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To think if a relationship is tough to start with it’s dooMed?

(14 Posts)
Phoenixfromashes Sun 19-Nov-17 02:08:14

Interested in views. If a relationship is tough in the early stages (fighting, silent treatment/periods of one party not speaking to another, one party feeling compromised as they wait for the other to decide when they are ready to commit) I’m of the view that it’s doomed and you’re better off out.

Has anyone had any examples of this not being the case? IABU?

I haven’t said as much to person in the relationship but they keep asking for advice and am not sure if am just being pessimistic.

Peanutbuttercheese Sun 19-Nov-17 02:11:24

I would tell them to stop wasting their time, plus no one should put up with being treated like that.

LoveYouTimMinchin Sun 19-Nov-17 04:43:46

I'm inclined to agree with you. Is it going to be difficult for you to say anything to the person concerned? I do think it's a big mistake to settle down with someone you're not naturally compatible with. Plus they should make your heart zing and want to shag them all day long.

Garlicansapphire Sun 19-Nov-17 05:03:19

I agree with you. The early stages should be the fun and exciting phases not a complex negotiation, compromise and battered feelings. I'm afraid I've been that person but was so overwhelmed by attraction for the man it took me more than a year to decide to leave. And he then told me I was the narcissist! He was constantly hot and cold, walking out and silent treatment, mood swings and then accusing me for being hurt by the behaviour.

I'm not sure I would've been able to listen to good advice at first though.

ShizeItsWeegie Sun 19-Nov-17 05:03:52

Yep, agree completely. When I started seeing my ex we had a row about three weeks in. He was completely OTT in his argument as it was over something petty. We stayed together but it just got worse. Looking back he was testing me to see how far he could push. It was a terrible relationship and I was trying to make things alright all the time which was exhausting. I booted him out eventually when I realised I was happy only about 10% of the time.

Needadvicetoleave Sun 19-Nov-17 07:04:34

YABU. When DH and I met we were extremely volatile. Blazing rows, constant break ups then make ups, back to blazing rows. Carried on for a couple of years. Then both saw sense, settled down and after almost 12 years together we are the calmest, most 'together' couple I know.

BrandNewHouse Sun 19-Nov-17 07:07:13

YANBU.

ShizeItsWeegie Sun 19-Nov-17 07:25:32

Follow your gut feeling OP.

AdalindSchade Sun 19-Nov-17 07:27:00

No, it's doomed.

iBiscuit Sun 19-Nov-17 07:28:48

YANBU.

Phoenixfromashes Sun 19-Nov-17 07:30:21

Needadvice that's interesting - glad to hear another perspective.

I'm not going in guns blazing with advice or anything, but a couple of conversations recently have made me wondered if I'm just a cynic.

Olicity17 Sun 19-Nov-17 07:34:08

Hmmm. That was me and dh. 17 years together, 15 married.

We are no seperated because i finally wokr and realised that the arguments and drama stopped because i became a different person for him. A person i didnt like.

Until 2 years ago i would have said we wete fine and its worked out.

It could work. But in my experience its not worth it.

WhatwouldAryado Sun 19-Nov-17 07:34:11

Life is not a soap opera. It shouldn't be that hard!

Phoenixfromashes Sun 19-Nov-17 19:58:05

I suppose some people like drama though

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