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To think that, discipline wise, school, home and sports should stay separate?

(34 Posts)
Lweji Mon 13-Nov-17 07:49:00

My son's football coach is holding a meeting today with parents where I expect he'll propose effectively punishing players for bad grades or bad behaviour at school or at home. (He hinted at it last game and put one player on the bench with this reasoning)

I disagree with this and plan to tell him and everybody.
Home should be where the buck stops and most behaviour issues should be dealt where they occurred, with parental support.
Behaviour at home should be dealt with there and parents that seek to punish in other contexts look weak. They should be able to talk to their kids. In this case they're 12 year olds.

OTOH, they can only benefit from a sports activity.

I understand it can be complicated if the sports is the only thing they really care about, but I can think if other ways to deal with behaviour that are more direct consequences of it.

What are your views? I'd like either to present good arguments or be convinced they're right and I'm wrong.

ComingUpTrumps Mon 13-Nov-17 07:53:25

I agree with you. It's really unfair - and might also be quite confusing - for kids to do something they shouldn't at home and/or school and then be punished for it at a sports practice.

I can see that maybe the coach is trying to teach them discipline, but it's not really his place to do it, unless the kids do something serious during the practice that he feels the need to 'punish' there and then.

FireCracker2 Mon 13-Nov-17 08:03:33

So is the football team attached to the school?

magpiemischief Mon 13-Nov-17 08:04:11

How will the coach know school grades?

How will they know about behaviour at home?

FireCracker2 Mon 13-Nov-17 08:04:35

How will hge know what goes on at school or at home?

FireCracker2 Mon 13-Nov-17 08:05:12

Cross post

Groovee Mon 13-Nov-17 08:10:05

Our school runs a school of football where football coaching is built into the timetable. They have strict rules of poor behaviour in classes or falling behind means that the school of football is put on a backburner for that pupil. The pupils and their parents are explained all of this and they sign a contract.

But if it was a local youth football team, I wouldn’t be happy at my child being removed due to school issues.

Splinterz Mon 13-Nov-17 08:12:30

Coach Carter popped into my head where kids didn't make the team unless they made the school points grade average. And it's a true story and he saved a lot of them from a life of crime and drugs by making sure they had an education and discipline. Great film.

Oblomov17 Mon 13-Nov-17 08:12:55

I’m surprised. The coach is suggesting this? Ds1 and Ds2 play football. Ds1’s Behaviour has been quite poor for years now and on occasion we have had to threaten that he won’t be able to go to Football Training or a football match.

Which always bothers me as a threat, because it affects other people i.e. the other players and the coach and it doesn’t seem fair. sometimes because it’s the only thing he cares about, I have no other threat?

I have discussed this with the other football mums, who also face this, also the coach himself, and none of us are quite sure what to do.

magpiemischief Mon 13-Nov-17 08:18:27

Also what is his reasoning for doing this?

If behaviour or attainment is fully dealt with and resolved elsewhere, it requires no further input. To imply that it does, undermines the authority of these other agencies.

If this is offered as an option, for parents to suggest, in certain circumstances, I can see how it could be supportive.

ToffeeUp Mon 13-Nov-17 08:18:47

No I wouldn't be happy about that and there is no way I would provide the coach with information about my children's school work or their behaviour away from the football pitch.

Amanduh Mon 13-Nov-17 08:24:10

If it's a school team then I completely agree with the behaviour and grades connection... but not for an outside school team plus how would they know?

PotteringAlong Mon 13-Nov-17 08:26:48

At the school I work at, We have pupils who are on day release to premiership football clubs and their academy. They get their reports etc. If they mess around at school they kick them out of the academy. It's part of the deal.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Mon 13-Nov-17 08:32:09

DS was (in my opinion) unfairly punished at cadets for something stupid he did at school. The transgression was puerile (mooning) but he lost his corporal rank at cadets and was nearly kicked out. I thought this was completely unfair because the school had already given him a detention, and if the cadet force had not been attached to the school they would never have known, so in my opinion he was punished twice for a moment of stupidity that happened in school time.

To her credit, the cadet leader was unhappy punishing him but as she also taught at the school she felt she had no choice.

Becles Mon 13-Nov-17 08:50:58


Mooning is not purile behaviour that should be overlooked.

When, where, who and why will have contributed to the decision by cadets to sanction him for bringing the organisation into disrepute just as it would anyone else.

Ttbb Mon 13-Nov-17 08:55:31

It seems like a good idea to me. Not all children respect their parents, even at that age, if the care about their sports then at least they will receive some form of effective punishment.

Lweji Mon 13-Nov-17 09:15:19

How will the coach know school grades?

How will they know about behaviour at home?

As far as I understand it, he'll want to be shown grades and for parents to tell him of any issues.

We haven't had the meeting yet, so I can't give any details or actual proposed policy. Just trying to think about it in advance so that I can discuss it properly.

They've asked for grades reports before but I've never handed any. smile

Lweji Mon 13-Nov-17 09:16:31

Oh, and football is completely separate from the school, but they are federated and play official games.

Lweji Mon 13-Nov-17 09:18:42

none of us are quite sure what to do.

At least we are in the same boat.
I don't have issues with my DS but I can understand that other parents can struggle.

Seeline Mon 13-Nov-17 09:19:45

I think that is completely wrong!
A child's grades are between the school, the child and the parent - not to be handed to all and sundry. What guarantees are there that they will remain private? How is a football coach going to judge what's good and bad?
Also all parents parent differently. What is bad behaviour for one family, may not even register with another. Bad behaviour at home is for a parent to deal with not the football team.
Fair enough if a child behaves badly at football, or is not attending training, or displays unsporting behaviour - coach do what you like!

Lweji Mon 13-Nov-17 09:21:19

If they mess around at school they kick them out of the academy. It's part of the deal.

That makes sense because it's like a scholarship and academies demand more in terms of training, so they should make sure players/athletes keep up at school.

In this case we pay for them to learn and play.

Lweji Mon 13-Nov-17 09:23:00

What do you think if parents approach the coach for him to discipline the child?
Do you think the coach should accept or refuse?

WhatwouldAryado Mon 13-Nov-17 09:24:18

But surely those who are prone to bad behaviour need to know it will have an impact on the rest of their life?

magpiemischief Mon 13-Nov-17 09:24:43

Just get together with the parents and refuse, politely, to consent to it then. If the majority refuse, the coach will either have no team or respect the parent’s wishes. The fact that this is presented through a discussion suggests consent is required.

magpiemischief Mon 13-Nov-17 09:26:11

What do you think if parents approach the coach for him to discipline the child?

Only in so far as to refuse them entry to the club or participation in games. The parents pay, so they could refuse payment anyway.

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