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MIL and 1st Birthday Cake

(142 Posts)
FakeCakeWars Sat 11-Nov-17 09:34:39

Quick straw poll: if you really like baking cakes and you'd spoken to your MIL about looking forward to making a particular cake for your child's birthday, would you be upset if she then made your child's 1st birthday cake without asking you first? Or would you think she was just trying to do something/ nice helpful?

TheQueenOfWands Sat 11-Nov-17 09:37:17

I'd think she was being a giant PITA and deliberately trying to take over/steal your thunder.

If you hated baking and were dreading it THEN she'd be being helpful.

As it is, she's just a douchebag.

MrsSiba Sat 11-Nov-17 09:37:58

Yes. She's got in first. Not cool esp as this is a special birthday.

Never tell her your plans again.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Sat 11-Nov-17 09:38:36

She is trying to steal your thunder obviously.
Depending when the birthday is /when you see mil /party? Let mil give her the one she made near the day and yours on the day!!

Sunshineface123 Sat 11-Nov-17 09:39:14

I’d expect to be asked first...did she just turn up with it? In which case I’d probably say oh lovely now we‘ve got two(but would only do candles etc on my own cake)...or if she mentioned it I’d firmly say no need I’m making one thank you anyway.

Angrybird345 Sat 11-Nov-17 09:39:41

Make sure hers is the secondary cake. Simple. Don’t accept crap now or you’ll make a rod for your own back!

FakeCakeWars Sat 11-Nov-17 09:40:29

Unfortunately we will be seeing them on the day at their house so her cake will be the cake. DH doesn't see a problem with this and thinks it the same as wanting to give a gift etc...

CoffeeWithMyOxygen Sat 11-Nov-17 09:40:29

If I’d told her I was baking one and she tried to get in first then I’d just go ahead and bake one anyway. If she complained I’d point out that I’d told her how much I was looking forward to it so she knew there was already a cake.

MrsSiba Sat 11-Nov-17 09:40:45

But make sure your child gets the cake you made first. It's time to show your MIL you will not stand for her trying to take over or you will have this issue every year.

timeisnotaline Sat 11-Nov-17 09:40:46

I love baking. I'd happily serve a second cake but would not even cross my mind to use mils cake as the birthday cake. If it was just a cake I'd be cheerful enough 'extra cake is always welcome thank you!' But if it had the candles etc I'd say you must have been confused, I'm making his birthday cake. I'm sorry you went to the effort but we are using mine.

BarbarianMum Sat 11-Nov-17 09:41:10

I'd thank her for the cake, put it aside, then go right ahead and bake my child's birthday cake myself. Neither nice nor helpful so no need to act like it was.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Sat 11-Nov-17 09:41:24

Maybe suggest using hers for a cake smash (or whatever it's called!!) Use your for family photos!!

Pengggwn Sat 11-Nov-17 09:41:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pomadas87 Sat 11-Nov-17 09:41:25

Id be very upset! Especially if you've already had the conversation about how much you're looking forward to making it... so basically she acknowledged this and then went ahead and made a cake anyway? That is pretty controlling and weird!

I'd still make mine and it would be the main party cake - tell her no need to bring hers as you've already planned it and as discussed it is important to me that I make it

FakeCakeWars Sat 11-Nov-17 09:41:55

Basically DH thinks I'm silly for being upset.

acornsandnuts Sat 11-Nov-17 09:42:14

Nip it in the bud. She has had 1st birthdays with her own children.

It astonishes me who these women are. How do they not have a tiny amount of sense is beyond me.

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 Sat 11-Nov-17 09:42:19

I would be cross! Even if she was trying to be kind she should have asked first. I’m generally quite laid back about these things but having spent all day yesterday making him a special cake for my DS first birthday party today I would be really upset (though I would serve my cake anyway and put hers to one side “for later”).

Fishface77 Sat 11-Nov-17 09:43:40

I would tell her to put the cake away or she wouldn't see my child at all on the day.
But if an over reaction but my aim would be to nip it In the bud now so she wouldn't try a shitty trick like that again.

acornsandnuts Sat 11-Nov-17 09:43:46

Just to add my MIL arranged for our Wedding cake made without my knowledge. Barking!

Fishface77 Sat 11-Nov-17 09:44:50

For your DH, use something he would be particularly bothered about as an example.
Wait till she turns up with the advent calendar and sticking and tries to get in with the Santa visit first.

BarbarianMum Sat 11-Nov-17 09:45:05

Is your dh telling you "not to be upset and go ahead and bake your own", or "not to be upset and to use MiLs so as not to upset her " ?
Second would ring BIG alarm bells.

RaeSkywalker Sat 11-Nov-17 09:45:18

Just make your own OP.

FakeCakeWars Sat 11-Nov-17 09:46:00

We are going to her house on the actual birthday (arranged by DH and the PIL) so unfortunately I won't be able to put it away etc. I'm mostly upset by DH not getting it. He understands that I'm upset but not why. He thinks it's a nice thing for her to do. And that I'm being weird/ controlling/ not sharing nice things to do with the children with the GPs. He would be cross if I spoke to his mother about it as doesn't see the need for conflict. I honestly thought maybe I was BU.

AnneBiscuit Sat 11-Nov-17 09:46:51

Yep she's definitely in the wrong. If you don't feel able to take your cake to her house (I know how hard it is when you don't have the support from your husband) could you have your cake at home first and tell her you've already done the cake, candle and happy birthday singing. Let her know that hers is the second cake.

FakeCakeWars Sat 11-Nov-17 09:47:43

barbarian his attitude is I can make a cake too and he can have more than 1 cake. More cake = good for him.

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