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To think it's really hard to be a good teacher and good mum?

(55 Posts)
Mammyloveswine Sun 12-Nov-17 12:31:36

Currently sat crying my eyes out as feel like I've neglected DS1 (22 months) today. We've been stuck in the house whilst I cleaned this morning, he's refused to nap so I'm trying to do my planning whilst he's pottering about (and CBeebies is on in the background).

I'm officially part time (0.7 contract) but have responsiblity for the planning and assessment of 2 year groups so have as much work outside of the classroom as my full-time colleagues, I just work a shorter day but still 5 days a week in school.

My DH works 12 hour days (including weekends) and I'm 33 weeks pregnant. I was expecting my parents at "lunchtime" so just rang to ask if they were on their way and would they mind taking DS1 to the park for an hour so I could get on uninterrupted. I was told "Oh no were busy and were off shopping now so it'll be late this afternoon we get to you now". I know they don't have to help and I do as much work as I can through the week when DH might have a day off or when DS sleeps but I just feel so tired and like I don't have enough time to be both a good teacher and a good mother. I get no time to myself at all and I'm just feeling fed up.

I'm not even sure what my aibu is.. I just feel close to breaking point.

silvergoldshine Sun 12-Nov-17 12:38:08

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

millmoo Sun 12-Nov-17 12:40:08

How rude silvergoldshine !!

TractorTedTed Sun 12-Nov-17 12:40:20

Yanbu

But yabu to post on aibu. I'm afraid you won't get much sympathy.

snackajacker Sun 12-Nov-17 12:42:48

I’m so sorry but I know how hard it is. I promise it does get better. It will as your baby gets older xx

ColinCreevy Sun 12-Nov-17 12:43:35

shock silvergoldshine you are disgusting.

silvergoldshine Sun 12-Nov-17 12:44:33

That was very rude of me I am so sorry OP. Id love to be part time and have help from my parents and it caught me in a bad moment, but no excuse. Sorry again.

Graceflorrick Sun 12-Nov-17 12:45:17

OP, when you had a DC, you did so on the understanding that time to yourself would be limited. A second DC will decrease this further. Sadly, it’s the nature of modern life.

You need to talk openly with your DH about the best path forward as this clearly isn’t working for you.

Appuskidu Sun 12-Nov-17 12:46:01

Post this in the staff room-it’s kinder over there.

You poor thing-when does your mat leave start?

Mammyloveswine Sun 12-Nov-17 12:46:38

Ok then aibu to sack off my planning, take DS1 out for the afternoon and just wing it with my class this week? (I wish).

Oh silvergoldshine, I assume you have NEVER felt the need for a rant/moan when things have gotten on top of you?

I probably am BU to post on here but maybe it will encourage me to give my head a shake if everyone tells me to just shut up!

Council Sun 12-Nov-17 12:47:26

I think it's really hard for any family to have 2 "proper" careers (i.e. rather than a "little" job) and feel that things are as they should be at home.

I work in school now, after many years of a commercial job doing the kind of hours your DH does and I promise, you teaching is no different to any other meaningful career in terms of the demands on you and family life.

The choice is whether both of you want/need to carry on with your careers

Appuskidu Sun 12-Nov-17 12:47:33

Also-how come you’re doing all the planning for 2 year groups??

WombatStewForTea Sun 12-Nov-17 12:50:18

Why have you got the planning responsibility for two years? Even if you're teaching both you shouldn't be doing all the planning. I doubt you're getting double the ppa or thanks for it. You really need to speak to your head and explain you're struggling and ask what they can do to help.

Passmethecrisps Sun 12-Nov-17 12:50:50

Sack off your planning and go and enjoy some time with your DS.

Honestly, I think any job is really hard with kids. That’s why there are so many women scraping and bowing and feeling apologetic.

wowbutter Sun 12-Nov-17 12:50:56

@silvergoldshine she says she is part time, but has the same responsibility as full time.
0.7 doesn't mean she does two days a week in class, and then sits on her arse for the rest of it. 0.7 I imagine means she gets two afternoons off, as she says she is in school for five days.
Those afternoons off probably get taken up wit matking, planning, speaking with parents etc.
She's also spending most of her weekend working too.
With a toddler and being heavily pregnant.
That sucks. Have some humanity.

