Son's Christmas gift entitlement. AIBU?

[honeylulu]

I think I know the answer to this but I agreed I would put it out there on mumsnet and ask for opinions which I will then show him.

Son is 12 (13 in April). I always ask him to do a Christmas list and until now it's been fine but in the last year he's developed a serious designer clothing/shoes interest. This is not inherited from me or his dad btw! We live fairly modestly.

His list this year is eye watering and includes: Pomeranian dog; Gucci shoes and belt, Armani jeans, Tissot watch etc.

We are comfortably off (household income in the region of £150k) and until now we've felt able to fulfil his wishes, given that his lists have been much more modest in previous years. For example last year he had a laptop as his main present and we spent around £500 including stocking gifts. I realise that I maybe should have started managing his expectations earlier but it hasn't been issue so far.

This year his whole list would run into thousands! So we have had to caution that he will only get a very limited amount of the items, or he can reduce the designer-ness of his requests and get more items but we are not a bottomless money pit. His reaction was that we have always got him what he asked for so far why not this year?

Rather unchristmassy but we said that there is a budget. (By way of background we are about to buy a big do-er upper of a house and will have to also keep /fund our current house until we can renovate enough to move in so money is tighter this year although we had agreed we would not reduce the usual budget for kids gifts, just have less ourselves). The budget similar to last year is, for him, £400 plus extra for stocking gifts. (We also have a 3 year old but can get away with a much smaller budget for her as she is happy with My Little Ponies etc at the moment.)

He says his friends get much more than that - more presents/ bigger budget even though their parents earn less and we are mean and can afford more. We think that is bollocks. We probably could afford more but that's not the point.

£400 seems like plenty for main presents.

AIBU? I will be showing any replied to husband and son.

[SparklingSnowfall]

To get all of his items is absolutely ludicrous!! £400 is very generous, he should be grateful for that!

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

YANBU - and he is old enough to understand the difference between his previous lists and this year’s.

[RaeSkywalker]

Well, it shouldn’t really be a negotiation, should it. You can afford what you can afford.

And £400 plus extras is VERY generous.

[parrotonmyshoulder]

Is the dog a joke?

[babymouse]

YANBU! There's a reason they are called wish lists!

[BakedBeans47]

With that attitude he’d get fuck all from me, that’d teach him a lesson.

YANBU

[ColinCreevy]

I'm just imagining this 12 year old wandering about in his Gucci get up like a little Liberace toating a Pomeranian dog and it's really made me chuckle.
YANBU he needs to make his expectations a bit more realistic and be grateful for what he does get.

[BlackSwan79]

£400 is more than enough for main presents and I imagine most people don’t get that much spent on them so doubt all his friends get more. He needs to scale back his list and stop being so entitled.

[HighwayDragon1]

Even my 7 year old knows greedy girls get nothing. I'm​afraid indulging him may have spoilt him. What I'd do is buy nothing off the list, donate half his present budget to a homeless charity and buy a couple of bits and pieces though it sounds like he deserves nothing

[Snausage]

Wowsers. What on earth is he watching that makes him want a handbag dog and Gucci shoes?!

A Tissot watch is a huge gift all of its own.

I think your son needs to rein himself in. It sounds as if he is dripping in entitlement which is a really ugly trait.

[Haudyerwheesht]

If my child who was old enough to understand behaved like this I would get them very little. Certainly not anything like £400+ he sounds like a spoiled and ungrateful brat and you won't be doing him or you any favours by indulging him.

[TittyGolightly]

Spending Xmas day at the nearest homeless shelter should give him a bit of perspective.

[pinkbraces]

I would think you have a much greater problem than a Xmas list!

[chantico]

If this is serious, the answer are:

• no livestock, ever. Pets aren't presents, they're a commitment.
  
• no designer clothes before he's stopped growing, and perhaps later than that
  
• a good watch is a good idea, but perhaps one that will see him through to landmark purchase for 18th/21st rather than expensive now

[percypig]

YANBU and as others have said, he should understand that a) he won’t get everything he wants and b) even if you could afford it all, you wouldn’t choose to waste money on shoes etc in this way.

For comparison we have a similar household income and have never spent more than about £150 per child on a Christmas or birthday present for our 3 (aged 11, 9 and 7) apart from big things like a trampoline and wooden swing/climbing frame which were joint gifts and included a contribution from grandparents. Our eldest saved up £200 to buy a second hand laptop and has no expectation that we would spend that much on him.

[M00nUnit]

Ridiculous. His expectations are far higher than what is reasonable, especially for a 12 year old boy who presumably won't be reciprocating by buying you expensive designer gifts in return.

[BathTangle]

DS is the same age and our financial circumstances are similar. We have already had a conversation about how worthwhile his various wish list items are i.e. very overpriced.

A couple of months ago he told me that all of his classmates have iPhones. I checked: most have older model phones on SIM only deals. The one who had an iPhone had dropped it down the loo so was now banned from having a phone at all!

Message: no YANBU and don't believe what they say about their friends!

[PodgeBod]

Sorry but it sounds like he has a seriously spoiled attitude. He’s well old enough to understand that those things are expensive and he can’t get everything he asks for.

[Mooey89]

Tell him that some children in this country will be homeless this Christmas.

Some children are only being fed thanks to food banks, in this country.

Some children have just sailed over here in a fucking BOAT, leaving all their belongings and probably losing family, running from fear of death.

Honestly.

Use this as an opportunity to teach your child about what is important.

Honestly with an attitude like that I would be assisting him to take some of his things to charity and gifting him with a lump of coal this year!

[mumontherun14]

I have a similar son 13 with expensive tastes. I have tried my best to teach him to seek out bargains and wait for sales etc. I feel those types of luxuries are what people who are working and earning a wage would buy for themselves as a treat if they chose too and not what you'd expect form anyone as a gift. This year my DS has 300-400 budget. He has shopped around for a Hugo boss watch and a jacket. I haven't bought the jacket yet am waiting for the Black Friday sales. I've also encouraged him to clear out some of his old designer jackets and he sold them on EBay and treated himself to new football boots with the proceeds. I don't know many of his friends who get more than 300 or 400 spent on them as most families have a few kids. Tell him he has a budget and get him to research online what he'd like for that and then he can hit the sales in January for any other things he'd like x

[NegansBitch]

I would set a budget....my ds is 9 and asked for a large lego set this year which was over £200. He was told that it cost too much and he wouldn't be getting that much spent and to choose something up to £100. He was fine at this and went away to look for other things.

at your ds age, he SHOULD know about budgets and not behaving so spoilt. I would say he either makes the list to fit your budget or he will get nothing.

And definitely, say NO to the puppy.... a dog is for life not just for Christmas, and it's all cute when seeing them in photos but is he really going to get up in the middle of the night to take it out 3-4 times when its young. Is he going to walk it when it's throwing it down and freezing? will he be willing to pick up poo and sort out anything it chews up....you can guarantee in a few weeks it will be your responsibility!

[pasturesgreen]

What's with all the OTT Christmas threads these days?

I hope to God the Pomeranian is a joke. He sounds ungrateful and entitled, no way I'd spend £400+ on him with that attitude, if he were my son.

[Bobbins43]

£400 is almost a mortgage payment for me. If he’s dead set on designer stuff, buy him one thing and one thing only. You could probably do with some of that for your house, no?

[Ethylred]

Not sure that the words "gift" and "entitlement" belong together.