To be concerned about what ds has written

[Mummummummummummmmmmy]

Getting my dcs ready for school this morning, as I've gone to get d's blazer I noticed he'd written on the wall "ds surname is dead"

I'm a little bit worried as it's not the first time I've seen him write this, the first time was on a piece of scrap paper which I asked him about and he laughed and walked off.

For context he is a very anxious child has some hyperactivity and behaviour issues, he is often very moody, doesn't sleep well and still wets the bed.
He recently started a new school and according to his teacher has settled in very well, I have also asked him if he's getting on and making friends which he says he has so I have no real concerns about that.
Has anyone experienced this sort of thing?

[hotstepper4]

How old is he? That is worrying, definitely. Could you ask him about it?

[strangeEvents]

How old is he?

[Mummummummummummmmmmy]

Sorry he's 6 nearly 7.

I will ask him after school.

[strangeEvents]

Defiantly talk to him about it but no need to necessarily be worried. These words don't have the same connotations for children of this age that they do for adults.

Many don't fully comprehend what death or being dead actually means.

I was about that age when dead changed from being in trouble "you're dead when I tell Mum on you" to a grandparent dying and understanding the difference.

Do mention it to the teacher, if only for reassurance that he is settling in at school. They'll also likely keep a slightly closer eye on him.

How severe are his "behaviour" (AEN?) issues? Does or has he used language to shock before?

[strangeEvents]

"Defiantly" - bloody phone

definitely

[Shedmicehugh]

Does your ds feel he is ‘settling’ into his new school well?

In my experience, school views and a child’s views can be completely different, particularly an anxious child.

[Mummummummummummmmmmy]

He's definitely getting on at school as I've asked him and do ask him quite often, I also male sure he knows tjat if he's being picked on then he must tell me or a teacher.

His behaviour isn't connected to having any sen issues, or at least I don't think they are it's more pushing boundaries having tantrums when not getting his own way.

[Shedmicehugh]

Sorry just seen you’ve asked him and he has said fine. You say he is anxious, can he describe what makes him anxious?

My son suffers with high anxiety, I know it can be difficult for him to recognise and describe.

Also behaviour issues for my son, often stem from his anxiety. The demand of a school environment are so much higher than Home.

[Shedmicehugh]

I’m not saying your son does have any special needs. However, at 5 my son was described in exactly the same way, his difficulties were put down to being ‘naughty’. It severely affected his self esteem.

You’re his mum and know him best. You could ask for a referral to a paediatrician via your GP if you do have concerns.

[Ironmanrocks]

My boy wasn't dissimilar at that age....I think (hope) he's just working out what words mean and what his own emotions feel like. If my boy was told off for doing something naughty, he would then say things like 'well I should die then' - or 'I'm going to go and get run over.' He used it to get back at me I think - I had many close family members and a close friend all die within 18months and I was very upset about losing them (obviously). I think he wanted to 'die' to hurt my feelings, which it did. But once I explained what they meant - that you would never come back and would be gone forever he seemed to understand that it wasn't a nice thing to say. I also reinforced the fact that I loved him unconditionally, even when he was naughty and that I was only telling him off to encourage him become a kind, respectful grown up. I left it for a year and it happens much much less now. I am hoping he will just grow out of it??!!

[Mummummummummummmmmmy]

shedmicehugh if I'm honest I do think he may have 'some' issues, I've not mentioned it to his new teacher but did to his previous one who didn't think there was any issue with his behaviour as he is completely different in school, however both did notice his anxiety.

He cannot describe what makes him anxious, but when he is feeling it he gets a headache/ tummyache and that's when his behaviour starts getting bad and he's starts acting up.

[Shedmicehugh]

Headaches, stomach aches, feeling sick, upset stomach, bed wetting etc,etc can all be physical symptoms of anxiety.

Teachers described my ds as ‘fine’ in school. At 5/6 ds would say school was ‘fine’ too.

Assessments etc showed he wasn’t ‘fine’ at all. He struggled, silently with most aspects of school.

I think at 6 most children can only describe things in general terms.

With ds I found if I asked him how was school (a pretty general question) I got a general answer ‘fine’! Although his behaviour at home said otherwise. It’s quite common for children to hold it together at school and behave differently at home.

I would write all his subjects down ie English, maths, PE, breaktime etc and ask him to put a smiley face, straight indifferent face, sad face next to each one.

Every sad face I would ask what made him sad about that lesson, what he found easy/hard etc. This helped to identify the triggers for his anxiety

Maybe worth a try?

[Mummummummummummmmmmy]

That's a brilliant idea shedmice re writing down his subjects, I will definitely try that.

He was put on the waiting list for counselling with our old gp but we've since moved so will have to start the process again.

[Ironmanrocks]

I'm going to try that too! Thanks.x

[Shedmicehugh]

School can do a similar thing, at certain times during the day too. If you have an understanding school. It only takes a few minutes to identify a happy, sad face etc after each lesson for a week or 2, to identify triggers and where help might be needed.

Best of luck x

[ZigZagIntoTheBlue]

My son is 6 and fascinated with that kind of thing, keeps writing stories called 'the death house' but nothing happens in a death way, I think he just likes the word.