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AIBU to refuse my ex convict FIL a place to stay?

(270 Posts)
Peachypop Tue 14-Nov-17 12:16:39

Am I being unreasonable to not want my ex convict father in law stay in my house?

Dp and I live in my 2 bed flat with our 2month old dd. DP's parents moved in 80s to Thailand to pursue business opportunities, it never worked out and my FIL was convicted of defrauding money. My MIL posted bail for him and he fled country and went into hiding for 16 years, occasionally contacting DP. He got back in touch about 18 months ago when he was convicted of possession of drugs on Thailand. He's a 70yr old man and he is soon to be released and deported back to UK. He doesn't have any family over here apart from DP (and another son from a previous relationship that he abandoned when he was a 10 month old). DP has told him that he couldn't help him as he has his own life and family now. However my MIL promised him thst he could stay in our flat for a 'couple of days' (that belongs to me) and that DP would find him a 1bed flat to stay that she would pay for (she is working as a teacher in Abu Dhabi).

The thing is, I find it offensive that she would offer up my property to house her convicted husband. I have never met this man, he's not been a father to my DP for the last 16 years and now that he needs help, she is expecting us to bail him. I have a tiny baby to look after and this is very stressful, not to mention the fact that I don't know what kind of illness he could carry coming out if Thai prison (TB etc.)

My MIL stayed with us when I was 9 months pregnant for 20 days without asking me in the summer and she's an alcoholic who would go out by herself to the pub every day to drink. She was supposed to stay in a hotel but instead she bought DP some suits for his new job. At that time, I was so stressed, working from home 9 months pregnant feeling a bit taken advantage. As a thank you for staying at my place she bought 3 suits for my DP, as if it was him she had to thank for.

Now, MIL is promising FIL that he can stay at my place without a clear plan where he would go after - he will need documents to rent a property that he doesn't have since he's not been in UK for 26years (bank statements, proof of earnings etc), we live in London so to rent a flat near us, she would need to pay at least 1k a month plus bills plus deposit so at least 7k. I'm worried she will back out if it when she finds out how much it would cost and we would be left with housing FIL.

I feel bad about not wanting to take in DP's 70 year old father but my 2 month old is my priority now and I feel like my MIL and FIL are irresponsible and expecting DP and I to sort them out.

RaspberryOverload Tue 14-Nov-17 12:21:17

You are absolutely not BU to say no.

Stick to your guns.

Babieseverywhere Tue 14-Nov-17 12:21:34

Just say No.

It will be a massive headache. Your MIL can pay for an b&b for a couple of nights instead or can fil not go to her ?

ohfourfoxache Tue 14-Nov-17 12:25:03

That would be a big fat no from me.

Or fuck off.

Either would do grin

Nicknacky Tue 14-Nov-17 12:26:56

Easy, just say no, no one apart from them will think bad of you? What does your H think?

glow1984 Tue 14-Nov-17 12:27:35

YANBU and your MIL is taking the fucking piss. Don’t let them get away with this, and I hope your DP backs you up properly!

DullAndOld Tue 14-Nov-17 12:28:34

You have to say no to this.
What does your DP say?

Bringmewineandcake Tue 14-Nov-17 12:29:12

Hell no!

Sarahjconnor Tue 14-Nov-17 12:30:52

Be extremely clear and say no again then refuse to disucss it. There is risk to your safety, your health, your child's health and in my experience (my DH has very dysfunctional family) this will effect your DH severely and then your relationship.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken Tue 14-Nov-17 12:32:25

You could signpost them towards local housing office etc, but don't let him move in to your house, or you'll never get rid of him

Discotits Tue 14-Nov-17 12:33:18

No. Way.

BenLui Tue 14-Nov-17 12:35:29

You need to learn to say no to your MIL.

You allowed her to take advantage of you last year so now she thinks she can do it again.

Get your DH in sudeband say no (and stick with it)

Ausparent Tue 14-Nov-17 12:36:11

No no no no no!

Dobopdidoo1 Tue 14-Nov-17 12:37:21

What does your dp think? Why isn’t he helping you more?

TrojansAreSmegheads Tue 14-Nov-17 12:38:18

say no and stick to it.

Standingcat Tue 14-Nov-17 12:38:35

It would be a big no from me too but it needs to come from your DH, how does he feel about it all though? you said that he said no and its not been heard?

Are there any B&B's near to you? London is v pricey but maybe look on AirBnB? your DH could help to get him set up somewhere but from a distance, i.e. not living with you?

swansong81 Tue 14-Nov-17 12:38:42

Tell them to fucking do one. The cheek of it!

swansong81 Tue 14-Nov-17 12:39:07

Sorry not you but your DH needs to tell them to fuck right off

Penfold007 Tue 14-Nov-17 12:40:31

Peachypop when your FIL is deported he will then be arrested when he arrives in the UK. He skipped bail and so there will still be an outstanding warrant relating to the fraud. You and DP should still say no but he isn't likely to need accommodation as HMP Wherever will be putting him up.

bottlesandcans Tue 14-Nov-17 12:40:37

sad no no no

Justbookedasummmerholiday Tue 14-Nov-17 12:43:43

I would sneak off to inform the police when he is due back. ....

Splinterz Tue 14-Nov-17 12:44:11

MIL is an alcoholic teacher in Abu Dhabi?
How does she manage that?

Peachypop Tue 14-Nov-17 12:45:35

DP told me it's up to me. But I've heard him talking to MIL on phone yesterday saying 'only if 2 days' which sounds like he's agreed to it. When confronted he said he didn't.

IdentityRequest1 Tue 14-Nov-17 12:46:14

Read your OP back to yourself... do you really need to know if you're being unreasonable?!

Say no in which ever way you like, but do it now, be clear and stick to it.

You can do this!

Oddmanout Tue 14-Nov-17 12:46:20

Definitely not BU here, I wouldn't have it either. And the cheek of it to offer your flat as a half-way house!

Put your foot down on this one definitely!

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