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Relocating with children

(38 Posts)
Kellyfgp Sun 19-Nov-17 08:04:16

Has anyone been to court to be able to relocate with their children? How did it work what is the likely outcome if I was to do this?
I've been separated from my children's father for 3 years we've never been to court over access he just has them on a Saturday 12-6 I continued to stay in this area although this is not where I am from so have no family or anything here so I'm not happy
Me and their father do not have a good relationship (hes very verbally abusive) can sometimes get slightly physical on his behalf which is obviously distressing for my children as they are not use to seeing this kind of behaviour we agree that all communication goes through his mum who I have a good relationship with (he doesn't) and no face to face contact between me and the father is necessary as causes me great upset... he sticks to this when it suits him
My fiance has relocated to scotland with work and me and the children are wanting to relocate with him. Financially we will be better off and mentally I believe I would be too which in turn means a better life for my children. I in no way want to stop or cause a barrier between my children and their father. ( he currently has no contact with them other than his few hours on aSaturday.dueto his inappropriate behaviour I would be happy to put forward contact of every 3 weeks for a weekend half of the summer holidays and half of every half term for him to have them.
Does anybody know exactly what I need to do in order to put these plans forward to him?

Shelby2010 Sun 19-Nov-17 08:32:54

Sorry I don’t have any knowledge of whether the court would allow you to relocate the children. However I would doubt the commitment of your fiancé if he has moved away while knowing you may not be able to join him. He doesn’t seem to take your relationship or responsibility to your children very seriously.

At the moment your children are settled, they see their father and grandmother regularly. You might want to follow your new man round the country but don’t pretend it’s for the children’s sake - the ‘happy mommy, happy babba’ line is a Nethuns belief that (except in extreme cases) isn’t really true.

Shelby2010 Sun 19-Nov-17 08:38:38

Also, your ex is currently not allowed overnights due to ‘inappropriate behaviour’ but for your convenience you’d change it to whole weekends & half the holidays.... ? Maybe I haven’t understood this part properly?

Kellyfgp Sun 19-Nov-17 08:50:51

Yes you've "fully misunderstood" this part meerly reading what you think it means so that it matches what your opinions are on situations like this.... something you've not actually got a slightest bit of knowledge in (stated by yourself) so not only have you wasted your time writing a load of nonsense you've wasted mine too.
He has no face to face contact with me due to his inappropriate behaviour... no where did I state he doesn't have them over night himself due to this. As for saying my fiance doesn't take our relationship seriously is a laughable statement he wouldn't be trying to make a better life for us if that was the case! Now please go and comment on something you have knowledge on instead of wanting to add your pennies worth.. silly woman!

Poledork Sun 19-Nov-17 08:53:27

I was going to give you some helpful advice but after seeing your post to @shelby I won't bother!

Justbookedasummmerholiday Sun 19-Nov-17 08:54:46

What contribution does he make to decisions regarding the dc? Does he attend parents evening for example? Did he help select the choice of school? Does he have them when they are off school poorly? Is he a fully functioning df or a fair weather Saturday only df?

GreenPurpleRed Sun 19-Nov-17 08:55:45

Wow. I'm sure you'll get heaps of helpful posts after that snotty retort @OP hmm

Have you asked your ex if he'd be happy with the new arrangement? Because as you don't have an order now it should just be a case of you both agreeing new arrangements.

How far is it from where you are now you intend to move? Fwiw I think you might have more of an issue with his dm not wanting them to go?

Shelby2010 Sun 19-Nov-17 09:02:42

You wrote it, not me. So why doesn’t he have them overnight? Will the reason for this change if you move away?

Is your boyfriend working for a better life for you all, or just progressing his own career and expecting everyone else to fall into line with what’s best for him?

Don’t worry about me wasting my time, the kids got me up early & it’s this or the washing up.

fucksakefay Sun 19-Nov-17 09:04:11

You said
"he currently has no contact with them other than his few hours on aSaturday.dueto his inappropriate behaviour"

Your punctuation makes it hard to read but I can't see any other meaning

It therefore doesn't seem child focused to change that to long weekends and half holidays.

A court would be concerned about your ability to follow through on the contact you promise once you've move down particularly if there is a history of you restricting contact.

fucksakefay Sun 19-Nov-17 09:07:10

A court would be concerned about your ability to follow through on the contact you promise once you move away particularly if there is a history of you restricting contact.

BoofayTheOompaLoompaSlayer Sun 19-Nov-17 09:08:23

My sister is going through this at the moment. She wants to move about two hours away from where she is now. She is applying through the courts to move. Her solicitor believes her request will be accepted. Her ex has paranoid schizophrenia and has episodes of delusions quite often. He has also been verbally aggressive towards my sister. The reasons she is giving the court to move is that she will be close to family (me) and I will be able to offer her support emotionally and practically (by helping with my nieces).
I think if you apply to the courts to move, stating your ex’s behaviour and that you need to relocate to be with your fiancé then they’d be likely to agree. Access with your ex and the children will need to be worked out though.

juneau Sun 19-Nov-17 09:09:58

In your OP you stated that he has them from 12-6 on Sat and has no other contact with them, so your snotty response to the first two replies you received was un-called for.

Since you have no court order in place then yes, your first contact with him on this subject should be direct, although perhaps in a letter, email, etc, rather than verbally, since he's abusive (why on earth you'd let your DC spend half their time with him going forward with this being the case I can't think, but there you go).

