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To not go on this night out?

(60 Posts)
Kellyopio Fri 17-Nov-17 09:55:12

It's very trivial and I apologise for being a baby in advance but here goes ...
I have a group of friends.
We celebrate birthdays /hen nights etc but never in 5 years have any of them celebrated my birthday or suggested it.
Friend 1-we have had 2 cocktail making classes,1 night in Leeds.
Friend 2.2 birthday parties (I was the one who bought the cake,decorated the function room)
Friend 3-weekend in Liverpool
Friend 4-night out on Saturday with a meal followed by drinks
My 30th =nothing
It's my birthday on Christmas Eve but we have all of December to do something.
Tomorrows night out her birthday is 21st December.
I'm just always feeling like the one who nobody cares about.
I don't want to say "what are we doing for my birthday "
When else's is secret planning and things.
I'm thinking of cancelling tomorrow night and just not going.
I know I sound like a baby but my supposedly close friend in the group never mentions anything and she knows it's my birthday.
Yet for this other girl it's a night out and meals blah blah.
Sorry for the whinge,it just makes me a bit sad.

MyBrilliantDisguise Fri 17-Nov-17 09:58:02

Who suggests things for a birthday? Is it the person having the birthday or someone else? How does it occur?

Belleoftheball8 Fri 17-Nov-17 09:58:53

It’s hard when your birthday is around Christmas time everyone starts focusing on Christmas in November. My birthday is two weeks after Christmas everyone is normally skint after Christmas so I sympathise trips away to Liverpool are always pricey and something I would avoid between November -December tbh

hellsbellsmelons Fri 17-Nov-17 09:59:05

Wow that is a bit shit.
But can you not plan something for your birthday and invite them?
I do that for mine.
Although mine isn't on Christmas eve.
I think you'll need to do it because everyone is so busy with the build up to Christmas they probably just forget.
I doubt they are being mean.

Cornettoninja Fri 17-Nov-17 10:00:18

Who initiates all these activities? If it's the one having the birthday (which I suspect most of those things are) then have you tried saying 'I fancy going to such and such for my birthday - who's free on the 18th? I'll get it booked ££ each'

The only caveat with that is I would pick a date other than your actual birthday much like your friends on the 21st. Massively unfair but does go with the territory for Christmas/new year birthdays I'm afraid.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 17-Nov-17 10:00:31

Could you have a 1/2 birthday?
That's what I used to do for my DD as her birthday is not long after New Year.

madeyemoodysmum Fri 17-Nov-17 10:00:34

I find most people are inherently selfish and if you want to have your birthday celebration you need to at least start the ball rolling.

thepatchworkcat Fri 17-Nov-17 10:00:51

Maybe you need to suggest/arrange something? Amongst my friends people organise their own birthdays if they want to do something. Not everyone likes a fuss on their birthday, maybe they’re assuming you don’t want to organise something. I organised a meal out myself for my 30th, I’ve never waited for someone else to do it.

Kellyopio Fri 17-Nov-17 10:01:18

Normally the way it goes is one of the other girls starts planning so it's a surprise.
I've dropped hints before saying my birthday is coming up and nothing gets said.
Even if tomorrow had been a joint thing with the other girl who is in December.

Kellyopio Fri 17-Nov-17 10:02:23

I did try suggesting a spa day a couple of years ago for my 30th it would have been £28 each (Groupon deal ) and nobody wanted to come.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Fri 17-Nov-17 10:02:46

I'd be upset too - seems really odd especially as they all clearly like night out. I would still go out tomorrow night though but would suggest at the end of the evening that you'd like to do something for your birthday - not necessarily on your birthday - but in the new year maybe and just see what responses you get.

TheFaerieQueene Fri 17-Nov-17 10:05:59

I would cancel and tell them why, but be prepared- it will be the end of the friendship ( not that it sounds like much of a loss for you).
They sound horrible.

CuppaSarah Fri 17-Nov-17 10:07:46

Honestly I wouldn't be able to not say something. Next week why don't you bring it up? Wait till this womans celebration is done then deal with it. It's entirely not on they flat out ignore your birthday.

Word of warning, you could loose the group of friends entirely when you call them out on their poor behaviour. But you needn't be aggressive or annoyed when discussing it, just let them know how much it hurts.

Heartofglass12345 Fri 17-Nov-17 10:14:37

You need new friends!

Abouttoblow Fri 17-Nov-17 10:16:17

Ditch the selfish twats!

MinervaSaidThar Fri 17-Nov-17 10:16:21

Ditch them, this will eat away at you.

Biscuits101 Fri 17-Nov-17 10:21:56

Ditch them, they are not friends!

reachforthestarseveryday Fri 17-Nov-17 10:23:25

Ditch them. How bloody selfish. Sounds like they don;t care about you. flowers

And no, I wouldn't go on your 'friend's bday night out.

Ellendegeneres Fri 17-Nov-17 10:31:02

Oh that's horrible. To not want to do yours too, when you've suggested something for your 30th is actually really mean and seems deliberate.
I'd be saying no to all nights out celebrating birthdays from now on. And I'd tell them why. They are acting like crappy friends and deserve to be called out on it.

SheSparkles Fri 17-Nov-17 10:32:35

That’s a bit shit for you, I always feel sorry for people with December birthdays....why don’t you actively bring it up with your friends, but suggest you plan something for January when it’s good to have something to look forward to? Our wedding anniversary is 20th December and we never celebrate it then as I don’t want to eat Xmas dinner on my anniversary, as that all that restaurants cater for then

QueenofallIsee Fri 17-Nov-17 10:42:17

I think the fact that no one else in the group arranges their own is the difference here - in my circle of friends the person whose birthday it is is the 'host' and does the arranging. I would be well hurt if everyone but me had a surprise arranged!

I don't think that you are being unreasonable at all. Unless you are new to the group or a 'friend of a friend' or something?

MrsJBaptiste Fri 17-Nov-17 10:42:49

Surely it's up to you to suggest what you want to do for your birthday? My friends might say way in advance, what are your plans as they don't know if I fancy a girls night out, night out with OH, etc. However it would definitely be my call as to what we're doing and where we want to go!

CoraPirbright Fri 17-Nov-17 10:42:55

That’s really shit and I am sorry OP. Would you mind losing this group of ‘friends’? If not, I would decline the invitation and tell them why. Really cruel of them to busily plan surprises for each other and not for you. I would def walk away.

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea Fri 17-Nov-17 10:47:23

Are you always that pass-ag about stuff?

AlternativeTentacle Fri 17-Nov-17 10:52:00

Are you always that pass-ag about stuff?

Evidently not or it would have been sorted ages ago.

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