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to break it off with guy even though i love him?

(7 Posts)
AprilFall Sat 11-Nov-17 21:03:46

I'm really struggling to come to a decision about my relationship. In January, I met an AMAZING guy, so lovely, so sweet, same sense of humour, majorly talented in his career, attractive, etc.

I am 100% in love with this guy. But I just keep having doubts about the relationship. I mean, when I'm with him I couldn't be happier, he makes me feel like a better person and all we do is talk and laugh and the connection is just so intense. I love him, i really really do.

However, I met him just a month after the end of my LTR (which lasted 5 years). My exBF had cheated on me with a work colleague and after I found out and left him, moved her into our flat. It was my first ever heartbreak, and it hurt like hell.

Then this guy entered my world and ever fibre in my body warned me to not get too emotionally involved - I tried to keep things casual and light, but over time (i'd say I fell in love with him in about May - I just looked at him waking up one morning and burst out with "I love you"), it just wasn't possible. I'd fallen for this guy so hard.

But in all honesty, I still feel completely hurt by my ex. I constantly think of how he could do that when he loved someone. It's making me do stupid things that jeopardise my future with this guy. Because my ex was pretty controlling i find myself lying about insignificant things to my DP - about which friends I'm going out with, where I'm going, time i get in - I'm in no way doing anything wrong or cheating but I just seem to keep lying. He's not my ex, but I am still expecting the same behaviour. Its so confusing.

Sometimes I feel myself getting angry about the past and he gets the brunt of it. It's so unfair. I see him acting confused and all he offers me is love and I'm being shit and moody. We're both going through hard times with studying and work at the minute, but I find myself helping myself before I help him.

I have a feeling in me that I'm not over being cheated on (NOT my ex - my DP is 10000 times that man) and I hate it because I honestly feel my DP is the love of my life, and I just met him at a time when I can't offer him what he's offering me,

I feel so down and hopeless. I feel so cruel letting my DP put up with my shit selfish behaviour any longer, but I know that I'd be breaking both our hearts to split up. I've suggested spending shorter amounts of time together to give me "space", but this hasn't happened - mainly due to him moving out of his flat and living with me until he gets deposit sorted. My family and friends adore him and think he's perfect for me - he is. I'm crying writing this.

AIBU to split up with my lovely BF because I can't give him what he needs?

Justbookedasummmerholiday Sat 11-Nov-17 21:07:12

I would seek professional to help you with closure. It would be a shame to lose such a great catch.
I also met Mr Wonderful after an awful marriage (not cheating but deceit) and it was hard to trust it was going to work.
We have been together 5 years and are married with a toddler.
Try and have faith in yourself and relax.

Shouldileavethedogs Sat 11-Nov-17 21:11:05

He's not the one if you're having doubts. Call it a day if you're hurting him or just have some fun if you're not.

cunningartificer Sat 11-Nov-17 21:16:31

Don't let fear stop you. Your ex clearly damaged your confidence. Don't let him damage your future as well! Talk to dp about your fears and your past. Go forward, not back.

AprilFall Sat 11-Nov-17 21:19:16


I really think he is. It's my own head messing everything up. I don't feel like myself.

The thought of losing him makes me feel sick, I am devastated I am even considering it.

I don't want anyone else, i just want to sit with him all the time and forget my own mind

tellmehowtoget Sat 11-Nov-17 21:21:40

I was in an awful LTR of 6 years (it had its good moments occasionally) and was single for less than a week before meeting my now husband. I was paranoid for a long long time that it was going to go wrong, or I was waiting for him to treat me badly like my ex did.
I still have nightmares now about my ex breaking into our house and hurting us (he was violent and had bipolar and was very unpredictable, had been to prison for criminal damage etc)
But essentially it all worked out. My husband is the best man I've even known (alongside my dad). Would be a shame to throw that away.

wasMissD Sat 11-Nov-17 21:29:50

I was in a similar situation. My ex was a horrible, controlling, mentally abusive tool. I went out with my now husband 6 weeks after the ex and I broke up.
When we started dating, I still seemed to tread on eggshells with DP, although there was absolutely no reason to (still isn't 7 years later).
It took a while for me to realise that not every man is cut from the same nasty cloth. And in the long term, I think it makes you appreciate the good guys more smile
Would be a shame to end such a happy relationship for your past hurt. Good luck

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