Yes, other jobs are hard, yes everyone works their bums off. But teachers do get shit dumped on them from all sides, and do not get paid well.

Op, I understand the guilt of not being able to play with your child due to work. It's awful. I hope your parents arrive soon, and can help you.
I have no advice. I left education.

wowbutter Sun 12-Nov-17 12:52:34

I did t think sacking off the planning was an option. DO THAT. Wing it for a bit. If you are in primary, stick news round on and hope for the best, then discuss it. If they're older... fuck knows. I only ever did primary.

PumpkinPie2016 Sun 12-Nov-17 12:54:08

YANBU I am full time but only have 1 child. I lead a KS as well and feel your pain! Tried to work this morning but DH is out working and DS was bored so ended up making cakes with him. He has a swimming lesson this afternoon as well so that will take another hour and a half.

I constantly feel as though I am neglecting something/somebody sad

No idea what the answer is but you have my sympathies x

Passmethecrisps Sun 12-Nov-17 12:54:54

And yes to winging it for a bit. You are about to go on mat leave and you have been given an unacceptable level of planning. The school will need to cope without you very soon anyway so why not make that now?

Mammyloveswine Sun 12-Nov-17 12:55:26

Maternity leave starts when I break up for Christmas... I'm the higher esrner so can't afford for it to start earlier (and if baby comes slightly early then I'll be back to work a few weeks earlier than planned to compensate).

I don't get family help silvergoldshine, it's the first time I've ever asked my parents. And they're not helping, will probs turn up around tea time when im getting lo sorted for bed.... Will just be another late night which is fair enough I'm just finding it harder and harder as I'm so exhausted by the time DS1 goes down.

Genuinely don't know how full time teachers manage with young children!

I'll stop my whining now...

QuackingHell Sun 12-Nov-17 12:56:12

I have a friend who packed in teaching when she had DC because she felt like she couldn't do both well. She's working elsewhere while kids are small and is going back to teaching when they're older! No advice just sympathy. She found it really hard x

Council Sun 12-Nov-17 12:56:12

See, I struggle with the argument that teachers are not well paid, once they've been "in" a few years the salaries are pretty decent. It would certainly be very hard to find a part-time job elsewhere that pays anything close.

P-T should mean P-T, but in any profession that's going to be hard. For me in a (non-teaching) P-T job, 60% just meant I didn't have to work evenings because I could do the usual work I would have done in the evening on my two days "off".

Lookingforadvice123 Sun 12-Nov-17 12:56:20

Don’t teally understand why everyone is being so rude. YANBU. Working parents have it hard, and to be honest I think teachers who are childless have it hard. I work 32 hours a week over 4 days and the juggle is a struggle but, at least I don’t have work to do outside of the office.

PlateOfBiscuits Sun 12-Nov-17 12:57:28

YANBU

Sometimes I look at my colleagues with children and think “how the fuck are you doing it?”.

Teaching is so busy that there are (a lot of) times where I can barely keep on top of myself/the house/food as well as the job - I can’t imagine doing all of that with a young child as well.

No advice but lots of sympathy.

monkeysox Sun 12-Nov-17 12:57:36

Wing it.flowers

TractorTedTed Sun 12-Nov-17 12:58:07

I didn't mean you were unreasonable in posting by the way, it's just I've seen some posters being given a hard time in the staffroom section on here, let alone in aibu.

Is there no room to negotiate getting a day off? Seems tough. Or could you reduce your hours in the future? 0.5/0.6 with at least a day or two off is far more manageable. I'm guessing you're primary though, so perhaps more difficult than in secondary.

Honestly though, sometimes you do need to do 'just enough ', if that means winging it a bit, then so be it. Don't burn yourself out. flowers

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