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...or is this just rude?

(119 Posts)
wheresmycat Sun 12-Nov-17 10:16:50

Just spent a fairly harrowing night at DBiL's...he and his wife are always quite hard work and I've really bent over backwards to think the best of them. He's a funny old stick but is kind in his own way and really loves DH so that's fine. Have really, really tried with DSiL but think I might have just cracked.

I'm 23 weeks pregnant. I've seen DBiL recently and he's happy for us. I haven't seen his wife since Christmas. Guess what she had to say to me?


Nothing. No 'congratulations', no 'how are you'. We got through the whole evening without either of them alluding to the fact that we were going to have a baby. DBiL made a vague allusion the next day. That's it.

Seriously what the fuck? If I'm clutching at straws I do know they've been trying for a while but it hasn't exactly been a walk in the park for us either. I don't expect to be fawned over, and wouldn't be going on about it, but COME ON. When you have guests, you offer them a cup of tea and ask them how they are-that's the absolute bare minimum (tea didn't happen either btw-I eventually went and made my own). When someone's pregnant, and especially if you know they've been through a lot to get there, you say 'congratulations'. Or am I just being an entitled bitch?

OllyBJolly Sun 12-Nov-17 10:21:24

Maybe it's just not a big deal for her? Other people's pregnancies are not that interesting.

TheStoic Sun 12-Nov-17 10:22:11

Is this your first child?

BrutusMcDogface Sun 12-Nov-17 10:23:09

She might be really, really struggling to accept the news that you're pregnant, if they've been trying for a while. sad

Splinterz Sun 12-Nov-17 10:24:04

How do they know you are pregnant, which sounds like a stupid question I know. Did you announce it last night (in which case congratulations are in order) or have they known for a while (in which case people medical health, is a taboo subject to enquire about). Britishness dictates "how are you?", "fine, you?", "fine". I absolutely hated the relentless pregnancy interrogation question to the point I considered laminated cards with an up date. Out of curiosity, do they have children?

Shoxfordian Sun 12-Nov-17 10:24:10

She's probably not that interested in your baby but it is polite to ask anyway

Sounds like she doesn't have very good social skills

NataliaOsipova Sun 12-Nov-17 10:25:23

She might be really, really struggling to accept the news that you're pregnant, if they've been trying for a while. sad

I think that's got to be it. She's struggling with it and can't bring herself to talk about it. Difficult and irritating for you, but I bet that's the reason.

Ilovelampandchair Sun 12-Nov-17 10:27:27

She 'should' have said congratulations but as you say she's been trying too and might be finding it all very painful. I think you could have a bit more sympathy. You don't like her clearly, are you sure you were just a bit delighted you managed it and she didn't?

You simply can't know how horrific she is feeling about your news. Or maybe she just is a dick and didn't want to give you the satisfaction. We'll never know.

Dauphinoise Sun 12-Nov-17 10:28:33

You found this "harrowing"...?!

Witsender Sun 12-Nov-17 10:28:35

One of my sisters in law hasn't even mentioned the fact we have had a baby 😂. She was on group emails when he was born etc and nothing. She's an odd one, perfectly nice but odd. It isn't about jealousy either, they have a couple of their own.

DappledThings Sun 12-Nov-17 10:28:43

Did she ask a general "How are you? because if she did it think that covers it.

twotired Sun 12-Nov-17 10:29:29

Perhaps a bit OTT but perhaps not. Hard to tell from your post.

Could they have been trying/wanted to have a baby and couldn't and be a bit upset about it?

Or as PP says some people don't find other people's pregnancies interesting. Do they normally offer you tea and ask how you are?

If they are always hard work and a bit absent minded I'd just probably put it down to an irritating trait of theirs and let it wash over me. To be honest being pregnant is stressful anyway, I wouldn't worry myself about it.

Sorry you felt ignored and on the front of it I agree it doesn't seem fair especially as it's upset you, but maybe they are just thoughtless.

I'm sure someone will be along to disagree with me in a minute and tell you to NC them 😂

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, OP flowers

ZaZathecat Sun 12-Nov-17 10:29:43

She might be really, really struggling to accept the news that you're pregnant, if they've been trying for a while. sad

But it sounds like they didn't even say the usual token "How are you" which you'd say to any visitor. And no offer of a cup of tea??? Hanging offence.

VladmirsPoutine Sun 12-Nov-17 10:33:36

Yanbu. Even if they are struggling the polite thing to do is be an adult and be civil.
According to MN even if you were at due date and were in labour you should probably have tried to cover it up and walked yourself to the hospital.

wheresmycat Sun 12-Nov-17 10:37:30

ooops just lost my message.

No, no basic 'hello how are you'. She's always like this but I've just clicked this time. I'd be really, really sympathetic if I thought she was breaking her heart about her own troubles-and as I knew they were trying I deliberately didn't start talking about it. But I just didn't get that sense from her. It's not that I think I'm the first person to have a baby ever, or some sort of sacred mother; I'm not banging on about it to everyone - but this is . I don't understand it.

Pengggwn Sun 12-Nov-17 10:38:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wheresmycat Sun 12-Nov-17 10:38:48

meant to say 'this is family'

HarrietKettleWasHere Sun 12-Nov-17 10:39:38


FenellaMaxwellsPony Sun 12-Nov-17 10:40:52

I'm not sure you know the correct definition of harrowing.....

spiney Sun 12-Nov-17 10:41:22

It is rude AND strange. If they know. Are you sure they know? They sound very socially awkward.

LavenderDoll Sun 12-Nov-17 10:41:42

Why was the night harrowing? Did other stuff happen?

She should have / could have said congratulations . There could be a reason why she didn't or she might just be a little rude. It's not a massive deal really

WonderLime Sun 12-Nov-17 10:42:33

o, no basic 'hello how are you'. She's always like this but I've just clicked this time.

My brother is Autistic, but mostly he's high functioning. However one thing he's always struggled with is small talk. He wouldnt even think about asking how anyone is. He's not being rude and does care.

If she is always like that, then I doubt she is being rude.

Crunchymum Sun 12-Nov-17 10:43:01

You are being seriously precious first born OP (can't believe someone had to ask if this was your first grin)

They are struggling to conceive.

And your pregnancy just isn't that interesting to them (or anyone else. Sorry!!)

Did they offer some kind of congratulations when you announced your pregnancy?

wheresmycat Sun 12-Nov-17 10:43:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewPots Sun 12-Nov-17 10:43:28

I think the word "harrowing" needed to be "awkward" instead. When I read harrowing, I thought that there had been some awful news like a serious illness or death.

However, it was a little rude to not acknowledge your pregnancy. Even if you're not that interested, it's a token gesture to just say "how's it all going" etc.

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