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my child IS special

(91 Posts)
Prusik Sat 11-Nov-17 04:57:32

It's nearly 5am and I can't bloody sleep as DS woke me and I'm feeling too poorly to settle back down so thought I'd try to come up with a goady title. That's the best I've got, sorry grin

Not really a TAAT but I'm just musing.

Time and time again on MN, you hear posters being ripped apart for thinking their kid has a talent, eg reading early, or the sneering at a parent being PFB with their child.

I think DS is amazing. His development is fascinating and I love watching him grow. But every kid is fascinating. Texts from a friend saying their kid has just said "cow" for the first time is lovely. Their baby is aquiring language. What is more exciting than that?

DS has just learned to clap. It's incredible. Yes, just as incredible as any other baby that learns to clap but still...

I guess I'm just feeling the awe at these little babies learning to do things we take for granted. Not just my baby, but all of my friends babies too.

feel free to fill this thread with dull yet amazing little achievements your child has made! Or rip me to pieces. I'm slightly to sleep deprived to care grin

LRL2017 Sat 11-Nov-17 05:01:18

I am with you on this. Our first baby is now
Nearly 10 weeks old and amazes us every day with how she is changing and starting to do things. Just her smiling more and more. Also yesterday in her play gym managing to hit and kick her toys makes me so proud! Just need to stop getting so emotional with every new thing she achieves!

Coldhandscoldheart Sat 11-Nov-17 05:03:44

No, you’re absolutely right! I think maybe the difference is you’re recognising that they’re all special, not that yours is special to the exclusion or detriment of everyone else’s. I think that’s perhaps where pfb becomes a problem.

My oldest is just starting to put words together. She’s also just started the really random tantrums. we’ve had tantrums for ages but now they’re of the ‘peas exist and I like them but also you’ve put them on my plate for me to eat and nooooo!’ Variety. So far it’s funny....

claraschu Sat 11-Nov-17 05:15:30

The thing is that everyone does think their own child is more special and amazing than anyone else's. That is how we have evolved in order to put in the time and effort required to bring up a human baby.

If we are decent people we know how to also love and be interested in other people's kids, and how to not brag and not expect any kind of preferential treatment for out little miracles. We are aware that everyone is in love with their own child, and that is how it should be!

I am not bothered by observing this; it is often amusing, often quite sweet, sometimes moving, and only very occasionally annoying.

I remember once looking around a small group of mums and toddlers, and there was a moment when I could see that each parent was kind of feeling a bit sorry for the other parents because each saw that her own child was just the most beautiful/ brilliant/ special/ funny/ cute baby in the room. It was lovely.

UnbornMortificado Sat 11-Nov-17 05:25:37

Agree, I still cry watching DD1's first steps (she is 12)

My DS has just passed a sleep study. We start weaning his oxygen tomorrow. I can't wait for him to look like a "normal" wireless baby. I can carry him round the house without hoisting a massive canister with us.

SerendipityFelix Sat 11-Nov-17 05:36:18

I’m not a parent, but when hanging out with my friends who are - and their offspring obvs - I do find babies/toddlers quite fascinating, in a nature documentary kind of way. Watching them discover and learn can be entertainment in itself. I spent the weekend with a very good friend and her 1 year old recently, and it is remarkable seeing behavioural theory in action grin (I do have some professional insight in the field!). And quite right, not just all children - all people are special in our own unique ways, and celebrating that should not be a shameful thing. It’s when some parents essentially denigrate other children in order to glorify their own - even if that’s not their intention - that people justifiably object. Sharing your pride at your sproglet’s new personal achievement is just love really isn’t it, that’s no bad thing.

Henrysmycat Sat 11-Nov-17 05:38:45

I grew up with a genius. A true proper genius, none of that “child genius” kids you see on tv. A child that at the age of 5 understood complex chemistry. Someone who at 7yo did my year 8 algebra as I struggled to get the concept. Think of Stephen Hawkins crossed with Dr House as he’s involved in medicine.
His mother always downplayed his achievements to avoid questions or “behave like a show off”. While the aforementioned genius is now a celebrated academic with a stellar career he has confidence issues.
I promised myself that, if I even had an exceptional child or not, I’d celebrate it very step of the way. I’d rather be a Focker grin.

