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To wonder why people have to be publicy shamed all the time?

(76 Posts)
Midge1978 Fri 17-Nov-17 21:11:47

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mums-outrage-after-sexist-surgeon-11525580

Mum Jo Martin was unable to take three-year-old daughter Jessica to her hospital appointment because she was unwell - so the little girl's dad did instead. Two weeks later the surgeon wrote a letter saying "thank you for referring this lovely young lady....Unfortunately her mum could not be at the clinic visit today as she has not been well and father stepped in manfully".

The surgeon may have old fashioned views about the roles of parents, he may just have been teasing the husband. Either way it probably wasn't the most appropriate thing to put in a letter but I think it's safe to say he wasn't deliberately trying to make the wife feel "guilty". The couple could have ignored it or complained privately but no - they decided to be publicly outraged on social media instead and now the papers are on board.

AIBU to wonder why people seem intent on being a victim and being publicly and morally outraged at every human mistake? Was there really any need to publicly shame the man like that? Who actually benefits from all this - do we really achieve a fairer society or just one where people are afraid to talk to each other?

lljkk Fri 17-Nov-17 21:21:18

I agree, Midge.

CherryChasingDotMuncher Fri 17-Nov-17 21:26:18

I think the surgeon is a bad example because actually he sounds like a total sexist dick and I have little sympathy.

However YANBU when it comes to people running to the papers at the smallest opportunity to do a Daily Mail sad face. They’re almost becoming parodies of themselves these stories

Midge1978 Fri 17-Nov-17 21:28:15

Isn’t it possible that he was teasing the man or making a jokey reference about something that was said in the appointment?

QueenNovo Fri 17-Nov-17 21:28:46

There's a group on facebook called "compo faces" for taking the piss out of the sadfacers, it's quite funny.

Wiggypudding Fri 17-Nov-17 21:28:54

Isn't the wording on those letters usually code between doctors? So manfully could mean watch out he's aggressive or similar

CherryChasingDotMuncher Fri 17-Nov-17 21:31:04

Midge it’s not appropriate for a surgeon to tease a parent in a letter about their child’s health, least of all with a sexist ‘joke’

WildBluebelles Fri 17-Nov-17 21:31:38

I do wonder why doctors write such weird guff in their referral letters. I did some personal injury legal work years ago and always used to read the referral letters and so many of them had weird and irrelevant stuff in there like 'I saw this very interesting and personable young lady for a foot fracture'. Like, wtf does your subjective opinion that she is interesting and personable have to with her broken foot? I wondered whether it's some sort of joke they play with each other.
As regards this letter, wouldn't have gone to the papers but would have complained.

Midge1978 Fri 17-Nov-17 21:33:49

Cherry I said it wasn’t appropriate in my OP.

DoJo Fri 17-Nov-17 21:43:23

Isn’t it possible that he was teasing the man or making a jokey reference about something that was said in the appointment?

If so, wouldn't the dad have explained this when the letter arrived and not gone to the papers? Either way, there is no need to point out how 'unfortunate' it is for a child to have one of her parents attend the hospital appointment with her. It's not just that he's praising the dad for something that should be unremarkable, it's that he felt the need to say anything at all other than 'x child was accompanied by x parent who confirmed that he understood the treatment plan'.

Making a point of highlighting this kind of everyday sexism is one of the most effective ways of reducing the number of times it happens and demonstrating to those who are guilty of it that this kind of attitude is damaging to society.

AnneElliott Fri 17-Nov-17 21:52:50

They all do it! I used to be a GPs receptionist and the first line was always a load of rubbish about libel lady, interesting person etc! Can't understand why they do that.

picklemepopcorn Fri 17-Nov-17 21:56:59

I expect they are trained to remember that the patient and family are people first, cases second. 'Remember, students, It’s good practice to start your letter with a remark which shows that you have remembered who you are talking about...'

