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AIBU?

To ask you to help me reply to 'are you still mad at me'

149 replies

Ilovecoleslaw · 17/11/2017 15:18

Long story short; friends went on a night out without inviting me and we all went shopping the next day. I felt excluded from the night out and then the shopping as they went into shops without me, didn't wait for me etc. Basically felt like a taxi driver. One of the 2 friends asked how I was the next day and I said how I felt. Turnt into an argument with her saying I was excluding myself, I was on my phone all day Hmm and I wasn't invited on the night out as I was driving them to shopping the next day.
Full thread if anyone wants more info:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3078292-To-be-upset-friends-didnt-invite-me-out?pg=1&order=
Haven't talked since the last message which was almost 2 weeks ago, and we normally talk everyday. Last message ended with me saying I was just explaining my point, and her last message was 'point received'.
Forward to last night and she messages me 'are you still mad at me?', due me having no idea what to say and after a busy day at work I couldn't be bothered to reply. Just received another message from her saying 'cool'.

Now I'm stuck.
We used to talk almost everyday and I won't lie, I have missed talking to her at times, but I haven't been desperate to talk to her either.
I've been doing really well at work and trying to be more social (I would only say I have the two friends that I mention in my previous thread), and I'm going to my works Christmas party next month. Wasn't sure about going as I'm in a temporary position, but hoping to be permanent in February, and I really want to make some new friends so thought why not. General consensus of the last thread was that I WNBU and i need to make new friends.

And now I just have no idea what/if to reply and it just all feels really childish.
Please give me some wise advice mumnetters.
And sorry for the long post, think I've got everything relevant in there!

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacle · 17/11/2017 15:21

Are you still mad at her? Have any of them done anything to lessen the anger or apologised? Or invited you out at all?

Rebeccaslicker · 17/11/2017 15:22

If you want to be friends but cool it a bit I would just reply and say, "I'm not mad with you but I have got a lot on at the moment. It would be nice to catch up soon" or words to that effect. Then you can text her in a few days.

If you are feeling bad and do want to stay as you were speaking regularly then - pick up the phone. much easier to resolve that way than by texts which can be misinterpreted.

ItsAllHarmless · 17/11/2017 15:22

I remember your original post and these women treated you awfully. If it was me I just wouldn't reply and move on with my life. You doing well by socialising more and making new friends keep on doing this and leave these users in the past.

MinervaSaidThar · 17/11/2017 15:22

Doing nothing is a decision.

I think you were right not to reply.

Concentrate on making new friends. You deserve friends who value you and treat you well.

Ilovecoleslaw · 17/11/2017 15:23

I'm not mad no, I'm upset she hasn't apologised or can't see where I'm coming from. Neither of them have appologised or invited me out no. The other friend I haven't really mentioned saw me the other night with my partner and his brothers, she pretty much just gave me a very quick awkward but and then chatted to everyone else

OP posts:
Rebeccaslicker · 17/11/2017 15:23

Pressed post too soon!! If they aren't real friends, frankly I wouldn't bother replying. Focus on the new stuff esp with all the Christmas parties and other things going on.

puddingpen · 17/11/2017 15:24

I am not one for holding grudges so I would probably reply "Sorry, was busy. No, not mad at all. Felt a bit left out at the time, as I said, but I'm over it now!"
At the same time, I wouldn't be rushing to make plans any time soon.

Ilovecoleslaw · 17/11/2017 15:24

Hug not but

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 17/11/2017 15:25

Are you still mad at her? If so tell her so. Tell her you were hurt by their behaviour and that you have needed a cooling off period. Then just leave the ball in her court.

monkeywithacowface · 17/11/2017 15:27

I would reply

"I'm not particularly mad, but I was upset at being left out so I could be your taxi driver and then the shopping trip didn't make feel any better about it all either. You don't seem to think I have a point though so what else is there to say?"

blueskyinmarch · 17/11/2017 15:27

Sorry. Cross posted. You are not mad but in no hurry to meet. Just text back and say ‘no I am not still mad’ and leave it there.

AlternativeTentacle · 17/11/2017 15:29

So what about 'Not mad just upset that I just seem to be everyone's taxi driver. I take it you need a lift this weekend otherwise you wouldn't have contacted me?'

jay55 · 17/11/2017 15:30

They were awful to you. Don’t reply, move on. Unless a real apology if forthcoming, that you don’t have to ask for.

Fruitcorner123 · 17/11/2017 15:33

I read your.original post and think you are right to leave these two behind and make new friends. I would reply, " I'm not still mad just feel let down" or just leave it and don't reply at all. I would not be meeting up with either eoman again.

MimiSunshine · 17/11/2017 15:37

I’d slightly adapt monkeys message to:

"I'm not particularly mad, but you asked and I explained that I was upset that you all left me out so I could be your taxi driver and then the shopping trip didn't make feel any better about it all either.
It made me feel like you don’t value me as a friend and the way you responded and your attitude towards me since then hasn’t done anything to change that so while I miss you, I don’t know where we go from here.”

Then just see what she she responds with. Unfortunately I think it’ll be something of a non apology and along the lines of “it wasn’t like that but I’m sorry you feel that way”.

Anything less than true contrition and I wouldn’t bother replying and just move on from her. It sounds like you’re doing really well and you should go into the new year with only positivity

Oddmanout · 17/11/2017 15:37

"I wasn't invited on the night out as I was driving them to shopping the next day."

That would be it for me - cheeky f**ker. Didn't want her chauffeur to have a hangover!

Ignore her, you need better friends.

GrumpyOldCatsNurse · 17/11/2017 15:38

just reply "no I am not mad"

but then do not agree to chauffeur them again !!!

Queeniebed · 17/11/2017 15:39

Ive just read your first post - delete them from your phone. they sound horrible. They are not friend material

diddl · 17/11/2017 15:39

" I wasn't invited on the night out as I was driving them to shopping the next day."

Doesn't that tell you all you need to know?

Keep on with the ignoring.

or ask if it's because she can't find anyone else to ferry her about

CakesRUs · 17/11/2017 15:41

Can you get past it or do you feel bitter about it? Don’t say you’re fine unless you are or it’ll fester.

gamerchick · 17/11/2017 15:41

She’s not sorry, she told your straight that you were being used as a justification for leaving you out of the night out AND leaving you out of the shopping trip other than being a taxi and is simply waiting for you to get over it. You should have left them there when they went for food and left you sitting in the car waiting for them.

Don’t reply this is not your friend.

Traffig · 17/11/2017 15:42

I remember reading your other post. These two were a pair of users, time and time again, if I recall.
You seem to be doing well without them and things will slowly improve socially. You are far too kind a person to let these losers mess you about yet again. All they do is manipulate and hurt you.

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monkeywithacowface · 17/11/2017 15:42

I agree with mimi at best you'll get a "sorry you felt that way but it really wasn't like that at all/you've misread it etc"

The question is do you want a friendship? If no then there is no need to reply. If yes then you have to accept and be ok with the fact that they don't value you the way you do them.

pinkblink · 17/11/2017 15:44

No I don't hold grudges, nor do I let people walk all over me anymore,

TheNaze73 · 17/11/2017 15:45

Just ignore it.

Some of these suggested wordy replies I think are wide of the mark too. I wouldn’t read anything that long & neither would someone who thinks they’ve done nothing wrong.

Bin them off

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