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AIBU to feel annoyed that male colleague is paid £5k more than me?

(138 Posts)
Octonautstotherescue Sat 11-Nov-17 00:57:36

We do the same job although I’m more qualified. I found out his pay details by accident yesterday. Couldn’t believe it and feel like a mug now. This isn’t right or legal is it?

Ttbb Sat 11-Nov-17 01:02:52

Sure it is. They can pay him whatever they want. Just ask for a raise, that's likely what he did. They're not going to give you more money for no reason. Put on your big girl pants ffs.

drumsPlease Sat 11-Nov-17 01:05:29

How is it not right?

Maybe he does the same job but to a better quality or more of it. Maybe they like him more and value him more at the company. Maybe he asked for it.

I doubt you'll solve the issue you have by asking anonymous people on a parenting forum.

What did the relevant people at your company have to say about it?

steff13 Sat 11-Nov-17 01:42:03

Have you asked for more money?

Tartyflette Sat 11-Nov-17 02:09:33

In the UK Employers cannot pay a man more than a woman for doing the same job under the Equality Act 2010.
The ACAS website also has good information on how to raise a grievance and pursue a claim.

steff13 Sat 11-Nov-17 02:11:19


SD1978 Sat 11-Nov-17 02:11:26

Have you both been in the role for the same time? Did you take maternity leave, and so he’s been ‘active’ in the role longer? If it’s same length of service, same job description, then I’d be annoyed. If he’s worked longer, then I wouldn’t.

Stompythedinosaur Sat 11-Nov-17 02:12:38

It's legal but morally wrong, and it makes a statement about your company's values.

You need to ask for a pay rise, and possibly also an explanation about your treatment.

LeggyLinda Sat 11-Nov-17 02:28:21

In my line of work it is quite common for different people who appear to do a similar role get paid different amounts/have different benefits. This is regardless of sex, or suchlike.

There are many other factors to consider. But one of the biggest IME is how it was negotiated and agreed. There is an argument that the average man is more naturally adept at self promotion than the average woman, but I'm not 100% sure of this.

Basically, YANBU to complain if you are in a working in a company with a standard pay structure and you are both doing the same job for the same length of time. But YABU if you are in a situation where negotiations are involved.

Why not put forward a case for a rise? I wouldn't mention you know what the other person gets, but you could use the information to point out what you're worth to the company.

ReanimatedSGB Sat 11-Nov-17 02:37:56

Get some legal advice. It might well be against the law for them to pay him a Penis Bonus. But it depends what the job is and the structure of the company.

Stompythedinosaur Sat 11-Nov-17 02:39:48

My guess is the company will claim it's a merit-based decision.

Funny how men consistently are deserving of more money than women.

Fucking pay gap.

safariboot Sat 11-Nov-17 02:53:12


I blame a culture of secrecy about earnings and lack of a standard pay structure (if there isn't one) as much as I blame sexism. The employer knows what they're paying everyone, the employees when trying to negotiate are kept in the dark.

steff13 Sat 11-Nov-17 03:00:50

I blame a culture of secrecy about earnings and lack of a standard pay structure (if there isn't one)

I agree with this. But I don't think there's enough info in the OP too decide if the employer is in the wrong paying the man more. Maybe he's been with the company longer. Maybe he asked for more money and she didn't. If your colleague asks for a raise and gets one, do you expect to automatically be given one?

Atenco Sat 11-Nov-17 03:19:33

Interesting to read how many people are saying it is right and legal, even after a link has been given to the law on the matter.

How can it be right or legal?

This happened to my mother back in the sixties before equal pay came in, how come so many women are still willing to defend such evident discrimination?

CoyoteCafe Sat 11-Nov-17 03:19:43


There may be a real reason, such as being in the position longer, but it may be because many people subconsciously still think that when a man is doing a job, it's worth more. Here is a link to an article about a study that showed that when women move into previous male dominated fields in great numbers, those jobs begin to pay less.

