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No money. Mess everywhere. Depressed

(80 Posts)
notcopingbugger Fri 17-Nov-17 19:54:51

Trying to pull myself together

Our home is in such a state I won't let anybody in or open the door properly

Even if it was tidy I can't afford to decorate it and no energy

I'm overweight and overwhelmed and comfort myself binge eating into an early grave

My health is awful. My home is awful. I'm crap at relationships and unemployed currently

Need help pulling myself up and together. Motivate me please. I want to run away but I can't

OwlinaTree Fri 17-Nov-17 20:00:47

Pick one room and tidy that up? I'd start with the living room.

Go to bed at a reasonable time, get up in the morning, wash, get dressed. Eat proper meals. Go out in the fresh air once a day. This will help your mental health.

I don't have any advice about the binge eating other than to not buy the stuff you binge on but I'm sure you will have considered that.

Good luck. You are important. Take care of yourself.

starsorwater Fri 17-Nov-17 20:01:41

You've started all ready. You've recognised the problem.


It's my problem too. I've got 5 mugs, 4 books, the dog brush, a bottle of Night Nurse and a handful of felt pens on the tiny table next to me. I'm going to clear it.

AnnabellaH Fri 17-Nov-17 20:03:19

"30 days to a clean and tidy house" look it up. It's saved my sanity! A few little things each day and you can find it all on the blog if you can't afford the book. Can you go out for a walk every day, somewhere nice?

RandomMess Fri 17-Nov-17 20:03:47

I hour per day sort an area of a room into piles - keep, bin, charity shop. Then find a home for things to keep and take stuff to charity shop or put in a dedicated space and take once per week.

Is that achievable- will probably take you up to 2 hours per day, focus on one room per week?

Downtheroadfirstonleft Fri 17-Nov-17 20:04:30

Find the Fly Lady thread on moneysavingexpert.co.uk That will give you support and inspiration for cleaning. I believe that she starts with you cleaning your sink and then goes from there.

The Marie Kondo approach is fab for decluttering. Threads on here and moneysavingexpert about that.

Attagirl!

OCSockOrphanage Fri 17-Nov-17 20:06:14

Yup! It's all true. It will put YOU in control of your life!

BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried Fri 17-Nov-17 20:06:39

RIght, I’ve been here and the absolute key to this and your starting point is getting a good night’s sleep consistently. Nothing will happen whilst you are a zombie. So, are you getting a solid 8 hours (at least) very night? If not, that is Your first target. When you are getting a decent nights sleep for 30 days or more, you can pick your next step. You will probably find you are ready to do that much sooner than 30 days though as if makes such a massive difference.

BeerBaby Fri 17-Nov-17 20:07:35

One room at a time. Put everything that doesn't belong in that room into a bin, washing basket or something similar. Then tidy up everything that belongs in the room. Chuck out the crap! Give the room a good clean. It'll make the place look better, smell better and give you a clutter free place to rest. Then the next day start on room 2.

Chuck the crap out!

LadyGrey66 Fri 17-Nov-17 20:09:16

Focus on small things you can change to start with OP. Having things tidy will make everything feel a bit better - I've always found Fly Lady really helpful when the house has got out of control: www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/flying-lessons/crisis-cleaning/

Good luck and be kind to yourself.

notcopingbugger Fri 17-Nov-17 20:09:20

No I don't sleep. I procrastinate and self sabotage and eat junk food

Then I go out and pretend I'm fine. I'm not. It's school pick up before I get dressed some days and I've slept in my clothes

Labradoodliedoodoo Fri 17-Nov-17 20:09:25

Marie Kondo. Serious declutter

Afreshstartplease Fri 17-Nov-17 20:12:00

There is a fly lady thread on mn!

Glitterkitten24 Fri 17-Nov-17 20:12:55

Baby steps.
Set a timer for 10 minutes, chose a room and grab a bin bag. Anything broken/rubbish/incomplete bin it.
Move quickly, it's only 10 minutes- then, have a cup of tea as a reward.
Chances are you'll be ready for another 10 minutes after your tea.
My house and clutter has a huge impact on my mental health, so tackling the mess automatically makes me feel better.

