own for the first 5yrs of her life. It was really hard. I was working part time, receiving benefits, in rented accommodation & felt increasingly like I wasn’t setting a very good example for my DD. When I met my now DH, things did change & I have to admit I do feel (financially) more relaxed.

I have a huge huge amount of respect for all the mums & even dads who have to do it all on their own. There are good days & dark days.

JellyFarts06 Sun 19-Nov-17 13:17:44

Friends/family helping with childcare?
Life insurance payout?
A bigger income than you think they have?
Credit card debt?
Extra hours at work?
Working around school hours so they don't need childcare?
Took me about a minute to come up with that list. Is it really that difficult OP?

redandgreenfern Sun 19-Nov-17 13:18:40

Do you earn quite a lot, Myheart? I suppose you must for the mortgage.

I earn approximately £1900 after tax, pension, NI and so on.

Mortgage is £700. Childcare is probably around £1000 a month for a full time place, leaving £50 a week for council tax, electricity, phone, food, petrol, not even counting any emergencies.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 19-Nov-17 13:18:56

I did and managed reasonably well.
Although I had good strong supportive family unit who helped with childcare etc
I don't know what I'd done without them. If I'm honest.
So I'm not really comparable to a lone parent who has no family.
I think you got the biscuit because you assumed all single parents are on benefits. That's not the case, plus there are just as many married women who don't work.

redandgreenfern Sun 19-Nov-17 13:19:11

Oh, is that why the biscuit? I was asking about me, not just being nosy.

JellyFarts06 Sun 19-Nov-17 13:20:20

You may have got much more helpful responses if you'd asked about your own situation rather than a broad question that could rightly be seen as judgemental or goady.

redandgreenfern Sun 19-Nov-17 13:21:04

To rephrase then, I would love to have a child. I don't understand how I would manage this financially but other people seem to.

IHaventStoppedCravingYet Sun 19-Nov-17 13:22:16

I had a reasonable job, savings and a monthly rent I could afford. Met DH and moved in together when DS was one and I went back to FT work after mat leave. I wouldn’t have been able to afford his nursery fees plus all the other bills on my own though so would have to had to taken a different approach if I had still been on my own at that stage.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore Sun 19-Nov-17 14:07:17

I guess I could manage it in theory but I'm a good earner and the idea of mortgage plus childcare costs is overwhelming. In all honesty, I think I'd end up back home with my parents so I would have free childcare.

Grimbles Sun 19-Nov-17 14:09:27

You'd be able to claim benefits too op...

Rebeccaslicker Sun 19-Nov-17 14:14:42

I won't comment financially because not sure if genuine or GF, but what I will say is that having DC has given me the most enormous amount of respect for single parents. Even one NT well behaved child is hard work when you have a partner to split it with - all my hats off to those who cope or have coped by themselves.

Ted27 Sun 19-Nov-17 14:21:21

I'm an adoptive single mum. I adopted a school age child so didnt have so much childcare to worry about. I do get some benefits for him because he has disabilities so I work part time at the moment.
But I changed jobs to a higher paid one so I could afford the drop in salary
And I don't run a car

formerbabe Sun 19-Nov-17 14:25:59

Some single people are rich.

Some couples are poor.

Some single mums will be in high paid employment.

Some single mums are on benefits.

Is this really beyond your comprehension?

NapQueen Sun 19-Nov-17 14:27:58

As a lone parent you could potnentially get 70% of your childcare costs back in working tax credit etc.

itsbetterthanabox Sun 19-Nov-17 14:30:59

You could move somewhere with a smaller mortgage.
Childcare can be cheaper if you look around.
The father should be paying maintenance if you are the RP.

Mamabear3017 Sun 19-Nov-17 14:55:39

My ex left when I was pregnant.....I kind of didn't have a choice

Dalesgirl16 Sun 19-Nov-17 14:56:29

Please can someone tell me what the biscuit means??

LRDtheFeministDragon Sun 19-Nov-17 15:15:26

I know a few people who are single parents by choice. One works in such a way that she doesn't need much childcare (she partly works from home, and in the evenings when her daughter is asleep). Another is quite well off, but also has the kind of job that can be quite flexible. A third has a lot of help from her mother, but this was part of the arrangement before she began trying, because her mum was very much behind her decision.

It's not that uncommon.

OverlyYappy Sun 19-Nov-17 15:24:05


Biscuit = no comment (on that shit)

SilverdaleGlen Sun 19-Nov-17 15:28:47

My ex doesn't support me financially and I have 3 under 8.

Decent job, high childcare bills and debts I was left with. I have to work long hours and lots of travel though good family support to help pick ups when 6pm childcare cut off doesn't work!

It can be done but what's harder than the financial stress is the pressure of never switching off.

It wasn't supposed to be done alone but even planning in a stable relationship can go wrong! They are worth it though and as school/30hrs free etc kicks in it gets easier.

Furgggggg12 Sun 19-Nov-17 15:30:35

I work. Not on benefits or a low income but high five for stereotyping!

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