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Am I or is my dad.

(21 Posts)
Thesmallthings Mon 13-Nov-17 16:07:43

I'm feeling a little emotional today so I may be over reacting.

I have a dodgy ankle. I think most of it stems from the fact that I walk on the inside of my feet. I was suppossrd to have surgery when inwas a child but for what ever reason i didnt

I I did a 12 hour shift yesterday in a shop. 12 hours of standing in the same spot with a 10 minute break. This has made my ankle play up and by the end of the night at home including bear any weight on it and had to crawl from my kids room to mine.

Today at my normal job at a nursery I hobbled around and got through the day. It was better but still hurts and I can't walk fast.

My dad's just phoned me asking if I was ok. I said it was better but was still hobbling. Que him going into a rant on how I need to lose weight and itd stop being a problem. Not in a caring voice more of a angry tone mater of factly.

Yes he has a point I am over weight and he's right it would help. I said i was trying and have cut down. He said not good enough how much have I lost this week. I'm not trying. I said I had to go.

I'm now close to tears. I work 2 jobs toatly 45 hours sometimes 50 hours a week. Trying to do my level 3 dipolma My partner is over seas and ill be lucky to see him for a month this year. I have 2 children who don't see their dad at all. I have depression and anxity and i feel like I'm just about keeping my head up as it is. I would love to be in the mind set to lose weight god knows itd help my deoression and self esteem and I am trying.
My dad just really hurt my feelings and now feel like I'm 10 again and being told off and so small.
My dad is a funny chacater is very blunt not many get on with him but I know he loves me and would give me his last penny but it still hurts. Am I being over sensitive or was my dad out line.

Ilovelampandchair Mon 13-Nov-17 16:10:28

Your dad was out of line. Sorry he made you feel so upset. Maybe he's just worried about you and wants life to be easier for you but he was very insensitive.

It sounds like you're doing an epic job all on your own. And with the weight loss, you're working on it. Beyond that you don't owe anyone any explanations.

OlennasWimple Mon 13-Nov-17 16:11:23


Hope you are starting to feel better

Your dad shouldn't have made you feel like that, but I'm hoping that it's coming from a good place. He knows that if you lose weight it will help with your ankle

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin Mon 13-Nov-17 16:13:23

A bit of both I'd say.

I have limited patience with people who dont help them self. The conversation in our hosue goes:

Ive got toothache
Go to the dentist
Costs too much
Stop moaning about the toothache and stop drinking pure sugar all the time.

Circular conversation I'm afraid.

Can you get an ankle support?

Thesmallthings Mon 13-Nov-17 16:21:19

slo I get that. I really do. But I wasn't complaining. He asked me and I wasn't woe is me. Just said it was better but still hurt a bit. I do have one,I put it on last night and this morning but it made the pain worse so i took it off. It'll get better in the next day or two. It plays up when iv been on my feet for a long period of time. It feels like a trapped nerve rarther then a problem with the bone.

MissBax Mon 13-Nov-17 16:22:41

A bit of a sideline but it's illegal for any job to give you only 10 mins break in a 12 hour shift!

Thesmallthings Mon 13-Nov-17 16:23:31

Maybe it cos I know he's right I desperately need to lose weight both for my health and self esteem. I hate myself I can't look in the mirror and question .(in my head.. Not to dp) why he's with me.

I just wish I could do it.

HeebieJeebies456 Mon 13-Nov-17 18:19:38

you walking on the inside of your feet is not your parents fault for not getting you an 'operation' hmm

What you need is the proper shoe inserts that will support your feet to remain in the correct position when walking/standing.

