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To think some people really don’t understand what an introvert is

(309 Posts)
Glassfrog Mon 13-Nov-17 23:12:30

I was travelling with some colleagues recently and we were talking about socialising outside of work. I remarked that I’m quite introverted, that I prefer to spend time with people one-on-one, and although I enjoy it to a point, I find it tiring and need a lot of time to myself as well. I added that I don’t really enjoy socialising in large groups at all.

One of my colleagues replied that it was fine to only have one or two friends (meaning me). I’ve actually got quite a lot of very close friends! They’re just not friends with each other and I spend time with them individually.

I took it from her comment that she assumes that introverts are loners with no or few friends - is that a very commonly-held view?

blueshoes Mon 13-Nov-17 23:19:09

As an introvert, I have not really linked introversion to lack of friends, but more that I would need time alone to recharge. However, come to think about it, like you, I do prefer one-to-one time with friends rather than enjoying them in big groups. The only time I got all my friends together was for my wedding - that was stressful! Never thought about it that way.

Aquitania Mon 13-Nov-17 23:28:03

1. We get it, you are a big part of society.

2. You enjoy making web comics and articles and cheeky image macros about the actual, textbook definition of introversion. (You’re not all shy! You draw your energy from being alone, like a battery recharging!)

3. Often the discourse on “introversion” tiptoes around “we’re not like other people, we sip tea and read quietly in the corner and speak about relationships in elaborate metaphor.”

4. Don’t deny it, you guys absolutely do that shit.

5. It makes it sound like people who are “extroverted” are these soulless, scrap metal-chewing machines who will cease to exist unless we are doing body shots at a party and inviting people to come over so that we don’t have to hear the sound of our own thoughts.

6. It’s like we’re sharks — if we don’t stop moving, we’ll die.

7. But I digress.

8. Extroverts are not like that. Extroverts, like most normal human beings, are just looking to form human connections and draw energy from the world around them. We happen to do this through social communication, but a lot of us are more than capable of being alone for extended periods of time.

9. Yes, some of us even read John Green books by our windowsill whilst sipping English Breakfast tea and thinking about the things we’re going to reblog to our Tumblrs later that afternoon.

10. Introversion has become a “thing” on the internet, an identity that people go out of their way to take pride in and make condescending Power Point presentations about, because we all need to be told why it’s hard for you to make conversation at parties.

11. Plot twist: It’s hard for everyone to make small talk at parties. Small talk blows, and having to pretend to care about your friend’s friend’s brother’s new apartment is enough to drain anyone’s Social Activity Batteries.

12. There are difficult things about being an extrovert, like people assuming you’re constantly hitting on them, or that you can’t stand to be by yourself, or that you’re vapid.

13. But it’s not oppressive.

14. And neither is being an introvert, but often we use the struggles introverts face as a good excuse for them to be outright unkind to, or inconsiderate of, other people. (And don’t you deny that shit, either, you know you guys are constantly talking about why you shouldn’t have to be expected to call people back or show up to things.)

15. And frankly, if it’s an aspect of your personality that you hold onto that firmly, I highly recommend investing in actual personality traits, such as “sense of humor” or “good listener,” or even just “makes a pretty good frittata.”

16. We have all heard and read and seen so much about introversion over the past year or so that I think we’ve all become finally numb to it, and have expanded our definition of it so much that anyone who is not at this very moment performing a cabaret show is considered introverted.

17. In truth, most of us fall somewhere in the middle of that spectrum, and have days where we err to one side or the other. I’m as extroverted as you can get, but I have entire weeks where I just want to stay at home and watch Netflix and cry while thinking about the raindrops (they are the clouds’ babies!!!).

18. But this doesn’t fit so nicely into a comic about personality types.

19. The point is that we should all be happy being multi-faceted, and exploring the possibilities of our social lives. We should spend time taking care of ourselves, and taking care of the people we love (or the people we haven’t even met yet).

20. And even if you are a #RideOrDieIntrovert, calm down. We get it. You aren’t good at introducing yourself to new groups of people, and you really like being under blankets.

21. So did my dog, though, and if she could talk, she would say that you’re being pretentious assholes.

(From Thoughtcatalog)

Aquitania Mon 13-Nov-17 23:31:48

thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-fagan/2014/05/21-reasons-im-tired-of-hearing-about-introverts/ That's the link - sorry!

