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To put my foot down with dh (Christmas related)

(64 Posts)
Whatsername17 Sun 19-Nov-17 13:02:39

Dd is 6 and has written her letter to Santa today. She has wanted a Keyboard for months having finally started lessons a few weeks ago. She's also wanted an expensive Lego set and a crystal science kit for ages. They are on her list and I've bought them. There are some other things on her list that I haven't bought and don't intend to. She wrote the list flicking tbrough the Smyths catalogue so has literally just written down anything she likes the look of - about 8 things in total including the three things we've bought. As well as the three things on her list, I've bought her another 10 presents, iincluding theatre tickets and some surprise (and, admittedly cheap) toys I know she will love. I've spent our agreed budget and I'm done. Dh keeps looking at her list and bemoaning how guilty he feels that we've 'only' got her 3 things from her list. He wants us to buy the rest and I've said no. He thinks that dd will be upset that Santa hasn't bought her the things she's asked for. I know she won't- I've managed her expectations. Dd knows Santa doesn't bring everything you ask for- she's even written in her letter that she doesn't expect every thing on her list; 'I know you wont bring everything becus its an orful lot of things but I really hope I could get a keyboard with yamaha on it please'. She gets it. However, Dh keeps saying that its only another 4 presents (grandparents are buying one of the other things as they wanted an idea so we gave them one from her list). I'm saying no way. She has enough, she understands and she will be grateful. Also, if she gets used to not getting everything she wants then that is a good thing going forward, right? Dh thinks I'm mean. AIBU?

Grimmfebruary Sun 19-Nov-17 13:05:01

I think you're right tbh. We've just been having the 'santa won't be able to bring everything on your list' reminder as child continues to add shit to his amazon wish list.

Budgets are for a reason. She seems intelligent and is getting half of what she really wanted.

MrsOverTheRoad Sun 19-Nov-17 13:05:16

I'm kind of with your DH. You went and bought things which you thought/know she'd like but that was before she wrote a list.

I wouldn't get everything she's chosen but definitely about 3-4 of them I would.

Whatsername17 Sun 19-Nov-17 13:08:02

We've already got her 3 out of 8. Grandparents are getting her one of the items too.

shouldwestayorshouldwego Sun 19-Nov-17 13:08:51

We don't always get everything as it paves the way for when they request an unsuitable or very expensive present one year. You can always bump them onto her birthday list.

monkeywithacowface Sun 19-Nov-17 13:09:11

I think it's fine. You have got her the 3 big things she really wanted. It's nice to have some surprises surely that's part of Christmas morning excitement not just I hope I got everything on my list.

monkeywithacowface Sun 19-Nov-17 13:11:27

I agree with should we've had to say no to DS's number 1 request this year as it is way over budget. He's 9 and naturally was a bit disappointed but has accepted it and come up with alternatives within budget.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 19-Nov-17 13:12:54

I'm kind of with your DH as well, maybe you should have waited a bit until after she had written her list.

If you insist you are right grin then prepare her with "Father Christmas doesn't buy all the presents on a child's list, he will select some, .....or something like that.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 19-Nov-17 13:14:03

See you've told her that, so it's fine I think.

MatildaTheCat Sun 19-Nov-17 13:15:13

It’s still several weeks to Christmas so she’s going to be adding many more items yet. At six she can’t understand the economic factors involved. I usd to joke with mybdc that we couldn’t expect poor Father Christmas to bring all of the gifts they’d asked for and he was clever enough to choose. Also I’d joke that we’d have to move into a great big store house if we had all the toys from the Argos catalogue.

Stick to your guns. And pray that the week before Christmas she doesn’t decide on something totally different and only that one thing will ever do..

BendingSpoons Sun 19-Nov-17 13:15:20

It sounds like on Christmas day she will say 'Yay I got a keyboard and ... That's what I really wanted!' not 'Oh I'm disappointed I didn't get X'. You have bought the special things.

MsGameandWatching Sun 19-Nov-17 13:15:59

I think he's her other parent and should get a say too. "Putting feet down" is not something anyone responds to well is it? Especially not in a marriage of equals.