LostInShoebiz Sun 19-Nov-17 09:14:15

If you do end up in court, let's all hope you are able to moderate your responses a bit better than here.

EmilyChambers79 Sun 19-Nov-17 09:19:35

Are you prepared to take the children halfway to see their Dad for contact?

I moved 20 minutes away and moved schools and had to go to Court, as he was seeing DS in a contact centre. He had attempted suicide and to take DS life at the same time and I still had to ensure I could get DS to the contact centre every Saturday morning.

You moving doesn't mean the responsibility of contact is the whole responsibility of your ex.

Kellyfgp Sun 19-Nov-17 09:30:12

What I meant in my post was he has no contact with me due to his inappropriate behaviour... he chooses to have them on a Saturday at the stated times.. there is no history of me restricting contact I've gone along with what he stated he wanted in regards to seeing our children and what he was willing to contribute in regards to maintenance .. they stay over night with their grandmother or auntie as it stands he hasn't up until now had the appropriate accommodation to have them over night until now. I haven't set in stone as to what the arrangements will be they were an option that I would be willing to put forward to show that I am encouraging them to have a relationship although we won't be local to him and his mother and happy to change slightly if that's what they needed or wanted.
Yes he's a history of being abusive to me but never to our children and have no concerns what so ever for them whilst they are in the fathers care.
The distance between here and there is around the 6 hour mark driving

candycandles Sun 19-Nov-17 09:30:42

I think the replies about why OP let’s the children see their dad when he’s been abusive are a bit out of order. Until you’ve been through it you have no idea how much abusive men are able to get away with and still have access granted to them in courts. If my ex wanted 12-6 on a Saturday, with no court order and no additional time, I’d bloody jump on it, limits potential for abuse when’s court would likely give him more (and sadly in my car they did, they are both suffering for it now).

But, with that said, I also wouldn’t want to move away and give my ex access in such a concentrated form. Op, I’m not trying to criticise, but if you ex struggles with behaviour now, how do you think he will cope for full weekends/weeks at a time, which he would probably be given, if you move away? Its easy to be on your best behaviour for a few hours and then drop them home, but 48hours, a week... he’s not even managing to moderate his behaviour as it is.

Ignoring that, you’ll probably have to prove that this isn’t a move to restrict contact, you’ll be expected to at least meet half way for pick ups/drop offs. That’s if he challenges it in court of course.

Kellyfgp Sun 19-Nov-17 09:31:47

Yes I'm happy to meet them half way to drop them off and pick up

fleurjasmine Sun 19-Nov-17 09:32:25

candy is correct.

candycandles Sun 19-Nov-17 09:32:43

Sorry cross post.

But what I’d caution still is that if he only ever wanted 12-6 on a Saturday, would he want them for longer periods of time, even when less frequent?

Psychobabble123 Sun 19-Nov-17 09:39:22

The court will see it from the point of view of teh children and what is best for them, so it may not go in your favour. If he petitions the court, a prohibitive steps order will be put in place to stop you going until after the hearing. A friend in exactly your scenario(moving from leeds to northern scotland) was told she could not take the children as the travelling time would greatly inhibit the time spent having a meaningful relationship with their dad. She has to visit her partner every other weekend whilst the kids are with their dad instead.

juneau Sun 19-Nov-17 09:43:58

But what I’d caution still is that if he only ever wanted 12-6 on a Saturday, would he want them for longer periods of time, even when less frequent?

Yes, that's a good point. Also 6 hours driving???? That's a hell of a lot of sitting in a car every 3 weeks for your DC. And why is going to agree to drive 3 hours to meet you halfway? I can't see this working at all OP. It seems he's made it pretty clear that he only wants minimal contact with the DC and now you expect him to have them half the time and drive 3 hours each time to pick them up and drop them off?

cestlavielife Sun 19-Nov-17 09:49:38

How old are dc ?
Going from few hours in day time to a whole weekend less regularly may be ok for older child but not suit small dc .
If older dc they may have a view.
If you get that's a lot of travelling and change to routine .

Evilstepmum01 Sun 19-Nov-17 09:52:05

I don't think he can stop you moving but you're best off discussing this with his mother surely?
My sister moved to England with her son to live with a bloke she met on fb. She took her 3 year old son with her. Her ex, a lovely bloke did his best to stop her moving so far away with their son. His solicitor told him he couldn't really stop her.
He's allowed to see his son 3 or 4 times a year but he has to drive 6 hours to pick him up and drop him off.
I think as long as you show willing to facilitate contact and meet halfway, your ex has little legal recourse. He may not like it, but life goes on.

GreenTulips Sun 19-Nov-17 09:56:20

We're you married OP?

I've no idea on this but what would happen if you just moved? There's no court order in place so you aren't in breech of anything and he'd need to apply to the courts if he wasn't happy about contact

6 hours is a long journey for kids

I'd move and fave the consequences later and I doubt he'll want to give up anymore of his weekends

familylawsolicitor Sun 19-Nov-17 10:06:23

OP can't move without permission as they both presumably have parental responsibility.

You should invite him to mediation if he is not in agreement as it is necessary to consider mediation before issuing a court application.
If you apply to court the court will want to know
- this is a genuine move not designed to frustrate contact
- there are well thought firm plans for the children - accommodation, stability, education. Practical and financial considerations of plan including facilitating contact
-impact on you and children if leave refused
-impact on children's relationship with father if leave granted
-motivation for F's refusal to grant consent (controlling or genuine concern)

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