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To have expected a response by now

(184 Posts)

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Dancingfairy Sat 11-Nov-17 10:21:41

I was in a store shopping with my dd who has asd. As we were near the checkouts she had a melt down over something and knocked some gift cards off the shelf displayed by the till. I tried I help encourage her to pick them up but she wouldn't so I asked my son to help. As he was picking them up dd knocked some more onto the floor. At this point I was trying to hold her to stop her knocking any more off and decided it would be best to remove her from the shop before she does anything else. (She did not damage anything or break anything) I fully accept I could have picked them all up but at that moment the best thing seemed to be to remove her from the shop. As I was walking out and got outside I was chased by a security guard who was shouting at us. I was very shocked couldn't actually believe it. I tried to explain to him she has asd but he was having none of it and told me we were banned from the shop! I found this really extreme and it was also distressing for my dd who I removed from the shop to calm down so made her worse. I have since complained to the shop (this happened on the 30th of October) and have not received any response at all. I've chased it up 4 times and always get told the same thing, someone will contact me but it never happens. I feel it's very extreme to be banned from a shop over this and have never been banned from anywhere in my life. What more can I do as they won't respond to my complaint.

mamahanji Sat 11-Nov-17 10:40:58

I don’t know what else you can do if they won’t reply, but I think you did the right thing. It’s not like she smashed 80 champagne glasses and you just waltzed out!

I would possibly email again or phone head office and explain what happened and just say how disgusted you are by the response to your explanations of you daughters behaviour.

Poshindevon Sat 11-Nov-17 10:42:37

This must be very upsetting for you OP.
I would be tempted to go alone to the shop and ask to see the manager. If that fails then write to the head office "signed for" so you know its been received. Shops can ban people and are not bound to respond.

PumpkinPicking841 Sat 11-Nov-17 10:45:29

What shop is this? I would find an email address for head office and email them. Or if you can't find a head office email, I would send it to a different dependent in the hope that they will pass it on to head office.

PumpkinPicking841 Sat 11-Nov-17 10:45:52

Department*

WhoWants2Know Sat 11-Nov-17 10:51:12

That’s appalling!

Your child has a disability, and you did the best you could to deal with the situation.

If a person in a wheelchair knocks over a display, are they banned?

Accidents happen, and if anything he should have checked that you were ok and offered to assist.

Personally, I would be inclined to query it on a public forum (Twitter/Facebook) to force a response.

MamaOfTwos Sat 11-Nov-17 11:02:27

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Dancingfairy Sat 11-Nov-17 11:04:39

It wasn't today it was the 30th of October. It isn't an excuse but it was the reason. Either way banning is extreme surely? And I would have cleaned it had I been able to restrain her (she was having a melt down as I said) and pick up the cards at the same time.

allegretto Sat 11-Nov-17 11:04:52

But she couldn't pick them up AND remove dd from the shop could she?

MsGameandWatching Sat 11-Nov-17 11:06:54

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Mu51cal Sat 11-Nov-17 11:08:57

@MamaOfTwos Do you actually have any comprehension of what having a child with ASD is actually like? It's judgy, ignorant comments like that that I'm sure the OP could really do without confused

MsGameandWatching Sat 11-Nov-17 11:10:09

My child has autism too, when she goes off she sometimes attacks me full on. Unfortunately not being an octopus, I wouldn’t be able to juggle a few gift cards at the same time as protecting those around me, my daughter and myself.

MamaOfTwos Sat 11-Nov-17 11:11:30

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redexpat Sat 11-Nov-17 11:11:40

Well having worked in retail theres lots of people who make mess in the shop, and the majority are not children and certainly not ones with disabilities. Clearing up mess left by shoppers is part of the job so thats why they have to do it.

redexpat Sat 11-Nov-17 11:14:11

it's not a free pass for children to behave appallingly and not have consequences.

Children with the disabilities you name cannot necessarily control their behaviour. If it was that easy or simple then they wouldnt be called disabilities.

Booboobooboo84 Sat 11-Nov-17 11:14:55

I think your aren’t being unreasonable to have expected a response by now.

You made the best choice for you and your child to remove them from the situation.

Was your other child old enough and trustworthy enough to stay and tidy up. If not then there was nothing else you could do.

The security guard was wrong to be rude. But on the one hand I’m not sure they were unreasonable to ban you, as a business they have to protect their stock. But on the other hand I’m appalled that no member of staff stepped in to help you tidy up and say it was fine and to just take care of your daughter.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sat 11-Nov-17 11:15:55

Go to the local press and make a show of the disablist fuckers. Big brave security guard. If you'd have been a six foot tall 6foot wide body builder shop lifting. He'd have conveniently "not noticed".

Oh and don't bother going back in there, when they humbly back down. They don't deserve your custom.

Dancingfairy Sat 11-Nov-17 11:16:03

I asked her to pick them up when she first done it she refused. Which is when I asked my son to help her incase you can't read. What set her off is irrelevant as anything sets her off. I'm asking if as a large chain store I should have received a response to a complaint by now.

MsGameandWatching Sat 11-Nov-17 11:16:50

mama if a blind person or a person with limited ability to move physically knocked over a few gift cards would you expect them to pick them up so that the able bodied retail staff didn’t have to?

mamahanji Sat 11-Nov-17 11:17:46

This is brilliant. There’s always one eejit that asks ‘why wasn’t the child with asd and having a meltdown MADE to pick up the mess’

You don’t ‘appreciate’ anything mamaoftwo. A child with asd is not the same as a child who is misbehaving. This is a child having a sensory meltdown, not the same as little Timmy exploring boundaries and asserting independence.

I’m sure you’re one of the people that believe these are just token diagnosis’ to explain lax parenting and sugared up children.

Dancingfairy Sat 11-Nov-17 11:17:53

My other child is 5 and younger than dd.

unknownuser22 Sat 11-Nov-17 11:18:47

I would out them on social media!
You’ve been polite and gone through the right channels! Can you try head office ?
Being banned is just a kick in the teeth and going backwards in awareness.
I think it’s an appalling attitude to have.
Good luck op I hope you get it resolved!

ArbitraryName Sat 11-Nov-17 11:19:58

I don’t think the equalities act would agree that it’s reasonble to ban a child with ASD or their family on the basis of behaviours caused by their disability.

VodkaRevelation Sat 11-Nov-17 11:20:14

mamaof2s, have some empathy.

You did the best you could in a difficult situation, OP. Your priority has to be your DD. The shop are being unreasonable and showing a massive lack of understanding.

It's really disappoining that a member of staff or the public couldn't just have spotted you needed help and offered.

weebarra Sat 11-Nov-17 11:21:03

These conditions are called disabilities for a reason. It’s like asking a wheelchair user to get up and walk for a bit.

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