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To think that everyone in a group can’t all be ill / busy last minute?

(24 Posts)
BlueCaravelle Mon 13-Nov-17 14:17:40

My dd is in year one at school. A group of us mums across the year group do semi regular meet ups like meeting for coffee / lunch every few months.
This lunch time it was my turn to suggest a place and arrange etc. Told everyone I could. Asked another Mum to pass on to the parents I didn’t track down. All arranged two weeks ago. I chased Friday to remind people. Everyone said they would come.
Guess what? Not one single person turned up! It’s normal 8-10 people so what’s the possibility all ten was ill? There’s no way it was the wrong time and like I said I told six people and the other Mum said she would spread the word too.
Felt like a right Prat.
No one texted me either. This happened to once before when my son was a baby. I had about ten people in nct group. We all met around each house each week for lunch. I lived the furthest away and when it was my turn to host no one showed up and the meet ups stopped. Not sure if the rest stayed friends or the group just fell apart at that time and was a coincidence. But again I felt horrible at the time.
AIBU to not arrange again / meet up again. I’m angry and upset as I’m paranoid they all decided behind my back to not show up. School run at three and I feel so awkward, and angry tbh.

Mulberry72 Mon 13-Nov-17 14:24:23

For you flowers

I had a very similar thing happen to me when DS started school, I suggested a sort of “get to know you” lunch at a local pub which everyone (12 women & 2 men) was extremely enthusiastic about.

Came to the day, one text me to pull out (her DD was ill) no problem these things happen, only 1 person turned up! I was mortified but the girl who turned up and I ended up having a right laugh and we’re still quite good friends now.

Sorry I know that doesn’t really help you but I do feel your pain.

BlueCaravelle Mon 13-Nov-17 14:36:23

Thanks. Mortifying is the right word. I feel really uncomfortable about bumping into them on the school run now.
I feel worse as it’s not the kind of thing I would do myself. I text or call if something pops up. I have a close friend who pulls out of things very last minute and anything seems to go - like her booking a doc appointment for the exact time we arranged to meet up on the morning.
This feels worse as at least flakey mate calls before bailing out.

Wtfdoicare Mon 13-Nov-17 14:39:17

So sorry. That seems like such a shitty thing to do. I'm guessing there is no possibility of a mistake with venue or time? I would have trouble being friendly to them if I saw them, but try and hold your head up high for the school run. You sound lovely and they sound awful/flaky/not worth being friends with.

BenLui Mon 13-Nov-17 14:43:40

I’d brazen through it. They are in the wrong after all.

“Oi! What happened to you lot! No one showed for lunch??” Then wait and see what they say.

Don’t feel embarrassed. This is a situation of their making, they need to apologise.

It is possible that some of the group have genuine reasons for staying away, don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.

MayFayner Mon 13-Nov-17 14:45:31

I would say it to them all. They probably all think enough others turned up that they weren't missed. Really, really rude of anyone invited not to text, though, to say they couldn't make it.

Jessikita Mon 13-Nov-17 18:18:06

How did you get on at the school gates?

MadMags Mon 13-Nov-17 18:20:03

It’s really weird that not one single person showed up. Mistaken venue maybe?

SandyDenny Mon 13-Nov-17 18:24:27

I'd with the type of text suggested by BenLui, act breezy and see what response you get.

I do feel for you and hope you find it wasn't anything personal

BriechonCheese Mon 13-Nov-17 18:43:36

What happened at the school run?

MimiDeLaSun Mon 13-Nov-17 18:47:45

How rotten of them.

BlueCaravelle Mon 13-Nov-17 19:23:15

Well that school run was painful. Bumped into one of the mums who I didn’t text directly and she knew nothing about it so the other Mum hadn’t passed on the details. That Mum was apologetic and asked if want to meet for a chat a coffee before we pick up tomorrow. Out of pity I think!
The Mum who said she would spread the word and confirmed Friday she was coming ( she’s defiantly known the date for two weeks) just airily said ‘oh was that today? I thought we’d arraged next week?’
I checked my phone and texts. She said on Friday “see you at x on Monday”
She was standing with four of the other mums who didn’t say much.
Arrgghhh!