Here is a quote:
"The study, which she conducted with Asaf Levanon, of the University of Haifa in Israel, and Paul Allison of the University of Pennsylvania, found that when women moved into occupations in large numbers, those jobs began paying less even after controlling for education, work experience, skills, race and geography."

I agree about putting in a request for a review and pay raise. Advocate for yourself. wink

steff13 Sat 11-Nov-17 03:29:59

How can it be right or legal?

Because circumstances exist where it would be appropriate. If he's been at the job for 5 years and the OP has been at the job for 2, for instance. I'm not saying it's right, I just don't believe in jumping to conclusions, and I don't know all the circumstances here.

CoyoteCafe Sat 11-Nov-17 03:50:36

This happened to my mother back in the sixties before equal pay came in, how come so many women are still willing to defend such evident discrimination?

Because they think the world is fair now, so if a woman is getting paid less then she must deserve less.

I'm a bit more cynical. There could be a real reason, but I doubt it. There's still a lot of sexism.

drumsPlease Sat 11-Nov-17 03:59:05


"how come so many women are still willing to defend such evident discrimination?"

Where is the evident discrimination?

I think it's simply that many people don't like to call 'sexism' with little or no evidence. It devalues the term.

Bruceishavingfish Sat 11-Nov-17 06:46:20

In the UK Employers cannot pay a man more than a woman for doing the same job under the Equality Act 2010.

Its not as clear cut as that. If a company can justify that its not based on gender, its legal.

The colleague could have asked for more and the op may not have.

He may have been there longer

Despite being less qualified, he may have some skill that is important.

It could be discrimination. But its not as simple as 'men can never be paid more for doing the same job'

I get paid more than everyone else who is the same level in my office. I am a woman. Because I told them I wouldnt move to them for the amount they wanted to pay. So they gave me what I asked for.

When they asked me to do a sideways move but with more responsibility, i refused unless it came with a pay rise.

People in the office know i am paid more and blame it on all sorts of reasons. Non of which is the truth. The truth is that I know I am valuable to the company and know my worth. I expect them to pay me what I am worth and make sure they do.

The others dont feel comfortable talking about money, asking for raises, sometimes arent great at their jobs so dont have a case for a raise. Lots of reasons.

But non of that is discrimintation or my fault. People need to their situation inot their own hands. Or prove its discrimination.

SuperBeagle Sat 11-Nov-17 06:49:13

Echoing others, has he been in the role for longer than you?

You might be "more qualified", but if he has been in the position for longer, you'd be hard pressed to dispute his higher pay rate.

Splinterz Sat 11-Nov-17 06:49:24

Incremental pay scales?
Performance related pay?

I'm afraid the fact you are in possession of a vagina doesn't make you of equal worth any more than the fact he has penis makes him of more worth.

Vitalogy Sat 11-Nov-17 06:56:12

I read on another thread about this subject, could in general, men ask more often for pay increases thus getting more maybe.

confusedlittleone Sat 11-Nov-17 06:57:08

More info needed- has he been there longer? Is he more proactive at asking for pay rises? Do you both do 100% the same job, to the same standard?

Biggreygoose Sat 11-Nov-17 06:58:08

A pay gap is also common if you where hired at different times and how desperate the company were to get someone in at the time they were hired and/or how much they had to offer because of the amount they were on previously.

AppleKatie Sat 11-Nov-17 06:59:42

Think it through OP only you can answer if there is any merit in the 'he probably has more experience or penis skills than you.

If there isn't an obvious justification- which FYI I'm guessing there isn't or why would you have posted- im sure you're not an idiot. Then get legal advice, I don't think this is tv right forum for finding out what you want to know.

Thankfully I now work in an environment where men and women are genuinely paid fairly. I'm still kicking myself for not getting legal advice when I worked somewhere which pretty blatantly paid me less and promoted someone over me because of his penis. I was basically told it wasn't that I couldn't do the job but he was a man and he'd leave if he didn't get it. I should have taken legal action, instead I looked for a new job somewhere better and got the hell out. A good decision but it does still rankle...

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