Whatsername17 Sun 19-Nov-17 13:16:06

Already prepared her. She understands - she wrote in her letter that she doesn't expect everything. Imo, she doesn't really want the other things, she's just written them down because she's seen them in the catalogue. The things she really wants have been talked about for months.

jaseyraex Sun 19-Nov-17 13:16:27

Anything we don't get the kids at Christmas is usually bought for their birthday instead. Could maybe do that? I don't think you're unreasonable at all, it's good to get her used to not getting everything she asks for and it seems like she understands that. Can only hope mines will be the same when they're older!

Myheartbelongsto Sun 19-Nov-17 13:17:57

I could understand you not buying everything on her list but seeing as you bought 10 presents not on the list why would you not just but the other things on her list.

Whatsername17 Sun 19-Nov-17 13:18:01

You are right Mrs. I don't really mean 'put my foot down'. It's more 'who is right' I think. Dh and I haven't fallen out over This, we just disagree.

Whatsername17 Sun 19-Nov-17 13:18:51

Because I've spent what we've budgeted, My heart.

bunbunny Sun 19-Nov-17 13:19:55

I bet if you asked her to write the list out again, without the catalogue, there would be the 3 or 4 things she really wants on it and then whatever's most fresh in her memory, from the tv, catalogues, talking with friends etc.

Think it's really sensible to ask for more than you're likely to get and know it, as well as flagging up the key favourites, as it would be really boring if it was just everything on your list plus might create a sense of entitlement down the line (as happened to the horror of another poster on here in a thread about her ds who was getting snotty about being told he wouldn't be getting everything on his list which would have been £££). This way she gets the excitement of seeing what she has plus there's money for surprises she will love but not about to ask.

KurriKurri Sun 19-Nov-17 13:21:13

I'm surprised anyone disagres withyou OP. Also confused as to why people saying you bought stuff before her list - as I understand it you have bought three of the things on her list ?

YOU've bought three things you know she wants, plus some surprises, and GPs are buying something else form her list.
Your DD's note is adorable and shows she is much more sensible than her Dad grin she gets it, yes little kids will write down a load of stuff from a catalogue, but she knows she can;t have it all and she especially wants Santa to bring her keyborad, which he is doing - she will be thrilled.

And if she's still keen on the other stuff whenever it is her birthday, then she could maybe get one of them then.

I think adults get this ludicrous 'guilt' or obsession that kids will be disappointed, and it is projecting. Children understand the Santa rules - you ask and you get something from your list, not everything.

I think her taste in pressies is great by the way grin

WishingOnABar Sun 19-Nov-17 13:25:19

I agree with op, ds has been told santa gets the presents with money provided by me so he knows there’s a budget. I usually ask family to get the other bits on his list if I know they are important but they shouldnt get everything - where is the surprise in that?

FlowerPot1234 Sun 19-Nov-17 13:25:22

Oh no, not another one of these threads... Of course YANBU. Your DH is being an idiot.

NeverTwerkNaked Sun 19-Nov-17 13:30:13

Of course Yanbu. She has an astonishing number of presents already from the sound of things. That’s a huge number of big gifts listed.
Maybe your DH could donate a few gifts to a charity for children who won’t get any presents if he’s feeling the urge to spend more!

MsGameandWatching Sun 19-Nov-17 13:30:41

Any chance of a compromise where you say "oh ok let's get her one more thing then, you choose DH"? That way, minimal more outlay and he feels listened to and happy.

QuopQuop Sun 19-Nov-17 13:32:47

If I could afford them I would buy them.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 19-Nov-17 13:33:01

I’m with you. She’s sat with a catalogue and listed things off. If you sat with her and explained the function or size of some of the toys she’d no longer want them because they are pictures and different from what is in her imagination.

Ask her to repeat the exercise in a months time and at least half the things she picks will be completely different. Because she’s 6 and that’s what 6 yos are like.

My dd is 9 and she said she wanted a couple of toys - a doll an a horse. I then told her the dolls are 18” tall and not as big as she possibly expects and she doesn’t want it anymore. This would have been about £80/90 in all. In fact she’s not getting any toys as she doesn’t really play with them much and she has loads.

Pictures and imaginations are completely different. Your dd won’t even remember many of the things she wrote on her list. And if she doesn’t get the one item she still wants, perhaps someone will give her money and she can buy it (or something else) with that, which is also really exciting! Or even earn it with a sticker chart.

You do not create happy children by meeting all of their expectations. You create entitled and unhappy ones. Because the moment you are no longer able to 100% meet their expectations, they become aggrieved and angry.

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