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Gggrrrrrrrrrr party invites!

(25 Posts)
catboygeckoandowlett Mon 13-Nov-17 20:51:09

Trying to arrange DS 6th birthday party. It's at an organised indoor adventure type place ( not soft play). He's not inviting everyone in the class and we r trying to stick to numbers. Invited about 8 kids and their siblings. We invited ages ago (literally 6 weeks in advance) because we need to know numbers and work out teams and get party bags, and the siblings younger than a certain age will have to have something else organised as not old ejough, so I need to sort that with the venue etc...

Anyway, most people got back to us straight away. One person did not respond to my personalised email (first time I've ever spoken to her as a new friend of DS, so I wrote a nice hello email introducing myself, being friendly etc and asking if any siblings also want to come etc..) I saw the Mum in the playground a week or so after my email and asked if she got my email. She said she had but said the party wasn't for a few weeks (she almost sounded cross I'd invited so early). I then sent formal invitations on party invite paper about a week later. Didn't really need to as all but the one had replied! But DS likes to hand out invites. Still no reply from the Mum of new friend. Fast forward to today - party next week. I've emailed again and still no reply.

Am I being unreasonable to think this is very rude???

I think I'm being nice inviting all siblings and making a special effort to include and book something for them. Considering I've never really properly met this mum, I would have thought a 'thank you' would have been nice? Or at least a 'im sorry we may not be able to let you know til the day before because ....'

Ggggrrrrrr .... my friends think I'm over reacting! I probably am! Prepared to hear I'm being unreasonable! But really? Have people got no manners anymore????


catboygeckoandowlett Mon 13-Nov-17 20:54:50

Gggrrrrrrr again!!!!

Littlebelina Mon 13-Nov-17 20:56:10

Yanbu. But it isn't unusual.

MinervaSaidThar Mon 13-Nov-17 20:59:42

Did you give a deadline for RSVP?

Even if not, she is rude to ignore you and I would consider no response as a refusal and therefore give her kid's place to someone else.

Jerseysilkvelour Mon 13-Nov-17 20:59:42

There's always one. I usually give out party invites about 6 weeks in advance and there's one mum who every bloody time has replied ON THE DAY OF THE PARTY. Together with some other factors, I've concluded she is just one of those rude entitled kind of people. As we're not doing any more whole class parties it won't be an issue anymore as her kid isn't friends with mine anyway so won't be invited!

I'd be annoyed too but not send any more reminders. Maybe next time put an RSVP by date and then assume it's a no if you don't hear by then?

FlouncyDoves Mon 13-Nov-17 21:02:51

Whole class parties, for a class of 30?! Nightmare.

Just email her and say ‘as I haven’t heard from you I’ve invited someone else to fill your child’s spot.’

That’ll teach her to delay a reply in case something better pops up.

Glumglowworm Mon 13-Nov-17 21:21:47

Did you give a deadline? If not then do so! She won't be thinking about the organising you're doing, she'll be thinking about everything else the family has going on.

Send a last message saying "I really need to know if DC can come to DS's party so I can sort it out with the venue, so please can you let me know by xxxx otherwise I'm going to have to assume DC won't be coming."

melj1213 Mon 13-Nov-17 22:00:22

YANBU - there's always one or two who won't RSVP so I usually just assume they are coming but when you're doing an activity that relies on specific numbers then it's frustrating to have people not RSVP especially with no reason.

This is why I always put an RSVP date of about a week before the party on any of DD's invites so that if someone hasn't RSVPed by that date then I can message with "Hi, RSVP date for DDs party was yesterday and just realised that we didn't get one from you. Please let me know if <DD's friend> is coming to the party or not as I need to confirm numbers. Thanks"

In your case you have given the parent plenty of time and opportunities to RSVP - so I'd just send a direct message now "X, DS's party is next week and I need to confirm numbers with the venue so I need to know if <friend> will be attending or not. If I don't hear from you by the end of the day I will assume <friend> will not be attending. Thanks."

Fidoandacupoftea Mon 13-Nov-17 22:17:51

I am going through this myself. I sent invites, most replied, sent reminders, personalised texts to two parents with no replies. Spoke to one at playground to be told I am really busy, will get back to you hmm It really bugs me as both parents are quite active in the class whatsapp group, a simple yes or no to my repeated msgs is not too much to ask. We have one more year and I really want to keep the peace, so just going to suffer through it.

Bringmewineandcake Mon 13-Nov-17 22:21:53

I’d be annoyed with you by now and deliberately ignoring you. You’ve already chased her twice! If you gave an rsvp date and it has passed then take it as a no. If you hear from her then you’ll have to decide what to do, but for goodness sake don’t chase her again.

GladAllOver Mon 13-Nov-17 22:26:40

"RSVP. I have to confirm place numbers by xxx, so I will assume no answer by then means you have declined."

