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To expect my PIL to know how old my daughter is?

(89 Posts)
NataliaOsipova Fri 10-Nov-17 09:44:11

Geunuinely interested in a bit of perspective! Younger daughter's birthday a few weeks ago. Saw the PIL - for the first time in six months - recently. FIL was asking how old she was as he and MIL had thought she was a year younger.

They had, in fairness, sent her a birthday card with some money in it, so I can't in any way claim they forgot the date. But I was a bit nonplussed that they didn't know how old their grandchild was! Am I being a bit picky, it is this another pretty definite sign of a total lack of interest on their part?

RavingRoo Fri 10-Nov-17 09:45:46

My parents used to mix our birthdays up. So would write a card in one of the kids names when it was actually another kid’s birthday. If parents can do it, I think grandparents could quite easily!

Wolfiefan Fri 10-Nov-17 09:46:35

I can never remember how old I am! It wouldn't bother me.

Fruitcorner123 Fri 10-Nov-17 09:48:06

I would be offended

Seeline Fri 10-Nov-17 09:48:14

How old is she? I mean if she was 2 it's harder to get confused than if she was 15. I sometimes have to think twice about how old my DCs are now they are teens!

Also do they have other grandchildren - its easy to muddle up a lot.

How old are your PIL - it might just be old age

ILoveMillhousesDad Fri 10-Nov-17 09:48:20

I think you are being oversensitive.

It was my sisters bday the other day and I asked if she felt old now she is 37. She was 35 blush.

I often forget how old my brother and sisters are and nieces and nephews. I know what age approximately.

My ils and mum say things like 'how old is 'N' going to be on this bday?

I don't take any offence. In fact I just tell them and don't think anything of it.

MaxPepsi Fri 10-Nov-17 09:48:46

I get my nieces ages wrong all the time.
Know exactly how old my nephews are though.
I love them all. I just get a mental block on the girls as they are 2 different ages whereby my nephews are the same.

Andrewofgg Fri 10-Nov-17 09:49:58

DW has an aunt with fifteen GGCs and great nieces and nephews and a full set of marbles. She keeps a written list of their dates of birth. So would I.

MaitlandGirl Fri 10-Nov-17 09:51:14

My mum writes the name of the grandchildren plus year they were born on their birthdays on the calendar (so 31st October says “Mary 2000” for example) as she can’t keep dates right in her head.

My dad can never remember which variation I’ve used for my children’s names (luckily my sisters girls have got straight forward names with only one possible spelling!).

I figure they’ve got 78 and 80 years worth of memories in their heads so it’s not surprising some things get muddled up.

xhannahx Fri 10-Nov-17 09:52:39

Prepare to get flamed...you have mentioned something negative about your pil. They can do no wrong here in my experience.

Fwiw I would be extremely irritated, you should know how old a significant family member such as a GC is.

KC225 Fri 10-Nov-17 09:53:47

I think it's easily done and forgivable. Only a year out, and she is not the only grandchild. An older relative says she gets confused by school years and age. She says she started school after she 5 and gets confused when children are starting school at 3 (nurseries attached to school).
They remembered her birthday, that's the important thing

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams Fri 10-Nov-17 09:56:28

My sister was 18 two years in a row according to one set of grandparents. That's quite a big birthday to get wrong!

Lules Fri 10-Nov-17 09:58:29

I'm not sure my mother knows how old I am. She definitely always gets my birthday wrong. But she makes up for it in other ways.

NerrSnerr Fri 10-Nov-17 10:02:33

I struggle with how old I am, I often have to work it out. I struggle a bit with nephews and friends children too so parents or inlaws doing this wouldn’t bother me.

notacooldad Fri 10-Nov-17 10:04:37

Have they got other grandchildren.
My ( one deceased) MIL had 14 GC under 10 at one point. I thought she did well to remember their names and who they belong to never mind their ages.
Would it bother me? Not in the slightest. You said she got a card and money so she wasn't forgotten or overlooked or they are disinterested.
Don't we all have a brain slip from time to time?

TheFaerieQueene Fri 10-Nov-17 10:04:49

I got my son’s age wrong a few weeks ago (26) grin.

NataliaOsipova Fri 10-Nov-17 10:05:23

Gosh - thanks for all the responses.

She was six. Pretty significant for her!

In fairness, they are a) pretty elderly and b) she is the youngest of many grandchildren.

PovertyPain Fri 10-Nov-17 10:05:35

NI was in the benefit off ice yesterday and had to check my oldest's date if birth on Facebook. 😳 I'm a terrible mother figure, aren't I?

PoppyPopcorn Fri 10-Nov-17 10:05:38

I struggle to remember how old my nieces are. (I only have two nieces, it;s not like I have dozens), I have to run through a mental calculation of thinking older niece is a year older than my youngest and other one is two years younger than that to work it out.

Birdsgottafly Fri 10-Nov-17 10:06:42

I've started asking my middle DD how old she is.

I got my eldest DD age wrong when speaking to her, which didn't go down well. I'm only 50.

When put in the spot, I couldn't tell you my GC Birthdays. I see them at least once a week whilst Babysitting.

Given your update, it definitely doesn't mean a lack of interest.

chocdog Fri 10-Nov-17 10:08:01

They remembered her birthday that's the main thing. Do you know the ages of all your relatives? I don't.

PovertyPain Fri 10-Nov-17 10:09:03

I'll try that again.

I was in the benefit office yesterday and had to check my oldest's date of birth on Facebook. 😳

To be fair, considering my previous post, that shouldn't be surprising. 😁

KateAdiesEarrings Fri 10-Nov-17 10:09:07

I think YABU in light of the fact she is six (so not a particularly significant birthday) and they have lots of other grandchildren. I have umpteen nieces and nephews and I wouldn't be able to tell you all their ages with absolute certainty (and I'm not elderly!)

madcatwoman61 Fri 10-Nov-17 10:10:03

I have to work out how old my children are (30s) and frequently get nieces and nephews ages wrong. At least they are remembering her birthday!

Ceto Fri 10-Nov-17 10:10:50

Prepare to get flamed...you have mentioned something negative about your pil. They can do no wrong here in my experience

XHannaX, you can't have been reading MN. Put "MIL" or "PIL" into advanced search and you will find thousands of threads slagging off parents in law.

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