Seriously - we do, in fact, absolutely get it. It's just way less interesting or special than lots of self declared introverts make out. And also, the navel gazingness of it is actually quite annoying.

Glassfrog Mon 13-Nov-17 23:33:09

Haha! Wow ok. I haven’t seen anything online going on about introversion to the extent that it would piss people off but obviously it’s a ‘thing’ that I’m unaware of. I don’t think I’m a pretentious arsehole, and I definitely have a sense of humour - I just don’t like big groups of people.

Aquitania Mon 13-Nov-17 23:36:59

Could that not just be called "having a personality and preferences" though?

Sashkin Mon 13-Nov-17 23:38:54

You may not have seen it on the internet, but it’s totally out there.

Do you remember when Aspergers was trendy and lots of socially lazy men insisted they were “a little bit Aspergic” and thus find to carry on behaving like twats to their partners and families?

The same men now claim they're poor misunderstood introverts.

Glassfrog Mon 13-Nov-17 23:40:07

Well I think introversion is a legitimate personality type, even if you think that people claiming to be introverts are inherently annoying by doing so.

Phuquocdreams Mon 13-Nov-17 23:40:35

God, Aquitania, there was no need for that. Most of that post is complete bollicks and bizarrely seems to be an extrovert who had serious issues with introverts.

Sashkin Mon 13-Nov-17 23:41:56

And the stuff on the internet is literally actual PowerPoint presentations. Usually about 40 pages long. No wonder these people have no fucking friends! grin

Phuquocdreams Mon 13-Nov-17 23:42:49

We're not trying to be "interesting" talking about being introverts. Do you have an issue with that? Really weird if so because the world really is made for extroverts.

Glassfrog Mon 13-Nov-17 23:42:52

Huh? Socially lazy twatty-to-their-family men are claiming to be introverts? Well maybe they are.. but it doesn’t stop some people actually being introverts.

Glassfrog Mon 13-Nov-17 23:43:55

I’m bemused at the anger. It’s really weird grin

Phuquocdreams Mon 13-Nov-17 23:44:11

Anyway no idea if people think introverts have no friends. I have a few but not actually that many...

Glassfrog Mon 13-Nov-17 23:44:57

sashkin the point is that being an introvert doesn’t mean you don’t have friends

Phuquocdreams Mon 13-Nov-17 23:44:59

Glassfrog I agree I'm totally confused!

Aquitania Mon 13-Nov-17 23:45:27

If you say so. I think it's simplistic nonsense to divide the world into two types though.

Aquitania Mon 13-Nov-17 23:48:05

I'm not angry. I just think it's self-obsessed and boring when people keep going on about their special introvertedness. Starting threads full of special pleading for understanding etc.

lucylouuu Mon 13-Nov-17 23:48:51

people don’t need to be so nasty! i’m an introvert but have told nobody i know that and don’t talk about it like it’s fashionable... i think it’s a very common view that introverts have no friends!

PeiPeiPing Mon 13-Nov-17 23:49:34

What a load of nonsense is that very long post by @aquitania, and pretty fucking offensive in part! (Not to mention patronising and condescending.)

Where on earth did you drag up all that shit from? hmm

Glassfrog Mon 13-Nov-17 23:49:58

aquitania I’m not saying there are two types. For example I’m INFJ. <awaits 100-point list of why people who acknowledge the Myers-Briggs types are awful pretentious twats>

PeiPeiPing Mon 13-Nov-17 23:50:27

Not to mention the other offensive and rude posts you have put about introverts. Don't get them? Who fucking cares! Bore off!

Insomnibrat Mon 13-Nov-17 23:51:08

Wow. What a massively shitty post @Aquitania

I assume you copied and pasted that from some huge bore on facebook. Yawn.

PimmsatMidnight Mon 13-Nov-17 23:52:47

Glassfrog Yes, it is a recognised personality characteristic. Most people actaully have some introvert and some extrovert tendancies. But we are usually wired more towards one than the other. The MBTI personality test puts it on a continuum. eg 60% introvert and 40% extrovert for example.

Insomnibrat Mon 13-Nov-17 23:53:03

Oh sorry 'thoughtcatalog' whatever tf that is.....

Why not have an original thought of your own.

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