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AIBU to say something or should I let it go?

(76 Posts)
FilthyforFirth Sat 11-Nov-17 07:22:25

Fully prepared to be told I am being ridiculous or petty, but everytime I read a hen do thread (which I lovs - so entertaining) I am reminded of my own severly shit one and it makes me so sad.

I have never said anything to my bridesmaids about it, but wondering if I should to try and move on? To be perfectly honest I am dreading them getting married and having to either be a BM for them or attend a really fun hen do. I know, I sound very bitter...

So it was in early 2016. When I got engaged I told my MOH a few ideas. I basically said I didnt like all the tacky stuff (think no penis straws or nightclub with sticky carpet) and they seem to have assumed this meant I didnt want it to be fun.

I am a drinker so was definitely looking forward to getting drunk. What happened was my MOH, who is lovely, arranged for several activities to happen on the Saturday and allowed peopld to pick and chose which bits they attended. So all day I had people coming in and out, which made me feel a bit shit to be honest.

We marched from one activity to the next, often getting lost. There was minimal alcohol which really upset me and the evening ended with seeing a west end show I wanted to see and then going home.

WTF? At 1030 my hen do was over. 3 of the BM came back to my house with the promise of drinking there but I honestly didnt see the point. We chatted for a bit and then went to bed and I basically cried myself to sleep.

The next day was Mothers day so turnout was very low as you'd expect and the ones who were there just desperately wanted to get that activity over with so they could go.

That was my hen do. I didnt want to make people pay to go abroad, even though I really wanted to, and I kept it local to everyone to try and keep costs down.

Thw two things I said I really wanted to do, we didnt (afternoon tea on the Sunday so older relatives could attend and to drink and dance in a bar).

AIBU to say something now? I just feel so sad and pissed off I will never have another one...

Bruceishavingfish Sat 11-Nov-17 07:28:03

Tbh i would let it go.

I like to drink as much as the next person but you seem mainly upset that you didnt get hammered. Even though you could have but just didnt see 'the point'.

I get that you didnt get what you envisioned. But a ehole weekend of activities was never going to have everyone there all weekend. Especially over mothers day.

It is really just a party. Try and keep it in proportion.

LindyHemming Sat 11-Nov-17 07:29:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrSnrubYesThatsIt Sat 11-Nov-17 07:30:22

Its too late. Let it go.

FilthyforFirth Sat 11-Nov-17 07:33:17

Thanks. I am upset at the lack of alcohol but actually it is more how disjointed the day was and how I felt that the two things I had really wanted were ignored.

I didnt see the point in the 4 of us having a drink at home as that wasnt really the point. I wanted to go dancing and be out with a group of people. It just felt very odd to be sitting in my house with 3 other people having a drink at 11 on a Sat night.

Surely the whole point of hen dos are to go out?

This probably sounds defensive and I dont mean it to be, thanks for your perspective.

FilthyforFirth Sat 11-Nov-17 07:36:52

I think its a bit off to suggest that being upset by the lack of drinking means I am not upset by other more serious things or think they are comprable hmm.

But the consensus is I should just let it go, which deep down I probably knew as I haven't said anything after all this time.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Sat 11-Nov-17 07:40:29

Of course you should let it go. It's sounds like loads of great, thoughtful activities were planned. You just didn't end up shitfaced.

Also, maybe you're a nightmare when you're drunk so they tried to keep that down?

nightshade Sat 11-Nov-17 07:42:26

Feck if you get that upset over a hen do that doesn't meet your expectations then marriage is going to be a real bummer!

WipsGlitter Sat 11-Nov-17 07:45:20

Let it go. Hen dos are shite anyway.

TakeMe2Insanity Sat 11-Nov-17 07:46:02

Seriously let it go.

If it bothers you that much create an ideal hen do and organise it as a party.

schoolgaterebel Sat 11-Nov-17 07:46:34

You need to let it go.

She may have got it completely wrong but she obviously did try her best and put in a lot of effort with the organising.

