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Dad taking dd to ladies toilet

(551 Posts)
AdaHopper Sat 18-Nov-17 21:05:55

MN - help dh and I with a disagreement please.

When dd(4) needs the loo in a public place, he takes her to the ladies' loos. I told him that women don't like that and he should take her to the men's loo. Aibu or is he?

AskBasil Thu 11-Jan-18 17:00:48

"What do people think will actually happen when a chap takes his 4 year old into a ladies loo?"

Women don't need to defend their right to have privacy from men in women's toilets. We don't need to explain why men should keep the fuck out of women's spaces.

RadioGaGoo Thu 11-Jan-18 16:33:30

Just because you might be happy to be caught in a wee in front of a bloke Maddie, doesn't mean we all are.

I've seen Mum's caught on the toilet by their toddlers opening the door unexpectedly and because of prams.

FreddieClaryHorshieLion Thu 11-Jan-18 14:25:50

I would be ok with a father accompanying his DD / being in the stall next to me.
But I used to go to the men’s room rather often when I was a young adult / teen and that wasn’t seen as uncommon or improper.
But it seems a bit stricter in the U.K. and I understand that many women would have a problem with this. For imo very understandable reasons, btw.

Family toilets or child appropriate men’s rooms are imo clearly the better solution.

Fathers (and mothers) should start a petition for that imo...

maddiemookins16mum Thu 11-Jan-18 14:22:57

What do people think will actually happen when a chap takes his 4 year old into a ladies loo? Are women scared of being spotted having a wee?

KanyeWesticle Thu 11-Jan-18 14:22:12

AskBasil, YES!

If the standard of cleanliness and behaviour in the mens is so awful, I wouldn't want a young boy to see it either. They need to provide a clean safe space for men and children.

That doesn't mean it's okay for a grown man to come into the ladies with his daughter.

Megs4x3 Thu 11-Jan-18 14:16:03

Most places have a disabled/family toilet these days. I think most women would be shocked to see a man in the women's toilets even if he had a little girl in tow. I once saw a man hesitantly hanging around the loos with a child, clearly not knowing what to do. I offered to take her in with me but not surprisingly she didn't want to leave her Dad. Difficult situation with no easy answers. Most male loos are yucky places but I don't think a little girl will come to any harm accompanied by her Dad. My girls were fascinated the first time they saw a urinal. I guess you pick your option and stick with it. There are pros and cons to all of them - unless you can find a disabled/family toilet that is.

CuriousaboutSamphire Thu 11-Jan-18 14:05:30

And a woman saying "men flopping their winkies out" which he repeated grin

OlennasWimple Thu 11-Jan-18 14:04:03

This thread jsut provided the phone in for today's Radio 2 Jeremy Vine show (JV is away, so it was a substitute presenter)

Complete with actors reading out a handful of contrasting posts in order to set up the discussion

shock

AskBasil Thu 11-Jan-18 13:59:32

When was the last time you heard a call from F4J or Families need Fathers, to boycott businesses that didn't provide family loos or men's loos with a private bit for men's children?

AskBasil Thu 11-Jan-18 13:51:35

It's about time that men started lobbying organisations and companies for toilets which are clean and decent and private so that they cant take some responsibility for attending to their daughter's needs when out.

Some men don't want to see other men's willies either.

FGS catch up with women. Stop knuckledragging, stop pissing all over the seats and floor, stop accepting a standard of cleanliness, hygience and privacy that is totally unacceptable and stop telling women to mop up your fucking problems and move over to solve the problems caused by men.

Get on to M&S - get a petitition going - start complaining every single time a loo you use in a public place would not be suitable to take your daughter into. Change things. Stop telling women to shoulder the problem.

Idontdowindows Thu 11-Jan-18 13:49:54

I would not want a man in the ladies at any point, ever. I've not ever seen that either. Parent in charge takes the child to the parent's toilet.

NerrSnerr Thu 11-Jan-18 13:48:42

Why is this suddenly a topical news item???
I bet is a topic they’ve had on the back burner waiting for a slow news day.

Gingernaut Thu 11-Jan-18 13:46:55

Complete with actors reading out posts.....

tygr Thu 11-Jan-18 13:43:31

Why is this suddenly a topical news item???

I came here to look for it after hearing it on Radio 2 too.

Gingernaut Thu 11-Jan-18 13:42:10

This thread is currently being discussed on BBC Radio 2.

ArcheryAnnie Wed 22-Nov-17 10:32:37

just because some men believe that a penis is an access-all-areas pass to wherever the hell you want to go?

Inertia this is exactly it, and perfectly put!

blackteasplease Wed 22-Nov-17 00:36:03

I think this is another good reason for just individual cubicles, with a sink in, full length doors directly off the mainly public areas.

Urinals do need to be got rid off full stop imo . They use up space that could be for everyone and I imagine they also give rise to a lot of splashing and dirty toilet floors.

But I also agree That adult goes on the correct loo, child of whatever sex goes in with them (under 8).

Inertia Wed 22-Nov-17 00:23:58

Men's loos are just as available as women's when a small child springs a loo-needing surprise on you.

Loos are separated by sex, not degrees of urgency.

The onus should be on the man to use the toilets appropriate for his sex, as the adult. He could give any other men present a warning that he's bringing a child in.

There's a much greater chance that women will be the ones having to pee/change sanitary protection etc with the cubicle door open, because we're more likely to be out alone with babies in prams . Why the hell should we have to choose between leaving babies unattended, blocking an accessible loo (unless it's a dual purpose accessible/ babychange) and having men wander in on us pants down,just because some men believe that a penis is an access-all-areas pass to wherever the hell you want to go?

Gileswithachainsaw Tue 21-Nov-17 22:46:53

Doesn't matter if he's beamed in he's not where he should be.

The kid is not a reason to bypass basic courtesy of not entering where you shouldn't be.

And those same dads with their kids are the very ones that most the mother's on the other thread are not allowing their sons to be around In the mens.

What is so special about ladies loos that render the very men people are avoiding everywhere else , cleaner and safer confused

Novemberblues Tue 21-Nov-17 22:40:03

But the strange man isn't waltzing in, he is taking his small child in

Novemberblues Tue 21-Nov-17 22:38:26

Without doubt men in ladies loo with dd in a cubicle. No one can see mm rather than small child in often Vile men's loos with open cubicle!! As for finding nicer man looconfused hilarious when small child suddenly springs they need loo on you

Voice0fReason Tue 21-Nov-17 21:12:46

We're teaching a new form of subservience. You must cover up to must keep separate because else the naughty men will get you. You aren't safe.
I want to cover up if a man is free to walk in somewhere I might be undressed!

Cubicles give you your own space
Only if they are floor to ceiling cubicles.

Why is no-one answering the question about small boys? Why are little girls so precious they can't possibly experience a male toilet but little boys are fine?
I've lost count of how many times this question has been ignored.

jcyclops most of your points refer to individual enclosed toilets so there aren't any women in a vulnerable position. (like peeing with the door open)

Just because some women say they would be ok about this, it doesn't make it ok! Most women would be somewhere between uncomfortable and very distressed - surely that's enough reason not to be so selfish!
Especially when if the child was a boy, there would be no discussion!!

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 Tue 21-Nov-17 20:55:40

wtfdoipick was the original poster smile

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 Tue 21-Nov-17 20:54:16

Absolutely sayyou

Threads are full of 'pee with the door open' as a solution to having a buggy...ive done it many times

Very good point from that poster

TheHeartOfTeFiti Tue 21-Nov-17 20:48:53

This was discussed on radio Scotland today! There researchers are working hard!!

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