MadMags Mon 13-Nov-17 19:24:32

Ah, that’s good. So just a mix up all round!

Have you rescheduled for next week?

Passthecake30 Mon 13-Nov-17 19:29:14

TBH I'd just not organise anything for them again, but I wouldn't write them off, go along to the next meet up etc. It's hard to make and keep friends so give them one more chance...?

JRT2017 Mon 13-Nov-17 19:56:05

Feel for you OP. How disorganised and flaky. I wouldn’t rearrange personally, id continue to go to things I was invited to, but leave arranging anything else yourself until the new year now and next time do ALL the inviting yourself!

BlueCaravelle Mon 13-Nov-17 20:01:23

Yes I think I’m going to tag along but not arrange next time. Then if it goes wrong I’m not to blame and left feeling and looking like a idiot. I will try to get the Mum who’s meeting me tomorrow to give me her number so we can go together
Arranging doesn’t go well for me. Lesson learnt.

Dozer Mon 13-Nov-17 20:05:36

It was rude and suggests those people didn’t really want to meet up. IME this happens quite often with things lots of people who are aquaintances rather than friends - eg parents of DC in the same year as in this case - are invited to.

Dozer Mon 13-Nov-17 20:07:46

The mums I know who organise this kind of thing always do it by email / whatsapp to gage who’s coming and often even confirm who’s expected! Word of mouth makes it easy to avoid.

Sugarcoma Mon 13-Nov-17 20:20:54

To anyone who thinks this was a genuine mistake on that mum’s part - you’re having a laugh. Clearly she was being a complete bitch - is she the queen bee OP?

The main thing is to not show it got to you. Don’t mention it again and just pursue some one on one coffers with people.

TheVanguardSix Mon 13-Nov-17 20:25:41

How frustrating for you, OP.
I am the most antisocial mum ever (terribly shy in RL) however, I would always show at organised dos. It's such a lovely way to stay connected over the years.
Echoing what Dozer said:
I meet up once in a blue moon for drinks with mums in my neighbourhood and not all of our kids attend the same schools. So whatsapp makes it incredibly easy on us as a group to communicate/organise/cancel.

Try again! Create a whatsapp group.

user1497357411 Mon 13-Nov-17 20:45:43

And then British people wonder why foreigners pull faces when the British have their "British people are oh so polite" monologue.

Calvinlookingforhobbs Mon 13-Nov-17 21:04:31

I’m really sorry but I think they are trying to ghost you. I don’t say this of of meanness but I worry that you’re going to be made to look desperate for not taking what was a very nasty hint? So sorry OP x

BlueCaravelle Mon 13-Nov-17 21:34:49

I do kind of think it wasn’t a mistake by the main Mum. Not sure if I’m paranoid but it’s weird. She seems very alpha and wants to take control. She says she’s busy doing the arranging of everything but I think she likes the control inreality. I’m not arranging again, it’s ruined my day and life’s to short to feel like that.
It was uncomfortable that the mums she was standing with didn’t say much. Some of them are lovely, some are ok and some are a bit cliquey but that’s the norm in bigger groups.
I can’t guess what I could have done wrong but maybe she does want to be in charge and I stepped on her toes? But I’m not the only one to suggest the time and venue. I can’t get my head round what else I have done if it wasn’t a mistake.
Dd has a long time left in the school so as long as I can get on with them that’s ok. I will see what the plan is Re the next meet up. Thankfully they aren’t every month.
I will suggest the WhatsApp group. See what tomorrow pick up brings.

Wtfdoicare Tue 14-Nov-17 11:07:12

I'd agree with you Blue. It does sound vindictive almost and certainly intentional. Don't worry about it, but perhaps be careful with alpha mum. Hope today works out a bit better for you flowers

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