RandomMess Fri 17-Nov-17 20:13:36

Ok why don’t you start with self care. Each day shower and get dressed by 10am or something? Bit of make up on?

BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried Fri 17-Nov-17 20:13:52

I procrastinate and self sabotage and eat junk food

Then I go out and pretend I'm fine. I'm not. It's school pick up before I get dressed some days and I've slept in my clothes

Yep. Tick to all of those for me, and I can tell you, it’s far more common than you think. My friend called in last night and I asked “how are ya?” (As you do) and she said “tbh I feel like shite” and I said “you know what, so do I” And the two of us burst out laughing and then whinged about what losers we were.

But enough of that. Sleep is your key here. I promise you. We massively underestimate the value of sleep. It impacts every single aspect of our lives.

What do you need to happen to get a good night, every night?

zebedebe Fri 17-Nov-17 20:14:13

You sound very low and in need of some support. Can you speak to your GP about a referral for counselling or therapy? Do you have any friends or family to turn to?

With the tidying, start with one room, probably your living room. Get rid of everything that doesn’t make you happy, is essential or in good nick. Try to spend one hour in the morning and maybe another in the afternoon. You will get there. Good luck OP.

AmysTiara Fri 17-Nov-17 20:14:49

I was going to say just do what you can in ten mins. It stops it feeling too overwhelming.

You could expand to ten mins in morning ten mins in the afternoon and ten mins before bed

notcopingbugger Fri 17-Nov-17 20:16:22

Already having counselling. Already seeing GP. Don't say any of this stuff though.

It's about historical stuff

notcopingbugger Fri 17-Nov-17 20:17:42

Wouldn't tell anyone IRL. People offer to help then and I'm too embarrassed to let anyone in.

I think I'm just lazy and shit at being an adult

MrsPicklesonSmythe Fri 17-Nov-17 20:21:49

You need Flylady.
It is cringey AF and if you're not that way inclined you'll need to ignore the Christian slant but if you follow the plan from the website all the way through it'll make a huge difference to your life.
It's really helped me at some pretty low points in my life and I still go back to the principles of it when I'm struggling almost 15 years later.

Jinglebellhell17 Fri 17-Nov-17 20:23:28

You are not shit. You are struggling just like every single person does. We all just have different struggles. The house might be a mess but it’s your happiness that is of most importance. Try a few of the suggestions upthread and see how you get on. They may work they may not. But you’ve taken one huge step by even posting here. It will get better you just don’t know how yet.

TidyLike Fri 17-Nov-17 20:23:38

Have you got a messy friend who you could swap with - sort each other's houses a bit? My sister and i are both extremely messy and apparently incapable of keeping things tidy ... but when I'm at her house I have no problem with spontaneously decluttering her kitchen worktop etc, and vice versa. I don't know why, but it's easier to do someone else's mess, maybe because it's not so bound up with all the negative emotions we have when we look at our own mess.

HermionesRightHook Fri 17-Nov-17 20:28:54

I bet they don't darling. I bet they think you're coping well as anything and would support you if they knew otherwise.

I like the Marie Kondo method a lot - I am still surrounded by all my lovely things, definitely not a minimalist thing At All, but it really helps with control.

Take it very very slowly, is my advice; and try to frame it as not 'aargh tidying I must be perfect' but rather 'I deserve a nice environment so today I will just clean out this shelf and that table, then I'll have a sit down'.

AdoraBell Fri 17-Nov-17 20:29:32

When you are urged to start binge eating write down what you are feeling. Doesn’t have to make sense, and you don’t have to keep or show it to anyone.

As already said you have taken the first step by recognising the problems.

Start with one room. Have a look at the systems suggested and see which appeals to you. I can’t do Fly Lady, but can do other systems, fe.

And most importantly, be kind to yourself.

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