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To visit family but not stay in their house?

(47 Posts)
TiredMumToTwo Sat 11-Nov-17 08:15:44

We go to visit PILs every year around Christmas for three or four days, they live four hours away so don’t see them very often.

They live by the beach and in the countryside so we spend a lot of time outdoors, on walks etc.

We have two dogs who are not welcome at the PIL’s as FIL is a complete neat freak & actually follows people round the house with a mini hoover as he’s so anal.

Every time we go there, I resent having to leave the dogs as they’d love the beach, long walks etc but I’ve sucked it up for the last three years.

This year, DH and I are going away together before we go to PIL’s so dogs would have to be with dog walker or in kennels for a week and a half in total.

AIBU to want to book a small cottage near by which is dog friendly so that we can take the pooches but not inconvenience PIL with them in his house? DH thinks PIL’s will be offended we don’t want to stay in their house?

Daddystepdaddy Sat 11-Nov-17 08:20:44

Yanbu just be honest and say you want to bring the dogs this time so will stay somewhere else.

Kochicoo Sat 11-Nov-17 08:23:34

I would have thought your PILs would be delighted.

AtSea1979 Sat 11-Nov-17 08:26:02

YABU you can take your dogs on a walking holiday any time. You are going to visit you PILs, they won't want your dogs coming on walks with them either. If you don't want to see your PILs as much then don't go.

ThomasRichard Sat 11-Nov-17 08:26:33

YANBU, much easier for everyone.

Jakadaal Sat 11-Nov-17 08:27:27

I always stay in a hotel when I visit PILs. I love them dearly but appreciate my own space with my dcs.

When PILs come here for Christmas they similarly stay in a serviced apartment about 1 mile away.

It means we can enjoy each other’s company rather than being on top of each other 24/7. We each have our own space (and bathrooms!) which works for us

CrabappleCake Sat 11-Nov-17 08:29:55

We kind of have this the other way round.

I do that if I visit my sister with my Dh as he's a bit allergic to dogs so we stay in a B and B round the corner, saves my sister having to vacuum within an inch of her life and generally less stressful.

I don't think it's s problem.

MimsyBorogroves Sat 11-Nov-17 08:31:40

I wouldn’t want to stay in peoples’ houses anyway. Hotel/cottage all the way. Own space is very important to me.

LtGreggs Sat 11-Nov-17 08:33:01

Do you have children? Let the kids stay with PIL while you stay nearby (assuming this would be regarded as a treat for all parties concerned...)

ShatnersBassoon Sat 11-Nov-17 08:36:07

This is what they're hoping for. Honestly. Nobody loves having guests for 3 or 4 nights.

wonkylegs Sat 11-Nov-17 08:41:04

When we go to visit my dad as a whole family we stay in a hotel down the road as DH is severely allergic to animals and dad has a cat. When my DB comes to stay he is welcome but his dog cannot stay at ours so if they bring it they need to stay elsewhere which is fine with us (although his partner thinks we are unreasonable in saying this despite the fact my husband would not be able to breathe with the dog in the house)

TiredMumToTwo Sat 11-Nov-17 08:42:10

AtSea - actually we can’t go on walking holidays whenever we want as we have three kids and are both self employed so it is valuable leave that I’m using to visit my PILs.

LtGreg’s - that was my plan as long as everyone is up for it, kids can stay with us if anyone wasn’t happy.

I do worry that my PILs think I’m a bit aloof anyway, I enjoy my own space and tend to suggest one afternoon whilst we’re there that either I or my & DH go off for a couple of hours & MIL asked if I was ok or is it just the way I am?!

I do think they pride themselves on being good hosts which is why I don’t want to offend them but it does grate when we’re on the beach surrounded by other dogs having fun & I know mine are locked up in a kennel somewhere.

fc301 Sat 11-Nov-17 08:42:20

I would def do it. Gives everybody space. And if they piss you off with their roaming hoover you can invent some bullshit reason for popping back to the cottage for a bit.
I would never EVER stay in my parents house. It’s asking for trouble.

blueskyinmarch Sat 11-Nov-17 08:42:49

That sounds like a perfect solution. Why would your PIL be offended?

mindutopia Sat 11-Nov-17 08:51:35

I think that sounds like a perfect solution. I can't see why they would be offended. I would never allow someone to bring their dogs to my house. But I would be glad to have them for a visit, if they stayed elsewhere and left the dogs there. Sounds like a good compromise to me and there's no reason not to bring it up.

Only1scoop Sat 11-Nov-17 08:54:27

Great solution

Pil will be <secretly> delighted

Crumbs1 Sat 11-Nov-17 09:06:13

We’ve booked separate accommodation for years when we visit the in laws. Very few people want six children descending on them overnight, so it was easier for all to rent somewhere nearby for a few nights. That way we all enjoyed it. They came across to us for meals, we ate out, we went to park, Christmas market or museums etc, We go to theirs briefly as there isn’t much room.
Now the children are older (as we all are) it still works better. They are in 80s and don’t want hassle or expense of entertaining. We do meals out, they come to our rented place, we play bridge but it allows them to go home when they’re tired.

hooliodancer Sat 11-Nov-17 09:13:18

We always used to do this when we visited my parents. It is a great solution.

Just be honest with them. Say that you will have the dogs with you this time, so you are staying in a cottage so they don't have to put up with them.

What will you do with the dogs when you go to their house though? Most cottages state you can't leave digs unattended. In practice this can't be policed of course.

hooliodancer Sat 11-Nov-17 09:14:10

Dogs unattended, not digs.

KC225 Sat 11-Nov-17 09:16:45

I think it's a great idea. No matter how much you love them, guests are like fish 'after three days they are on the turn'

pastabakewithcheese Sat 11-Nov-17 09:19:32

Where will the dogs be when you’re round their house for dinner? If they’re not allowed in the house?

ClashCityRocker Sat 11-Nov-17 09:26:43

It sounds great and Yanbu.

Only problem is if the parents in law want you around the house for any length of time what would you do with the dogs?

Mind you, you could maybe hire a dog sitter for the cottage for a day, perhaps.

Oddmanout Sat 11-Nov-17 09:27:16

YANBU at all - sounds like your FIL will be happy about it anyway! I wouldn't want to leave my dog behind in those circumstances either, they'd love the beach and countryside.

LoniceraJaponica Sat 11-Nov-17 09:43:29

Sounds like the best solution. However, you might struggle to find somewhere this late in the day.

lljkk Sat 11-Nov-17 12:27:26

I stay in separate digs, walking distance away, when I visit my parents, now, they can't cope with my kids being messy in their home. My folks are relieved, not offended.

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