Bowerbird5 Sat 11-Nov-17 05:49:54

I agree celebrate their achievements.

My eldest had a significant birthday recently on the 6 th Oct he should have been born on the 5 th. Due a incompetent doctor he nearly didn't live. After a 32 hour labour the consultant came back on duty and on his rounds recognised he had seen me more than 24 hrs before and as he took the Dr out for a word my sons heart was faltering and we were rushed ( they ran) to the theatre where he was delivered with Apgar scores of 0 2 4 and he was in special care. I didn't see him until he was six days old as they nearly lost me too.
At six months I was informed by my GP he might be brain damaged and he discovered that the hospital failed to have a meeting with us to inform us of this.
Now I look at this handsome, kind, funny son that has come through without any brain damage who loves reading and fell walking, bought his own house at 21 and has lots of friends and I thank God for this boy. He cheated death again at Christmas when he was 18 with asthma, it ruined his A levels but he has always worked and has enough to live on, nearly paid his house off and has a car and two holidays a year. I cherished his every milestone and hoped he would be alright and he was 18 mths before we got the all clear. We would have loved him regardless but I marvel that he is ok. So cherish your children they are unique. I did go on to have three more but he is a little special as he was my first and I was only 20 when I had him.

Reppin Sat 11-Nov-17 05:54:10

Maybe she wanted him to have a more normal childhood henry I personally don't think downplaying his out of the ordinary ability necessarily led to his confidence issues, but maybe it taught him humility. Which is surely a far greater attribute?

Moveitgrooveit Sat 11-Nov-17 06:09:59

My child is special. He's three, and points out countless shapes to me all the time. "Scalene triangle", "concave quadrilateral", "blahblahagon" (something I don't understand), and so on. He counts beyond 100, can spell, read a bit, identify countless herbs, leaves, trees etc.

The best bit, this week he finally fed himself his own dinner for the first time in two years. It was a huge deal, we have not stopped congratulating him. Also, after years of trying, managed to teach him how to say "I love you" to special people like myself and his dad and sibling. He has autism, so his achievements that are most special to us, are ones that wouldn't even register to most parents at this age.

I think it's important that parents celebrate the small things that their children do. Just don't raise your child above others because they all have their own unique strengths and challenges.

Merida83 Sat 11-Nov-17 06:16:25

Can I boast? Dd has just started smiling properly and has the prettiest smile ever! (Yes I am biast I know this).

And last night slept for 4 straight hours (shame it was in early evening and on me and meant I've had a rubbish night but still it's progress of sorts!).

ownedbySWD Sat 11-Nov-17 06:17:31

I love watching my children grow into into independent young people. I really looking forward to their teens and young adult years - I'm excited to see what happens next.

Amiable Sat 11-Nov-17 06:20:46

Moveit, that is wonderful, yay to your DS!😀

Gizlotsmum Sat 11-Nov-17 06:22:27

My onenis quite random but my 9 yr old has properly started using sarcasm. It’s actually quite amusing ( she only uses it on me or her dad) and made me realise just how much of a young person rather than a child she is ( in the next breath she will check that Santa knows we have moved!)

RainyDayBear Sat 11-Nov-17 06:33:26

My 21 month old has started saying “bless you” when people sneeze or blow their nose. I’m about ready to burst with pride blush

Catalufa Sat 11-Nov-17 06:48:05

YANBU. I do think it’s a shame how on the ‘my child is reading early’ threads everyone is so ready to jump in and say ‘that sounds about average’.

So proud of all three of my amazing DC!

