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To hire a cleaner to prove my point to DH?

(241 Posts)
sameshitjustdifferentday Fri 10-Nov-17 06:52:57

It's another tedious "DH not pulling his weight in house" thread I'm afraid.

Long story short. I had a long talk with DH nearly two months ago about him not doing his fair share in the house, how disrespected it makes me feel etc. We set up a weekly cleaning rota and for a while it went well.

However it's gradually slipped back into the way things were. He will Hoover, but miss the stairs out/not Hoover up the cat/dog hair. Empty the bin, but fail to sweep kitchen floor afterwards when there's bits all over. I can only assume he thinks the fairies mop the kitchen floor, clean the bathroom, clean under kitchen appliances etc because he never sodding does it! He's also slipped back into leaving dirty plates in kitchen sink overnight which is my biggest bugbear ever!

Would I be unreasonable to now get a cleaner in? I told him that would be my next move if he couldn't sort his shit out and he hasn't. Tbh we can't really afford it, but I'm not spending the rest of my life doing 90% of the shitwork and I've told him so.

Just feeling so let down by him right now. Ironically he wants us to buy a house asap. So I can apparently go from doing nearly everything in a one bed flat to everything in a full sized househmm

Pengggwn Fri 10-Nov-17 06:59:10

Do it. When he complains about the money take it out of the budget for something he enjoys (wine/takeaways/cinema/hobbies) if such exists. It's got to be a choice between him doing it or him paying for it, not you doing it or you paying for it.

timeforabrewnow Fri 10-Nov-17 07:06:31

You clean under kitchen appliances? If you mean like the fridge or washing machine that is seriously impressive.

[possibly missing the point of thread]

IL0veCl0thes Fri 10-Nov-17 07:07:57

Do it and don't even think about it.

mallardduckponds Fri 10-Nov-17 07:08:04

I think you would be very unreasonable if you can't afford it.

scrabbler3 Fri 10-Nov-17 07:08:07

This will only work if he feels the financial impact. If you're the one who would have to work out how to cut the food shopping budget (for example) in order to pay for the cleaner, he won't particularly care.

Albertschair Fri 10-Nov-17 07:08:27

I only clean under the fridge when I buy a new fridge

Or move house

ninjapants Fri 10-Nov-17 07:09:56

I'm just about to get a cleaner. I don't have the time and energy to do it all, and while DH pulls his weight in some areas (cooking especially) he appears to be oblivious to cleaning tasks that need doing unless I nag repeatedly remind him to do them.
There's enough to worry about without arguing over cleaning, so just get a cleaner (don't expect him to be grateful or react though)

eurochick Fri 10-Nov-17 07:10:10

Ha! I thought the same thing about cleaning under kitchen appliances. Who does that?

sameshitjustdifferentday Fri 10-Nov-17 07:11:07

No timeforabrewnow I mean under toaster, microwave etc where all the manky bits go to die. Life is too short to clean under the fridgesmile

We only have a joint account Pengggwyn I suppose I could tell him to subtract it from his monthly spends on football tickets?

Just so disappointed it's come to this. Can't believe he's living up to such a fucking stereotype. The worst bit is everyone in RL telling me "it's just what men are like" as if having a penis makes you unable to process when the floor needs moppingangry

ChinaRose Fri 10-Nov-17 07:11:25

Yes get one. We have a weekly clean. It's worth it just for getting the bathrooms and floors clean (£10 an hour). If it means more to you and less to him it might be worth getting one in. My DH also doesn't see the value in cleaning certain areas and will miss bits that I see as mandatory (kitchen floor, windows, kids toys, fireplace I could go on). Now the cleaners do it all for £20 every week and they are really good at it too!

PurpleDaisies Fri 10-Nov-17 07:12:22

I never clean under appliances either.

If he’s not pulling his weight at home, you’ve got a relationship problem not a cleaning a problem and hiring someone else won’t magically solve that.

PurpleDaisies Fri 10-Nov-17 07:13:52

Crosd posted with you. I do occasionally clean under the toaster and kettle (not the microwave though).

sameshitjustdifferentday Fri 10-Nov-17 07:14:06

Wow ChinaRose £20 a week is pretty good.

I wouldn't have to cut budget for food shopping etc. Luckily we don't eat much. I might just cut back on his favourite foods anyway. It's what he deservesgrin

PurpleDaisies Fri 10-Nov-17 07:15:34

Do you honestly think stopping buying his favourite foods will make him turn around and say “yes, I was wrong about the cleaning and now I’ll pull my weight”? You’re kidding the real issue which is him not respecting you enough to do his fair share.

ChinaRose Fri 10-Nov-17 07:15:36

OK our toaster stays out whilst being used then gos in a cupboard. Am i the only one who can't bare seeing it on the counter constantly?

thegirlupnorth Fri 10-Nov-17 07:15:43

Yes, get one you'll only need a couple of hours a week and if he can afford a football ticket he can afford a cleaner!

Auspiciouspanda Fri 10-Nov-17 07:15:53

I don't understand how him not cleaning the consequence is getting a cleaner? He still doesn't have to clean? Unless he's going to have to pay for it 'personally' I don't think he's going to care.

ChinaRose Fri 10-Nov-17 07:17:26

We're north west. They charge £10 an hour for 2 cleaners for 1 hour per week. Really quick too. It frees up my time so it's worth every penny.

sameshitjustdifferentday Fri 10-Nov-17 07:17:30

Is it just my microwave that gets loads of filth under it?

In my defence we have a very old and worn out kitchen. It needs to be cleaned well or it looks even worse. I think the fact the flat is quite worn makes all dirt look twice as grim. I like it clean cos it's the only way I can keep my sanity living here!

I know it's a relationship problem PurpleDaisies I'm feeling very sad about it today tbh. I can't imagine repeatedly upsetting DH over something I could easily changesad

PurpleDaisies Fri 10-Nov-17 07:18:49

china two people for £10 ab hour is less than minimum wage. If you’re paying that, it’s exploiting people and you should stop.

PurpleDaisies Fri 10-Nov-17 07:19:22

You don’t want to upset dh but you’re happy for him to treat you like dirt by not pulling his weight?

sameshitjustdifferentday Fri 10-Nov-17 07:20:06

I suppose it isn't really a consequence Asuspicouspanda other than in might make him realise he really is that shit.

I can't see another sanity saving solution though? The alternative is me constantly naggging him or doing nearly everything myself. Neither is very appealing tbh.

ChinaRose Fri 10-Nov-17 07:20:57

OP don't stress too much. My DH is a wonderful man but he just doesn't clean to my standards. It's nothing to start worrying about our marriage though.

ChinaRose Fri 10-Nov-17 07:21:41

Each cleaner gets £10 an hour.

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