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To tell my friend sorry I'm too busy

(126 Posts)
Pinkpowerofthought Fri 10-Nov-17 18:04:34

My friend is an hour's plane journey from me or eight hours by car. I usually see her once a year. We keep in touch via Facebook.
She doesn't have any children and regularly travels to places at the spur of the moment. She has just told me she is visiting and asked my plans this weekend.

I'm having a really busy time of it just now. Just moved house and in the middle of renovating and decorating before new boiler and central heating getting fitted on Monday. I have hardly saw dp because of work or rushing around doing jobs in the house. I work full time and i have a dd. I am off on Sunday but I need to sort the house at any spare moment and was looking forward to a lie in.
I get really pissed off because every time she visits this way it's always last minute and she expects me to just not have anything on and be care free and live life as it comes.
I don't think she understands how busy it is having a family and a house to run. She's a bit of a traveller, works cash in hand and has as much time off as she wants and she's single and lives alone so she just fends for herself.
I feel bad cause she's came all this way but it's a really bad time just now and i always think if you are visiting you should arrange a convienent time so you can both make the most of it.
I should add she's staying in a hotel near by.

Mumof56 Fri 10-Nov-17 18:14:27

You can't spend an hour with her?

Well then tell her you're busy.(and you're not much of a friend)

You sound jealous of her lifestyle

FlouncyDoves Fri 10-Nov-17 18:16:27

Of course YANBU. Live your life as you want not as others demand. Tell you’re too busy and it’s too short notice.

Nikephorus Fri 10-Nov-17 18:17:06

YANBU - you've got a lot on & had no warning. Why should you drop everything because she's turned up? A decent friend arranges to meet at a time that suits both parties, not just them.
And you don't sound jealous, just busy!

ilovesooty Fri 10-Nov-17 18:19:02

I thought you were going to say she'd asked to stay with you.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Fri 10-Nov-17 18:19:17

Imo true friends make time for each other regardless.

bigbluebus Fri 10-Nov-17 18:19:23

Tell her she can call round but she'll get a job to do to help you out. If she's a good friend she won't mind. If she's not a good friend then she'll decline to visit you and then it is her choice not you turning her down!

CorbynsBumFlannel Fri 10-Nov-17 18:19:51

Either meet her for an hour or ask her to come and help you paint/occupy your dd.

MrSnrubYesThatsIt Fri 10-Nov-17 18:19:52

She should give you more notice, really.

Sirzy Fri 10-Nov-17 18:20:38

Can you not invite her round to see the house for an hour?

Splinterz Fri 10-Nov-17 18:21:13

If she is a good friend - cant she kip over , bring a bottle or three and you can eat in?

gamerchick Fri 10-Nov-17 18:21:34

I just here 'mint, another pair of hands' grin

I'm sure she'll pitch in when you tell her there is a list of jobs she can help you with.

gamerchick Fri 10-Nov-17 18:22:01


Couchpotato3 Fri 10-Nov-17 18:22:21

Have your lie in and invite her round in the afternoon. Agree with others - either she is a good enough friend to muck in when she arrives, or you haven't got the time and energy to see her and she isn't much of a friend.
If she turns up at no notice then she can hardly complain if you have other plans.

troodiedoo Fri 10-Nov-17 18:24:10

Totally fine to say you've got plans. I'd keep it vague though or it looks like an excuse if you provide your itinerary. "Sorry it's not convenient that weekend. If you give me more notice next time I can plan something special for us"
Do you think she'll get snippy? A decent person wouldn't.

afrikat Fri 10-Nov-17 18:24:31

I have several good friends without kids who live at the other end of the country. I also have a very busy life with work / family etc. However if any of my friends said they were in town for the weekend unexpectedly I'd drop everything possible to see them because I love them, I love spending time with them, and it might only happen once a year. I wouldn't care about the lack of notice. If you don't want to see her, don't - from your OP it doesn't sound like she has particular expectations. It doesn't sound like you are particularly good friends though if you can't spare an hour or two if it's such a rare occurrence

LooksBetterWithAFilter Fri 10-Nov-17 18:25:52

I never get all these can you not just meet for an hour posts because it never is just an hour. You’ve got to factor in the getting ready, travelling to meet then unless you set a 60 minute timer and just leave when it goes off it’s not an hour then travelling home.
When you’ve got a lot to do it’s sometimes easier to just get stuck right in and get it done. There is nothing worse than starting a job getting it half done and have to stop for some reason. If I was in your shoes op I would just say you’re busy and get cracking. I’ve had a busy run recently and dh has been away sometimes it’s nice just to stay at home and catch up on jobs and hang out with your family.

troodiedoo Fri 10-Nov-17 18:28:42

Maybe it's time to downgrade the friendship to virtual?

foxyloxy78 Fri 10-Nov-17 18:30:50


viques Fri 10-Nov-17 18:30:51

Tell her to bring her painting clothes and a spare paintbrush.

AlternativeTentacle Fri 10-Nov-17 18:31:32

Surely real friends don't expect people to drop everything and facilitate them on cue?

glitterlips1 Fri 10-Nov-17 18:32:24

Hmm just say it isn't convenient.

cathyclown Fri 10-Nov-17 18:32:49

Is friend coming to your area just for the spontaneous fun of it, or just to see you?

If she has other things to do I would bail out and say I would be busy/away/minding the cat/whatever.

If she is coming to see you, well then I would have told her ages ago that six weeks minimum notice is needed love. I have a busy life.

So yes, I would just say sorry, but can fit in a coffee one of the mornings to catch up. Anything more than that if demanded is off the table. It is a two way street.

You don't seem to like her much anyway. So why make the effort. Save it for those you DO like to be with. Life is short.

Bubblysqueak Fri 10-Nov-17 18:33:34

Yanbu but if it were one of my really good friends and I told them how busy I was with renovating they would rock up with takeaway and paintbrush .

Catseverywhere3 Fri 10-Nov-17 18:36:59

IMO jobs on the house can wait / will still be there the next day, your friend isn't though. YABU I would make time to see her, even if only for a few hours

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