Talk

Advanced search

I’m special

(52 Posts)
whosafraidofabigduckfart Sat 18-Nov-17 00:18:50

It was dd’s eighth birthday last week and we’d a party for friends half school friends and half friends outside school

Dd invited a girl who has made her life hell before but they’re now in separate classes but both do an activity (more later)

Said girl can be difficult if she’s not the centre of attention (aided by parents) and has made dd’s and others lives a misery in the past

At the party. She turned to dd’s friend sitting next to her at the table and said to him ‘I’m special because I’m half Irish and half South African’
The boy also 8 replies well I’m half Irish and half zimbawean. She said ‘what does that mean’ and he said we’re both African 😄 - his mum overheard the conversation

AIBU to think this child is potentially being done a serious disservice by her parents if she’s being brought up to think she’s ‘special’ to the extent she brags to stranger children

Other behaviour are crying every day for months if she doesn’t get class bear / part in play - and parents go into school to complain.

Mean, excluding behaviour - it turns out that she told the small school group at the activity that she will get upset if she has to sit beside dd - so dd who has done this activity for 2 years (girl started in September) is now isolated from her group as they don’t want to upset girl and dd says she doesn’t mind .

I’ve just advised dd to stay away but any advise on what to do

Other parents would be horrified at dd being excluded in this way but am wary I’d open a can of worms.

I asked principal to keep them in separate classes and she asked me did I want to start a bullying allegation which makes me think I’m not the first

Ttbb Sat 18-Nov-17 00:23:56

That poor child. Unfortunately personality is set by that age so short of major intervention she'll stay like that forever. I'm sure she'll be diagnosed with some kind of personality disorder in the future. A timely reminder that arbitrary praise can be deeply harmful. Your DD seems to be handling it all very maturely though. Claps for you.

Ttbb Sat 18-Nov-17 00:24:57

*heavy on sarcasm obviously. She's just an annoying child. You are far too invested in this.

whosafraidofabigduckfart Sat 18-Nov-17 00:30:00

Ttbb when someone bully’s your child intermittently I think you get invested.

I’d gone along with invite hoping stuff was in the past but just found out a few days after that she was insisting dd sit away from the group.

Anyone who has constructive advise on how to handle this type of behaviour by ‘friend’ would be much appreciated

Cavender Sat 18-Nov-17 00:32:12

To be fair she sounds like a slightly socially inept 8 yo who wanted to find a conversational opener for the strange boy sitting next to her. <shrug>

I would however be speaking to the activity leader and potentially her parents about the ex mutant the group. I wouldn’t be allowing my DD to tolerate that.

ChasedByBees Sat 18-Nov-17 00:32:38

I wouldn't let your DD be isolated at the activity. If this girl gets upset, she should move or not be upset.

whosafraidofabigduckfart Sat 18-Nov-17 00:37:40

She’s not socially inept at all. She was just laying down the ‘ground rules’

She’s very much of the ‘do this or I won’t be your friend’.

After making dd cry at a play date in my house told me ‘my dress was lovely’

I’m swinging towards having a word with the other mums at the group, but living in a small town you have to thread very carefully

whosafraidofabigduckfart Sat 18-Nov-17 00:41:25

I’m just glad they’re not in the same class any more as she just made dd’s life miserable.

Anytime the teacher or another class friend said anything nice to her, she’d attack her verbally, once physically

GreenTulips Sat 18-Nov-17 00:41:25

Why bother the mothers? Speak to the leader and explain DD feels isolated and ask if they've noticed anything?
Then ask that they keep and eye and encourage her inclusion

They should be able to help and I doubt they are blind to the situation

Cavender Sat 18-Nov-17 00:43:23

The other child seemed to handle it well.

You can’t change her behaviour, you need to teach your DD how to handle her.

Do not speak to the other Mums, you open yourself up to allegations of ganging up.

Speak to her Mum.

Do role play with your DD until she learns how to handle the “I’ll cry if you don’t give me my way” stuff.

Help her craft some stock responses which won’t get her into trouble but keep the other girl in line.

It’s upsetting and aggravating but it’s all fairly standard 8 yo girl stuff I’m afraid.

Cavender Sat 18-Nov-17 00:44:15

whosafraid why on earth didn’t you raise a bullying complaint?

whosafraidofabigduckfart Sat 18-Nov-17 00:46:46

I might do that. I only found out as the other girls dad was bringing them every week as she insisted he wait outside (and it’s half hour drive so lift sharing. I dropped her as we were in town as saw dd taking a seat away from others.

I asked her and she said that ‘x would get upset if she couldn’t sit next to her friends’ hence the spare seats in between. She also said that girl was pretty nasty in car pinching in drive in and taking things off others.

whosafraidofabigduckfart Sat 18-Nov-17 00:49:31

Cavender, I only found out at the end of the school year and they’ve been apart for 2 years.