ThatsNotMyToddler Sat 11-Nov-17 06:51:34

rainy my ds has started doing that too - followed by a concerned “wipe?” He also says “welcome” when you thank him for anything. So cute I could burst 😍

girlfromwest Sat 11-Nov-17 06:54:56

My almost 3 week old DD is focusing on my face and toys. It’s such a little thing but I’m so proud of her! biscuit

Whatsername17 Sat 11-Nov-17 06:54:57

There is nothing more wonderful that being amazed by your kid. My 9 month old can say 'cat', 'daddy' and 'ta'. The only thing preventing me from declaring her a genius is her utter refusal to say 'mummy'. grin

greenjojocat Sat 11-Nov-17 06:56:00

My boys are amazing! They have gone from being born at 24 weeks to growing into wonderful, happy and hilarious 18 month old little men. We too have/had oxygen support and one has a lot of other needs but they are fantastic in every way and I love them so much. What a lovely thread and very un-MN flowers

MaisyPops Sat 11-Nov-17 07:14:39

It's not about sneering at people who love their child, think they are lovely and get excited about their achievements.

It's usually aimed at people who insist on suggesting regularly that their child is so much more special/gifted/intelligent than everyone else (and on MN there's abolsutely loads of people who seem to think their child is the most gifted individual on yhe planet).

E.g. A child may be able to name 3 types of dog and say 'spaniel', 'collie', 'setter', but is that because they fundamentally understand how certain dogs are classified or is it because the parent has taught them vocabularly in context so they know 'our dog is a collie'? They may thrn think a collie is a black and white dog and label black and white dogs as collies. Sometimes they'll be right but others wrong because they child doesn't actually understand whay a collie is.

The type of parent who loves to make a fuss to everyone is also usually too busy using their child as an extenstion of themselves to consider the nuances of understanding becasue they are too busy trying to drill their children to appear smarter than everyone else.
Those types of parents also seem to think everyone cares about endless updates and then if anyone says thry don't care or can they just give it a rest, the braggy parents become a victim of 'inverted snobbery' and lament about how 'people don't like bright children and want to hold them bavk' and then by school they become the ones posting on MN about how 'DC has been with their new teacher for 3 weeks and they've not eveb done blah blah blah yet. DC says they are bored doing the viking topic because we went to the viking centre at 3 so now they are repeating everything', 'DC is so gifted and intelligent it is obvious thay the teacher feels threatened by them. She is holding DC back because she doesn't like to accept children are more intelligent than them'.
I had a great chat with a pushy braggy parent who told me that their child needed a different GCSE text from the whole uear group because they 'did Macbeth in year 5'. No amount of trying to explain that knowing the story is different to studying a play at GCSE and people study Shakeapeare at uni got us anywhere. Braggy parent insisted i was trying to hold their child back. Their child got a D on their first assessment.

Whereas most normal parents will talk to their children, say 'DC said their first word today!' Etc and will generally do nice educational things. It's just normal people don't have some kind of superiority complex and aren't utterly insufferable to be around.

CherryChasingDotMuncher Sat 11-Nov-17 07:21:07

I think the bottom line is - it’s lovely for you when your DC achieves something great, but don’t expect anyone else to give a shit or applaud them for it

StupidSlimyGit Sat 11-Nov-17 07:25:00

Oooo can I add a tiny boast, it's nothing big but my one year old now says "ta" when you give her something. I'm ready to shout it from the rooftops but won't she also reliably points at every dog we see and excitedly shouts "doggy". They're small achievements and in no way more special than any on here... But I'm so very proud

MaisyPops Sat 11-Nov-17 07:28:08

So you fall into the 'normal' category of parents who get really excited about their child and share it a bit.

Whereas the braggy parents would be already trying to teach their child manderin so that in 6 months time they can wheel their child out in front if friends and say 'how do we say thanj you in MANDERIN?' ans look at my child and how awesome they are but not just that i really want you to praise me for my parentinf because i am amazing but dont worry if you don't because you'll talk about it on the way home anyway. The main thing is you think my child is so smart and i am a brilliant parent

Taffeta Sat 11-Nov-17 07:30:21

I think the bottom line is - it’s lovely for you when your DC achieves something great, but don’t expect anyone else to give a shit or applaud them for it

I think we all know who does give a shit. My mum does, my sister does, MIL, and a handful of close friends. Friends mostly who don’t have children the same age so there are no comparisons!

But no one will appreciate them like you and their father. Mine are 14 & 11 and most weeks take the wind of out my sails with their awesomeness.

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