CherryChasingDotMuncher Fri 17-Nov-17 21:57:35

There was one in my local rag a couple of years ago. A young man who owned a very successful trendy overpriced and pretentious hipster bar/restaurant got a parking ticket for parking his car in a loading bay. Apparently he was ‘outraged’ because he was unloading stuff for the restaurant. Council spokesperson confirmed that this didn’t count as it wasn’t a delivery vehicle. This was front page news hmm

Really this guy is an entitled pompous arse who, despite charging punters £12.50 for a small plate of pulled pork nachos, thought he was above paying £25 for a parking ticket that was correctly issued.

ButchyRestingFace Fri 17-Nov-17 22:07:02

You may have a point generally speaking, OP, but that is a tres bad example.

Surgeon sounds like a sexist, patronising fanny (to both parents) and deserves to get told where to stick it.

mammmamia Fri 17-Nov-17 22:07:44

It's about time medics stopped writing this guff isn't it? I would never have gone to the papers but I would not have been happy about the casual sexism in that letter.

I agree with your point though OP.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic Fri 17-Nov-17 22:13:32

There may have been a relevance in the fact that the parent who usually attends the appointments wasn't there with short notice and was substituted by the other parent. It may have required more explanation than usual or require some gap filling at the next appointment.

It's difficult to read the tone of "manfully"

I agree that it's really not worth a sad face picture in the papers.

missyB1 Fri 17-Nov-17 22:18:24

I think some people are just desperate for a chance to try and get some attention and or sympathy. It does seem to be on the increase.

Midge1978 Fri 17-Nov-17 22:19:48

Butchy yes but why can’t they do so privately? Why does it warrant a public shaming?

BastardBernie Fri 17-Nov-17 22:21:25

The thing is, it's just the media.
If you step back and away from it, it doesn't really matter does it?
Am I going crazy or is there more to life than the media and what they think?

ButchyRestingFace Fri 17-Nov-17 22:24:47

Butchy yes but why can’t they do so privately? Why does it warrant a public shaming?

Oh, I agree with you there. I wouldn’t have gone to the press over that pillock.

But perhaps they approached the hospital in the first instance and were given the brush off?

StringyPotatoes Fri 17-Nov-17 22:28:17

I actually disagree that it was sexist. Saying it is sexist is making a lot of assumptions about what the surgeon would have written had the mother been at the appointment which, of course, we don’t know. Having read referral letters in the past I imagine (though can’t say for certain) that it may have read
“It was hoped that both parents would be present but unfortunately Jessica’s dad was unwell so her mother has gamely one alone”

I think these letters are written to tell the story of the patient’s treatment so that any discrepancies can be cleared up. Mum might say “But you never said....” and you can go back through the letters and say “you weren’t at the appointment but I did tell Dad”.

This is a guess but it’s no more or less stupid than guessing the surgeon was being ignorant and sexist.

kootoo123 Fri 17-Nov-17 22:29:20

While I agree in principle the mirror and mail troll through social media and mumsnet and post stories without the subject s ever contacting them. So some people dont run to the papers they just vent on their facebook page or twitter and its in the papers.

Midge1978 Fri 17-Nov-17 22:34:38

But again why even vent on social media? Why the need to court sympathy? Are people really losing the ability to deal with life themselves without having to garner public support?

WildBluebelles Sat 18-Nov-17 08:39:47

“It was hoped that both parents would be present but unfortunately Jessica’s dad was unwell so her mother has gamely one alone”

But why would you write that though? 'Gamely come alone'?? It's a freaking hospital appointment, not a trek to the North Pole. You just say 'Jessica was accompanied by her mother/father/whoever on this occasion'. Some of these consultants need their heads extracting from their arses.

WildBluebelles Sat 18-Nov-17 08:41:44

Why the need to court sympathy? Are people really losing the ability to deal with life themselves without having to garner public support?

I think the more people call this shit out, the less it will happen because it will no longer be acceptable. Would you think it acceptable if there was a racial stereotype in a doctor's letter? 60 years ago, that would no doubt have been considered fine. I guess people just want the world to catch up re sexist behaviour too.

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