Dd avoids her (includes her if she asks to play with dd’s friends)

I asked the principal to keep them apart and she agreed. Mum and dad think she’s ‘special’ - no way they’re going to do anything about her behaviour

whosafraidofabigduckfart Sat 18-Nov-17 00:52:08

Cavender, it’s a small town, so essential to thread carefully.

yorkshireyummymummy Sat 18-Nov-17 00:56:05

Have you complained about this girl before?
You say that " girl who made her life hell before......" - what did you do when this occurred?
I can only comment on what info you have given but you obviously know all of the incidents and you are not happy.
I would not be happy about my daughter being literally shoved aside to make way for this girl in the activity. Are teachers/ activity leaders doing anything about this child?
If you are unhappy, go and see your daughters class teacher and then the head.
Look up the schools anti bullying policy on line.
My daughter was bullied by two girls - I was up to the school , fully prepared - it's al been resolved now and daughter is happy. I would most certainly advocate getting it sorted as early as possible. This girl sounds like your daughter will not be the only one who is on the receiving end of nasty behaviour.

Emily7708 Sat 18-Nov-17 01:07:15

Why on earth did you invite her to your DD’s party?!

whosafraidofabigduckfart Sat 18-Nov-17 01:08:19

I found out and investigated (asking some other mothers whose dd’s were in the same class). This was just before they broke up for the summer. I knew they were in separate classes as they announce on last day of the school year.
At the end of the last school year I contacted the principal and asked they be kept separate and gave examples. She asked did I want to start a formal bullying complaint. I didn’t at the time.

Examples would be - always moving in a group of people to stand with her back to dd and block dd (which I’ve observed)

Other examples When dd was commended on singing loudly by teacher, saying dd was a horrible singer giving her a headache.

When someone in school said dd’s dancy dress was ‘the nicest’ the other girl said it’s not nice to say ‘it’s the nicest - anyway it’s digusting’

She used to say dd’s writing and pictures were scribbles etc.

Games in yard - only my friends can play and you’re not my friend. Telling the others ‘don’t play with dd’ or I won’t be your friend

The comment about being special made dd laugh, and kind of made her think of the other girl as funny. I hope it’s broken her power over dd

whosafraidofabigduckfart Sat 18-Nov-17 01:10:33

Emily - they started an activity middle of September and dd went to her party.

All kids grow up and I’ve said just because xx isn’t nice to you now, doesn’t mean you won’t be friends in the future’

Well that ship has sailed now

ToSleepPerchance Sat 18-Nov-17 01:53:05

Hi OP, my slightly older DD is also being bullied by a special girl, and has been since reception. Please complain. Let your daughter see that it’s ok to speak out. The social exclusion, snide comments, one upmanship comments; they have ground my daughter down. Not just my daughter. Other people’s daughters too.

Your daughter is handling this well, but why should she be forced out of an activity she’s enjoyed? Why should she sit in a corner so a special girl can exercise her special cruelty to her? Why should your daughter have to acquiesce to a bully? Don’t let her think that’s how she has to behave.

Speak to the activity leader and speak to the school.

Best wishes to you and your daughter flowers

PyongyangKipperbang Sat 18-Nov-17 02:32:47

You know that her parents think and treat her as if she is the most special precious child in the world and will scream the house down a anyone who disagrees. Thats why they and she get away with it. Organisers, head teachers etc can spot them a mile away and will pick the path of least resistance. Thats you and DD.

You dont make a fuss, you dont complain, your DD doesnt complain, you just work around it all so they throw you under the bus.

I live in a small town and you are not the only parent feeling this way, but no one wants to be the first to stick their head above the parape just in case. Definitely talk to the other parents and agree a joint strategy where you all complain the second SS starts on any one of the kids. Bullies like this (and I am talking about the parents) rely on all being too frightened to speak up. Fuck that!

The SS that made DD (now 20) life hell eventually had 5 high school moves (back to the same one twice!) and is now not working and has been sacked at least three times. The other kids, teachers, heads, colleagues and bosses were/are all out to get her.......

Her mum used to brag about her DD and complain about everyone picking on her. Now she barely speaks to anyone, cant imagine why..........

CakesRUs Sat 18-Nov-17 02:47:13

It’s horrible how children bully by isolating other kids. It makes my heart sink, other kids go along with it out of fear of being the next one to be isolated. I’d try and keep away from her as much as possible. I wouldn’t intervene unless she starts picking on DD again.

whosafraidofabigduckfart Sat 18-Nov-17 08:55:52

The parents are deluded though

We did a shared sports activity and the dad asked why I was there
He said ‘was I there to watch the children so I could go home and tell dd so she could be better than everyone else’ I said no dd had started the sport like the others. What wtf - why would you say anything so stupid to another parent.

whosafraidofabigduckfart Sat 18-Nov-17 09:00:08

But do you know - if her parents are bringing her up this way. The last laugh will be on them and their darling dd. if she can’t do anything unless they’re standing beside her, praising her as she does it. What will the rest of her life hoId.

PacAMac Sat 18-Nov-17 09:04:22

Wtf did you invite her to dds party confused

whosafraidofabigduckfart Sat 18-Nov-17 09:14:31

Pacamac.

I’d mentioned again that at the time they’d started a shared a shared activity and they were getting along. The other child had invited dd to her party and dd went.

For that reason she invited ‘special one’ , who came with both parents. She cried because she didn’t like the activity.

I only found out afterwards about the seating at activity last week try the SO’s dad was driving dd and another boy (who was now crying that he didn’t want to go - according to his mum)

I’ve said no more car journeys with SO as she plays ‘pinch attack’ in the car and takes the others stuff and won’t give it back while the dad is driving.

I only found out about the pinching before. I’m just upset dd didn’t mention about not sitting with the others because it’s become normalised for her

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now