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Aibu or is MIL?

(34 Posts)

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Bananabanana81 Sun 12-Nov-17 20:22:31

I had a miscarriage earlier in the year and my MIL was coming down to have the children while I had to go into hospital to have a D&C which my husband was coming with me to. My husband went to pick her up and she made some excuse to not come when he had arrived( 90 minute journey) so came back without her. This isn’t the first time she has done this, I’m not bothered by this now to be honest but thought I would add it as this was the start of the problem.

As it happened it turned into an emergency situation where I ended up haemorrhaging and it was life threatening the doctors told me. We hadn’t spoken to MIL since and she hadn’t called either.

My husband called him mum yesterday and had a chat with her and she was making small talk then my husband told her how serious it had been with me and she said sorry about that but it’s one of them things. Things got a little heated and she told him about something I had confided in her in confidence before we had fallen out. I feel absolutely awful and know my husband must feel even more awful. Before all of this kicked off I thought we were close and talked to her about anything and now I feel it’s amunotion to throw back in my face. My husband ended up putting the phone down on her which is something he never does with his mum.

I’m going no contact with her, I don’t really know what I’m asking just needed to write it down but do you think her behaviour is justified?

Bruceishavingfish Sun 12-Nov-17 20:23:42

What is it she told him?

MissEliza Sun 12-Nov-17 20:25:42

Sounds like you have a supportive dh. That’s a blessing and you should focus on that.

LouHotel Sun 12-Nov-17 20:26:47

I think youve posted about this before - go no contact.

WhatwouldAryado Sun 12-Nov-17 20:28:19

Your husband has your back. His mum will hopefully mull over this reality and come back to start over on this. Sorry for your loss x

Bananabanana81 Sun 12-Nov-17 20:29:57

I told her about an argument my DH had had which resulted in him saying he didn’t want any more children. He later told me he didn’t actually mean that it was just said in the heat of the moment but I was upset as I had just lost my mum so emotions were running high for both of us as DH was also close to my mum. I told MIL this though(I know I shouldn’t have) and this is what she told DH on the phone. I think she said it to try and cause trouble between us as when I originally told her she said she wouldn’t say anything.

I wouldn’t normally have spoken about things like that but at the time I had lots of things going through my head and I couldn’t handle falling out with DH also.

Rainbowandraindrops67 Sun 12-Nov-17 20:38:17

Definitely go no contact - you don’t need people like that im your life
Ignore the previous argument between you and your OH - people say things they don’t mean in arguments and also when bereaved - it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want more kids at all. How cruel of her to bring this up though when you have just lost one. She’s awful - stay well clear.

Bananabanana81 Sun 12-Nov-17 20:45:39

Rainbow, I hadn’t thought about it like that, her mentioning about not wanting a baby after I had miscarried but you’re right, it makes it more despicable.

SchadenfreudePersonified Sun 12-Nov-17 20:59:08

She's appalling! I'm so glad your DH has taken your part - he must have been worried sick about you, too.

You would be perfectly justified in cutting all contact.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Sun 12-Nov-17 21:01:19

I remember your previous posts. Sounds like you mil really has fucked up her very last chance.
Nc for good and concentrate on each other.

Bananabanana81 Sun 12-Nov-17 21:08:33

I can’t get my head around her saying it was just one of them things when she heard how bad things were. I used to feel so close to her and it all feels a lie. I know I shouldn’t have confided in her when DH and I had a row but I was so upset afterwards. Luckily he has seen it for what it is and that’s MIL trying to cause trouble.

SenoritaViva Sun 12-Nov-17 21:14:59

Sorry for your

Your DH sounds lovely and supportive, I'd focus on each other for now. What a shame mil has burnt her bridges.

TabbyMumz Sun 12-Nov-17 21:16:43

You say this happened on the phone yesterday, but you posted this same thing weeks ago?

HateHomework Sun 12-Nov-17 21:20:37

Reminds me of my MIL who told everyone I had a miscarriage, I made the fucking mistake to confide in her!
Go NC even for a bit for you to calm down then just do what feels right
But of course YANBU in any way!

And really sorry for your mc

Bananabanana81 Sun 12-Nov-17 21:21:58

Tabby, this all happened months ago with the miscarriage and DH phoned MIL yesterday as she had left a miscall.

TabbyMumz Sun 12-Nov-17 21:24:57

No, my point was that you said the same phonecall happened in your post weeks ago too. Also the bit about her saying "it's one of those things"!! You said that weeks ago too.

Bluntness100 Sun 12-Nov-17 21:33:28

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

crispinquent Sun 12-Nov-17 21:33:36

Sounds like pot-stirring. Reduce contact for your sanity

JumpingJellybeanz Sun 12-Nov-17 21:34:29

So what if the OP has posted about this before? Maybe she's still bothered and wants to go over it again.

HateHomework Sun 12-Nov-17 21:35:59

Bluntness but she said she had 3 dc in the other thread!!

Bluntness100 Sun 12-Nov-17 21:37:48

Bluntness but she said she had 3 dc in the other thread!!

Yes, she did' what am I missing,?she also goes on to say on that thread in a later post her and her husband have no other family.

Bananabanana81 Sun 12-Nov-17 21:37:49

Exactly jumping, I don’t know what you’re reporting for bluntness. Problems can reoccur! Or play on people’s mind. Can’t even offload on an anonymous forum.

Bananabanana81 Sun 12-Nov-17 21:39:08

We don’t have any other family other than each other bluntness! I don’t class in laws with their shitty behaviour as family but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt!!

TabbyMumz Sun 12-Nov-17 21:41:40

But banana you said the call happened yesterday, and it didn't, so you lose credibility. I think you may have namechanged, as I can't see it in your history, but last time you had hundreds of people giving you advice. Is it going to be any different this time?

HateHomework Sun 12-Nov-17 21:41:47

bluntness I think she said she had no parents not sure she said she had no family

Anyway OP fuck Mil as I said earlier keep your distance for a while

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