RedBullBlood Sat 11-Nov-17 07:49:57

This happened nearly two years ago? Best forgotten

Ktown Sat 11-Nov-17 07:50:02

Perhaps no one else wanted to get hammered?
Get hammered another day.
The number of complaints I hear and read about hen parties implies that no one seems to like them anymore. Probably since they became more complicated and expensive than some weddings.

Dragongirl10 Sat 11-Nov-17 07:50:16

ermm a West End Show is a night out....l find it sad you main aim is to get drunk!

LavenderDoll Sat 11-Nov-17 07:51:26

Let it go.
Mine was awful truly awful but these things happen. No way would I fester on it

OccasionalNachos Sat 11-Nov-17 07:54:05

Why did you go home, though, if you wanted to stay out? Did everyone else want to go home too?

MaisyPops Sat 11-Nov-17 07:54:46

Let it go.

If someone said to me i don't want all the tacky nightclubs, penis straws etc then I would have taken that as 'i don't want a cheesy hen night out'. Especially when you refered to it as being tacky. If i was a MOH i wouldn't go anywhere near anytging the bride described as tacky.
If you wanted to go out then you should have said 'i really want to go out and get horrifyingly drunk but i want to get shitfaced in a classy environment' even though there's nothing classy about being totally off your face drunk

It sounds like you've ended up with a weekend hen (which you wanted as you mention wanting things on a saturday abd wanting tea on sunday) but it was planned over mother's day so you're annoyed people weren't there for all of it. Maybe it was the only weekend people could be there for PART of it.

Then you excuse how you feel because you didn't ask thrm to go abroad for a week! Tjat's not something people should be grateful for. People who do that are saying 'me and my wedding is so important you should use you holiday time abd money on me'. In terms if cost, UK hen weekends still add up too.
Now you're saying you're dreading them getting married which is ridiculous.

You need to get over it. You've bought into this increasingly common image of hen weekends and lots if people making a massive fuss over you and then have got disappointed.

Ilovelampandchair Sat 11-Nov-17 07:55:12

Gosh it sounds like they arranged a lot of stuff for you but the style of the day just didn't work out. Try to focus on what matters. You had people who cared enough to arrange multiple activities. And people who came to each one (and probably loved the fact they didn't have to do a whole day and night of it) so cared enough to show up. Your 3 besties went back to spend time with you after the show but it sounds like you were just too upset to take advantage of spending nice time with them then. That's on your head a bit.

Do let it go. People tried and people showed up. It sounds like a mistake in realising the day would end up disjointed.

ThePinkOcelot Sat 11-Nov-17 07:57:29

Sounds to me like your MOH went to a lot of trouble arranging nice things for you to do. I think she would be upset to hear what you really thought of her efforts.
Get over yourself!

Caulk Sat 11-Nov-17 07:58:12

What would be achieved by bringing it up with them now?

Is it that you need them to apologise or you need to explain what you wanted?

AdalindSchade Sat 11-Nov-17 07:58:47

So there was a selection of thoughtfully planned actives over 2 days including a west end show and you feel your mates have let you down?
Sometimes highly planned events aren't as fun as they are hoped to be. That's a fact of life. I can't believe you're still pissed off 18 months later!!

doobeydoo Sat 11-Nov-17 08:00:20

Absolutely let it go, it is more than a year ago and presumably everyoone sees it as water under the bridge. Sorry but you sound spoilt and needy, especially as your friends clearly put a lot of effort into organising a range of things.

user1471517900 Sat 11-Nov-17 08:00:41

After the show why didn't you say "lets go out now"

Allthewaves Sat 11-Nov-17 08:04:57

Sorry yabu. You told them you didn't want a traditional hen, yet you wanted a traditional hen of getting pissed and going out on the town. Your own fault. You could have easily gone out after the show or had drinks at home. Probably they couldn't even get booked for afternoon tea on mother's day. This is why brides should plan their own hen.

Belleoftheball8 Sat 11-Nov-17 08:11:33

You sound like hard work your friends worked hard to plan your hen you could have done it yourself. You come across quite ungrateful

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