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To have left feeling quite upset?

(81 Posts)
Mumsiemummy1 Sat 11-Nov-17 17:15:40

Today we have spent the afternoon at the in laws. I was quite looking forward to it, even though generally mil and I don't have the closest relationship, but it's nice to take DD and usually fine.

Today I have left feeling quite upset. Alot of the behaviour isn't untypical of them, but it seems to have touched a nerve today.

DD for some reason has been very clingy with dh for the last few days. It's very sweet and causes no issue between dh and I, however all afternoon today I have been made to feel utterly worthless by mil and gmil who have spent the entire afternoon talking and commenting on how she only wants dh. Even when DD reached for me, she would either be pulled from my arms, or it would be followed by "oh look she want the remote", or some other inanimate object close by rather than her wanting her mum.

When dh left the room, DD would be antagonised by both commenting on "where's daddy" etc which would have DD wriggling in my arms, to which she would then be pulled away.

I actually ended up having a little cry in the toilet as it was breaking my heart a little. There was no social awareness that it might be nice to follow it with some kind of acknowledgement of my existence.

On top of this, I have today for the millionth time had to defend my business to mil and gmil who constantly make comments like "oh so it's still busy", "oh I thought it would be around anymore". I have worked for 5 years building my business that emplys 3 fulltime members of staff and is on track for it's best year yet. Admittedly it is an industry they know little about, but it's rude and hurtful to keep assuming it's a day away from closure just because they don't take the time to understand it.

I was also called fat by both mil and gmil, who like to comment on my size as I am 20 weeks pregnant. My dd is only 9 months old so I am a little sensitive about my weight, as didn't have alot of time to recover from DD, but as two women, surely there should be more social awareness about making these kind of comments to any woman.

I feel really low and insecure now I'm home. Would you feel the same? Am I over reacting?

Elllicam Sat 11-Nov-17 17:20:53

What does your DH say? I don’t think you are overreacting I would be pissed off too.

TheQueenOfWands Sat 11-Nov-17 17:21:18

I'd stop going.

Fuck that!

TheNoseyProject Sat 11-Nov-17 17:22:58

Yep they are horrible! What does your DH say or do they only say it when he’s not there?

FadedRed Sat 11-Nov-17 17:26:09

What was you DH response when these women were being so rude to you? Or did they wait until he wasn't around?
I'd be limiting my time with them, if I were you.
The MN Classic "Did you mean to sounds so rude?" seems a fitting response.

Mrskeats Sat 11-Nov-17 17:26:14

Seriously why go? I really don't get this trying to keep the peace business. They sound awful.

Mumsiemummy1 Sat 11-Nov-17 17:26:42

Some of the comments were made out of earshot to dh, the fat comment for example. All the clingy comments and I business comments were made in front of him. He sympathises with me and understands why I'm hurt, but these type of comments have been going on our whole relationship so nothing is ever said to address them really.

Mrskeats Sat 11-Nov-17 17:30:07

Oh and well done on building your business-half of this is probably jealousy.

MrsZB Sat 11-Nov-17 17:30:36

Fucking hell. I would never visit again! Why would you!?

Calatonia Sat 11-Nov-17 17:31:30

flowers flowers flowers

How very unpleasant for you... what on earth were these women thinking? If they want contact with your children they need to start behaving rather better towards their mother.
As regards their deliberate putting down of your business, I can only presume that they didn't have careers of their own.

Perhaps you could stay away from them for a while... make a point of turning down the next invitation and if they ask why they haven't seen you then tell them that they made you feel uncomfortable.
Or perhaps you could ask your husband to have a word on your behalf.

Booboostwo Sat 11-Nov-17 17:35:14

You have your own, successful business, a 9 month old and you are pregnant? You are my hero.

Fuck your DH's relatives. Tell him you won't be going over anymore and they can see him and your DD as and when it suits your family.

CoraPirbright Sat 11-Nov-17 17:41:18

Good grief! They sound absolutely awful. I really wouldn’t be going back in a hurry and I would want to know why your dh thinks its just fine and dandy for the mother of his children to be treated in this way. Ignorant bitches!! I am angry on your behalf.

Topseyt Sat 11-Nov-17 17:44:02

Stop going. They are not worth the aggro.

They done snide and not very nice.

Woollycardi Sat 11-Nov-17 17:45:05

They sound extremely ignorant but I just wanted to say one thing that I have learnt this year. No one can make us feel worthless, we choose how we react to what other people say or do. Either continue seeing them or don't, but don't give them or anyone else power in dictating your emotions.
Sounds like your life is going well so just keep plodding on and don't worry about other people like this. I wish I had a business as successful as yours!

Justbookedasummmerholiday Sat 11-Nov-17 17:45:37

So from now on visits to the ils are dh and dd but not for you! Use the time to do something for just you. Best thing I ever did was bow out of il visiting!!
And when the baby arrives continue to stay home . Let them come to you when there are 2 dc. Leave them to dh to entertain. And tell him he has your back or they aren't welcome.

Maelstrop Sat 11-Nov-17 17:45:37

Why isn't he immediately bollocking them for their sheer fucking rudeness? If he's not backing you up and you're not saying anything e.g. Stop antagonising dd, Of course my business is going well, I'm good at what I do, I'm not fat, I'm pregnant, you dumb bitches, then they will continue to be rude because no-one is challenging them. Get dh on board and present a united front.

RainbowsAndCrystals Sat 11-Nov-17 17:46:45

I'm confused ... you say you were looking forward to going but the comments they made to you today seem fairly typical of them?

Fishface77 Sat 11-Nov-17 17:47:46

Fuck that shit!
I wouldn't go or I would pull them up EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Next time every time they comment, remark to your daughter and this is how we don't behave darling we have manners and respect.

disappearingninepatch Sat 11-Nov-17 17:47:59

Don't you hate it when you read a thread waiting to put your comment and then right at the end, someone says what you want to say?

You have your own, successful business, a 9 month old and you are pregnant?

Why would you be feeling bad about yourself? You're a bloody superhero!

Fishface77 Sat 11-Nov-17 17:48:57

And if they comment on your weight say ooh it's good we can discuss that cus you are both looking porky!
As for the saying where's daddy etc say it's funny how we've come to visit you but she's not that bothered isn't it?

custardlover Sat 11-Nov-17 17:49:36

They sound absolutely horrible and you have every right to feel upset and to tell them off / not see them again. I would also be hurt - you are not being precious. Honestly, feel sorry for them - they either have no emotional intelligence or are quite stupid and mean.

Mumsiemummy1 Sat 11-Nov-17 17:49:47

Dh and I have been together since we were 19, where at the time.much of these comments were more common although over different issues. We were both too young and not mature enough to tackle things head on, and therefore this has set the premise for how such comments are handled.

Dh fully supports me, he is a wonderful husband, but mil can be very passive aggressive, everything said with a smile, everything was "just a joke", never takes responsibility for anything, so I think he gave up a long time ago.

Wickedstepmum67 Sat 11-Nov-17 17:50:14

Poor you! 🌺 I'm afraid my sarcasm muscles would not have been able to withstand the strain and I'd have said something I'd possibly regret later. Don't give 'em any more energy.

SemperTemper Sat 11-Nov-17 17:50:28

All of the above.

And stop them from pulling DD off you. My MIL tried to do that to me. I gave her some stern words.

I'm sorry, they sound like utter shits.

Billben Sat 11-Nov-17 17:52:05

What a pair of bitches

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