SilverSpot Mon 13-Nov-17 23:05:15

@Bringmewineandcake uh then just say no thanks the first time you are chased rather than making out you’re so busy and hard done by and can’t possibly spare a second out of your hectic family life to reply to a party invite.

Bringmewineandcake Mon 13-Nov-17 23:25:21

Silverspot I do reply as soon as I see an invite in DD’s bag and check our calendar because I know it’s irritating to wait for RSVPs. But the OP is on the verge of hounding this woman rather than just accepting that she isn’t going to reply and making plans without that child.

KeepServingTheDrinks Mon 13-Nov-17 23:37:46

If the child isn't a great friend of your DS, take it as a 'no' and fill that space with someone else.

If your DS will be gutted without this kid there, it's trickier.

blackteasplease Tue 14-Nov-17 02:32:39

She isn't hounding her! Fgs! This woman needs to give OP an answer.

But I think you need to take it as a no and tell her that you have done so.

blackteasplease Tue 14-Nov-17 02:32:47

She isn't hounding her! Fgs! This woman needs to give OP an answer.

But I think you need to take it as a no and tell her that you have done so.

NinjaPig Tue 14-Nov-17 03:27:27

It's bloody annoying & rude!!! Last year, everyone except one replied, no biggie UNTIL the party time had to be brought forward an hour due to a mix up with the swimming pool and every single person who had replied was advised.

The one mum who hadn't bothered, whose number I didn't have due to not rsvp'ing, then turned up as the children were getting out of the pool & started shouting that her daughter was really upset etc., but didn't have any comeback when I pointed out I didn't know she was coming as she hadn't bothered telling me!!!

We gave the child a goodie bag as it wasn't her fault and the Mum got short shrift from other mums when she went to slate. Me for not informing her. . . Turns out she never rsvp'ing to anyone, just turned up!! Karma, baby wink

Italiangreyhound Tue 14-Nov-17 03:28:58

YANBU. It is rude. But I always think, what else is going on in their house. Seriously, anything, health issues, older kids going through teen rebellion, job issues etc. You just don't know.

Plus the person you need to 'impress' is your son with a great party and he likes this friend. So do not email again, do not be stressed or feel the need to 'say something'. You could just say to your son you have not heard so don;t know if so and so is coming and maybe your son will ask his friend.

In your shoes I would just prepare enough food or whatever that if he comes it is fine and if he doesn't it is fine. Unless your son actually said that if he hasn't replied invite someone else. But at 6 he is unlikely to think of this!

The other thing is that both my kids were a bit 'anti-party' home bodies and it was hard to get a 'yes' out of them! I could not accept on their behalf for fear they would shout "I didn't want to come here anyway!" at the party. So waited to quite close to the RSVP deadline (always give a deadline) and then tried to get a 'yes' out of them and replied.

Gaudeamus Tue 14-Nov-17 03:42:10

YAB entirely R. The other mum is being rude and unfortunately depriving her child of future invitations.

However, I wonder if invitations six weeks ahead is too early? In the minds of some people an event that far in the future will go into the 'procrastinate' pile. Then when the event is imminent it will go into the 'too stressed and busy to deal with it' pile. In order to obtain a response from these people you have to keep reminding them - this then puts your invitation into the 'hassle' pile, and they will resent this and not want to respond even if it is for a perfectly nice event and they have no reason to ignore it.

It's obviously a dysfunctional and very irritating trait, but I think some people do deal with their time organisation irrationally. They end up in a chaotic rush and even less likely to deal with things politely and on time.

Anyway, you've done your utmost to get a response - RSVP means 'If you don't confirm I will assume you aren't coming' so work on that basis.

RebootYourEngine Tue 14-Nov-17 04:43:58

I would send one last message just saying that you assume that they are not coming and if they do turn up do not accommodate the children.

Merida83 Tue 14-Nov-17 05:06:36

YANBU. That's just plain rude. Depending how soon it is (Did you set an RSVP date) id just email to say as I have had no response I have had to assume your dc cannot attend. And stick to that. It's mind boggling to me how ignorant some people are! I think your friends are very laid back but I'd guess would be less so in your shoes arranging the party.

Lozmatoz Tue 14-Nov-17 06:36:23

Check your junk email before you send anything else!

GladAllOver Tue 14-Nov-17 10:02:15

The other possibility if it's a 'destination' party is to say on the invitation that you will notify the location to people who have accepted.

StuffitImGoingToBed Wed 15-Nov-17 00:00:59

Thanks all smile lesson learnt! ... I will put RSVP date on in future smile

Thanks for the posts.

(bringmewineandcake - while I like your username wink, I think your post is weird! Are you being serious? or is it YOU that is the mum that is not replying to me!!? )

Got a reply this evening! - child IS coming.

StuffitImGoingToBed Wed 15-Nov-17 00:01:33

sorry just realised I changed my username!!! its getting late !!

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