Read up on it so you've got a better idea of what it's about and what to do -

blackteasplease Mon 13-Nov-17 18:21:49

Why ask if you were feeling better just to have a go at you? Twat

MrTrebus Mon 13-Nov-17 18:23:54

Yuck people are so rude on here sometimes. OP keep on keeping on! You don't want practical advice you want a handhold from what I can tell. And I've done the 2 jobs, not much help at home and other horrible stuff going on all at once and it's so hard and I also fell into a temporary depression - "reactive depression" the doc called it. flowers for you, massive virtual hugs and handhold.

rwalker Mon 13-Nov-17 18:26:21

sounds like something my sister would say. Love her dearly but she is oblivious to how upsetting or offensive some of the things she says are, doesn't do it to be nasty just her mouth has no filter to what comes out of it

hevonbu Mon 13-Nov-17 18:26:57

Your dad is probably worried about you but it was an untimely comment, just like the ones my own dad could have blurted out. Spend time to plan when (in the future) it'll be the best time to work on losing weight and do a bit of research on what method you plan to use (LCHF or whatever, and there's no point starting before Christmas anyway) and then don't think about it until it is time to start. Then think a little about how to prioritise your obligation so to make time for all the other commitments. Is it possible to cut down to forty hours a week? There are only so many hours to a week, it seems a little bit tough to work two jobs, take care of the children and study for a diploma at the same time, so maybe you need to take out something from the equation - some work hours or plan to finish the diploma at a later time. Your partner is with you because he likes you, of course.

Thesmallthings Mon 13-Nov-17 18:43:59

I didn't say it was my parents fault at all I was saying that when I was a child I was supposed to have a operation because there was a problem with how i walked.. Which may be a reason why I have a dodgy ankle now.. I didn't blame them at all.

mr thank you, a take it easy from him would have done I really didn't need a lecture.

hev I know he Is, and I'm nit sure why I'm surprised he said it. Just struggling at the moment I think. I think your right I need cut some hours. The course I'm doing at my regular nursery job so I can't lay that back but i won't be doing any more 12 hour shifts at the shop no more.
The focusing on a healthy diet / change is good idea I need to push myself to do something.

Mamabear4180 Mon 13-Nov-17 18:46:57

Your dad is out of line. he's being insensitive. Hope you feel better soon OP.

MadMags Mon 13-Nov-17 18:47:26

Is your weight enough to have him worrying? Has it come from fear?

Thesmallthings Mon 13-Nov-17 18:52:23

Madmags.. I think so yeah it is. I'm very over weight. He is also over weight but is losing it. He has diabetes and I think he worried about that. Though when ever i see the doctors they are allways surprised that I have good bp cholestrial etc.

I know I'm dangourosely over weight I just can't get my stupid head to get round losing weight. It's a horrid circle I hate my self so i binge at night and so on and on.

MadMags Mon 13-Nov-17 19:04:39

He still shouldn’t be so insensitive but I guess it’s maybe better that it comes from love and concern than just being a bastard IYSWIM?

Have you tried slimming world? My very overweight sister lost 6 stones on it and has kept off at least 4!

LemonysSnicket Mon 13-Nov-17 19:07:12

A 10 minute break in 12 hours is illegal ... I thought it was 30mins per 6 hours

FizzyGreenWater Mon 13-Nov-17 19:16:20

Shoe inserts!

Get your dad some gob inserts at the same time grin

KimmySchmidt1 Mon 13-Nov-17 19:20:32

He was definitely out of line - I expect his defensive reaction was due to feeling tremendous guilt that his own poor parenting meant he failed to get you the operation you needed when you were a child.

That is not an excuse for hurting your feelings - it is a distorted expression of his own feelings which he is incapable of managing himself. A lot of fathers do this and they terrorise their families because of their own inability to identify and diagnose their feelings.

Suggest you say this to him next time. i hate seeing whole families skirt around a father's feelings without confronting him while he has any old tantrum he likes. It all needs getting out in the open in my view.

Thesmallthings Mon 13-Nov-17 19:27:51

fizzy that did make me smile.

I'll have a look for the inserts they sound like they would help alot

kimmy I don't know if it's that but your right about the tantrums. He has to be right and is very black and white. Family do kind of tip toe around so not to get him started on things. I'm making him sound bad but he has his good side I know he would die to save any one in our family. He is a brilliant grandad much better then he was a dad when I was a child. So maybe he does feel some guilt.

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