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To have told my dad about pregnancy before DH

(70 Posts)
Eilasor Fri 17-Nov-17 15:44:44

I know I am.

There was a family emergency yesterday, which resulted in me spending 6 hours alone with my dad in the car. I had taken a test in the morning before the phone call and didn't tell DH before I left to see family. I ended up telling my dad that I'm pregnant and talking about my feelings towards it with him.

I'm quite conflicted about the pregnancy, DH and I were ttc at the beginning of the year, but stopped as I was finding it too stressful and wanted to progress my career. DH wasn't overly happy as he was anxious for another child. I started my new job at the end of August (my first in my field post-degree), it's been going very well.

It isn't that I don't want to be pregnant, I want another child and I know my husband will be happy. I just needed some time to sort my head and understand before I told DH and had to be overwhelmingly happy with him right away.

I'm writing this to justify myself, but I know I'm wrong and can take my ass being handed to me.

Horsemad Fri 17-Nov-17 15:46:24

Well, yes you are. You probably wouldn't like it if the roles were reversed but what can you do? It's done now.

skippy67 Fri 17-Nov-17 15:46:35

My husband was the 3rd person I told when I was pregnant with my first. I told my mum and a friend first!

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 17-Nov-17 15:47:57

Well it's your body and your pregnancy so you can discuss it with whomever you wish.

From a relationship POV though, I'd be hurt if I was your DH.

Hard one.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin Fri 17-Nov-17 15:48:12

If you cant go to your aprent about your problems, who can you go to?


hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea Fri 17-Nov-17 15:48:17

It's your body, your life, your dad. You can talk to whoever you want about whatever you want.

I personally just wouldn't volunteer the information that you told your dad. What does it matter?

ahatlikeprincessmarina Fri 17-Nov-17 15:48:52

Six hours is a long time to keep a secret and you'd probably have had a hard time appearing normal in the circumstances. I don't think it's the worst crime in the world! Does your DH even need to know that he wasn't the first to be told?

Oddmanout Fri 17-Nov-17 15:50:11

"...your pregnancy so you can discuss it with whomever you wish."

Really? And I always thought it took two. Silly me...

I'd be gutted if I was your DH shock

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone Fri 17-Nov-17 15:51:23

Well if he isn't happy with the fact other know before him then I can hardly say I blame him!

You say you know you DH will be happy does that mean he still doesn't know?

Also I'm probably going to be flamed but if you were not taking precautions then it can hardly be a surprise that you fell pregnant.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin Fri 17-Nov-17 15:52:28

It wasnt a pregnany announcment per se, the Op is discussing her feeling and her problems, the pregnancy is a side issue. As I said, if you cant go to your parent, the person who knows you best, who can you confide in?

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 17-Nov-17 15:52:42

Well yeah @Oddmanout on a very basic level she could have a termination and never tell him. It will be his child, but pregnancy is a condition that only happens to women.

Unless you’re one of those where ‘we’ are pregnant. 🙄

Shutupanddance1 Fri 17-Nov-17 15:54:03

My DH would be very upset if he found out that someone else knew he was about to have another baby before him. So wrong.

I found out the night before but I wanted a day to get something together to tell him in a nice way - so I made a baby vest for him. Wasn't hard to keep it to myself for 24 hours

Allthebestnamesareused Fri 17-Nov-17 15:54:33

I assume you haven't told him yet. Tell him when you can do so in happy mode. Then tell him I let it slip to Dad in the car rather than I discussed all my angsty feelings with Dad first

pallisers Fri 17-Nov-17 15:55:10

Well I'd be annoyed if I were your dh.

Mind you I just wouldn't tell him that I had told my dad.

mumofmunchkin Fri 17-Nov-17 15:55:20

Erm, well I don't see a problem tbh. I told my friend before I told my dh - I took a test at about 5am before he was up (I had been up with my other kid and suspected I might be) but dh was about to start a new job that day so didn't want to tell him before he left in case it put him off. I was seeing a very close friend later that day and I told her, and then told dh when he got home from work. He certainly knows I told my friend first now, I probably didn't tell him that on the day though, but he isn't fussed.

Laiste Fri 17-Nov-17 15:56:46

Ask your dad to let your DH think he was the first to know.

Eilasor Fri 17-Nov-17 15:56:53

I'd be gutted if I was DH too, and no I haven't told him yet. I'm not ready to.

I came here to feel out whether or not I should go in with the big apology because I was unreasonable or if I should be honest and explain. I'm surrounded by all my family at the moment and finding it very difficult not to talk to my sisters especially about how I'm feeling.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 17-Nov-17 15:58:59

You say you want another baby but I’m worried you maybe don’t. Not right now. I know it’s a family emergency but maybe hold off telling anyone else until you’ve processed. Possibly including DH if you’re not sure.

Eilasor Fri 17-Nov-17 16:00:09

headsdown we were using condoms. I struggle with anxiety much more than usual while taking hormonal birth control, so don't. Condoms have been more than enough of a 'precaution' for me in the last 5 years, so yes, this is a surprise.

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 17-Nov-17 16:01:18

He doesn’t need to know he wasn’t told first. Your dad probably has enough about him to know not to mention your conversation together to your DH. Just process how you’re feeling and put this non issue aside flowers

TheFirstMrsDV Fri 17-Nov-17 16:02:07

To balance out all those saying their OH's would be gutted.
Mine wouldn't. It wouldn't cross his mind to be upset that I had discussed a pregnancy with a close family member before him.

Not all men would be upset. I am sure some would be as understanding as my OH.

Happyemoji Fri 17-Nov-17 16:02:17

Your husband isn't going to be upset. He is going to be made up when he finds out.

I don't see why he should be upset. You've come on here so you can over think and be dramatic with strangers who are also going to be dramatic. You are having a baby and your dh is going to be so excited and thrilled.

With that part put to one side do you think you're going to keep the baby. Is that why you wanted to wait before talking to him?

clownfaces Fri 17-Nov-17 16:02:22

I can't see a problem here. Does it really matter who knew first? As a pp said, you should be able to your parent and it's nice that you have that kind of relationship with your DF.

I'm not sure if I should offer congratulations or not? thanks

Eilasor Fri 17-Nov-17 16:02:43

I am not sure. I hadn't planned to tell anyone, including DH, before I'd had a couple of days to think. But then it slipped out in the car with my dad. I'm not sure if it's my feelings about the pregnancy or it's all mixed in with the other family stuff going on. I just feel so horrible to have not told him first; he wants this so much.

Eilasor Fri 17-Nov-17 16:06:20

clownfaces congratulations would be nice. This is a happy thing. Just a shock I think. smile I'll take these few days with my family to process, and then go home to DH and tell him on Monday.

I am going to try not to feel guilty, even though I probably should. I think I'd make it worse if I told him and couldn't be as happy as he will be.

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