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To not want to clean up after step children?

(161 Posts)
EmmaLou3422 Sun 12-Nov-17 13:23:27

Now, I don’t mind the odd bit of tidying up after them, putting toys away, finding my extension leads and charger his son as borrowed and not put back, I know children are messy, but AIBU to be angry to be left with half eaten chocolate bars chucked about the house, wrappers put next to the bin instead of in it, Even found some hidden behind the microwave which is right next to the bin because they couldn’t be bothered to put it in the bin and being on my hands and knees trying to scrub the awful piss smell off the bathroom floor because his 13 year old son is incapable of aiming in the toilet? He gets up early every morning on weekends, before me. He could have a quick whip round. I don’t mind being left with the washing up or vacuuming, polishing that kind of stuff. But he went out and left me with everything this morning. It literally looked like squatters had been in. It was vile. When I walked in the kitchen I almost cried. We both work full time and I work longer hours than him, it’s not like I’m a stay at home Mum, I don’t even have kids yet (currently pregnant).

Quartz2208 Sun 12-Nov-17 13:25:17

No but it's your partners fault and I suspect a lack of willingness to tell his children

notanurse2017 Sun 12-Nov-17 13:25:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Sun 12-Nov-17 13:26:55

Please leave it exactly as it is for when dh gets back ...

MyKingdomForBrie Sun 12-Nov-17 13:27:22

YANBU in that they shouldn’t be leaving that kind of mess, step children or not. He needs to start laying down and enforcing some basic rules on using the bin/toilet.

BelligerentGardenPixies Sun 12-Nov-17 13:28:26

You are right to be raging a your DH.

Teenage kids can be dirty, lazy little buggers and can need a lot of supervision to make the clear up after themselves but that is his job, not yours. And if they still don't clear up after themselves... still his job, not yours.

I would be having stern words about not being the house skivvy and others pulling their weight if I were you.

WhatwouldAryado Sun 12-Nov-17 13:28:50

Deal with this through your partner. It's a problem for any house they are in though. Do they live with you? If they do then a clear outline of responsibilities is needed and should be laid down. If they Don't house rules need to be made clear.
As for the pissing teen. Definitely the teen should clear that up it should motivate him to improve his aim!

EmmaLou3422 Sun 12-Nov-17 13:29:41

@notanurse2017 I sent him a shitty text this morning about it and I had a sarcastic text back telling me well done for cleaning my own house up. they are 7 and 13.

notanurse2017 Sun 12-Nov-17 13:31:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 12-Nov-17 13:32:05

No, of course not. It's disgusting behaviour and incredibly disrespectful of your home.

I hope you haven't spent the morning tidying up. I'd go out and leave it all for him to do. If you keep doing it all neither SS nor DP will change.

You can't make SS behave better, it'll have to come from his dad, but he doesn't seem to mind the littering and filth so he can do the cleaning up.

Stop. Today. Do your own cooking, cleaning and tidying and don't let yourself get so annoyed by it you end up doing it.

A few wrappers isn't the end of the world but pissing all over the floor is inexcusable. And putting crap by but not in the bin is lazy and horrible.

If you're doing things like laundry for DP and he doesn't step up in telling SS to pick up after himself or do ALL the cleaning up after him himself then stop. It's all of your home and if you don't stop being a doormat now life will be even harder when your baby comes.

deepestdarkestperu Sun 12-Nov-17 13:32:30

Blame your OH. He needs to tell his children to clean up after themselves. It's not their fault - most kids will be lazy and leave things lying around if they can get away with it!

This needs dealing with before you have a newborn and he expects you to look after them, and clean up after his older children. You both work, there's absolutely no reason why the housework should be left to you. Why doesn't he clean up after his children, or make them clean up before they leave?

Quartz2208 Sun 12-Nov-17 13:33:34

Really dear god you need to deal with this before your baby is born

poisoningpidgeysinthepark Sun 12-Nov-17 13:34:17

That kind of sarcastic message would give me the rage! I'd tell him that if he can't stop his kids making a mess of your house, he can see them in someone else's house. The cheek angry

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 12-Nov-17 13:35:07

X post. He fucking what?! Cheeky bastard.

Go on strike. Now. Stop doing anything for any of them. What a prick. Even if you were SAHM it wouldn't be your job to skivvy around him and his poorly behaved children.

You don't have long to put your foot down as he's going to get even worse when you're on maternity leave and home more.

MyKingdomForBrie Sun 12-Nov-17 13:38:12

Oh God. I would not be able to deal with that kind of attitude. I have to say in that situation I would be taking over discipline of the kids myself - not your job but if he’s not going to do it I couldn’t live like that.

EmmaLou3422 Sun 12-Nov-17 13:39:09

I’ve tried leaving it before but I can’t, I’m too much of a clean freak. There was a crisp packet left in the bathroom and I thought “I’m not putting it in the bin, he can do it” it was in there for 4 days before i couldn’t take it anymore and put it in the bin. Also his youngest tried doing to Oreo prank (putting toothpaste inside and putting it back together for someone to eat) but left toothpaste all over the sink and bath and a knife in there with toothpaste on, that got left for three days. I tell him to clean it up, I’ve tried asking nicely and not so nicely, but still gets left, and if he does have to clean it up I get thrown abuse at for about an hour and I’m the bad one.
They don’t live with us, they come round one night in the week for dinner then with us Saturday morning till Sunday evening.

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 12-Nov-17 13:43:34

Sorry, who is abusing you for an hour at a time when you very fairly tell him to clean up after his filthy kids, your DP?

OP, that's not okay. That's a lot lot worse than the mess.

Do you really want to stay with him? Can you imagine being exhausted trying to look after your new baby having to walk over piles of crap and knowing there's no point bringing it up because the result will be an angry rant from the person who's meant to be looking after you?

Nanny0gg Sun 12-Nov-17 13:43:46

You do realise that once you've had your baby it will only get worse, don't you? sad

Darcychu Sun 12-Nov-17 13:44:15

Sounds delightful o_0 really though he is taking you for a mug and getting away with it, why would he bother doing anything if you just let him get away with it?

MyKingdomForBrie Sun 12-Nov-17 13:45:19

What about this guy made you want to have a baby with him?? If my DH ‘threw abuse’ at me I would honestly consider not being in my relationship. How on earth does he justify that? X

Ermm Sun 12-Nov-17 13:46:30

I don't think the problem is the stepchildren. Its your husband. i.e. why should you be responsible for cleaning up the house?

Couldsleeptillnextyear Sun 12-Nov-17 13:47:04

Tackle them yourself,yr dh clearly isn't going to..stand there asking ,refuse to budge till it's done.use the broken record ,just keep repeating what you want them to do ,and don't move till it's done.why should they walk all over you

deepestdarkestperu Sun 12-Nov-17 13:47:28

Was he like this before you got pregnant? If so, what on earth possessed you to have a child with him? He's shown you what he's like - don't expect him to change now!

stabbyjoe Sun 12-Nov-17 13:48:46

Who only eats half a chocolate bar?!

Jasminedes Sun 12-Nov-17 13:49:29

Think about how house rules will work once baby is here - will you and he be co-parenting dsc when they are with you, and will all dc be treated the same? Things are going to change, and it is not looking good.

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