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What to do when you meet an funny uncle?

(30 Posts)
Snafu1988 Fri 10-Nov-17 00:31:14

who does thinks that creeps you out, but you don‘t know if he is just old fashioned and has poor social skills and sees himself as charming irreales creepy?

Thanks!

paxillin Fri 10-Nov-17 00:33:20

Been a big session?

Not sure I get your meaning.

NearlyChristmasNow Fri 10-Nov-17 00:37:53

Keep your distance

Snafu1988 Fri 10-Nov-17 00:39:42

Argh... my autocorrect corrected that.

I was talking about a guy, who for example makes creepy compliments and so on and you do not know if he is just leecherous or if he has poor social skills and sees himself as charming instead of creepy.

Insomnibrat Fri 10-Nov-17 00:41:44

If he's older than you maybe he just can't relate and is trying to be 'cool'.

Bit of an Uncle Knobhead.

ReasonableLlama Fri 10-Nov-17 00:49:46

Is he your uncle?

Snafu1988 Fri 10-Nov-17 00:54:07

No,no, not actually my biological uncle. I just thought „funny uncle“ was the term used for that kind of person as somebody used it on another thread. This thread is just another thread continued which I am going to ask to be deleted as it is identifying.

It is a guy who is friends with a relative and friends with relatives of my husband.

Bloomed Fri 10-Nov-17 01:16:18

I remember your other thread. I say the same as before. Let him know your boundaries. You get to decide your boundaries.

BastardGoDarkly Fri 10-Nov-17 01:18:38

Good God, are you Austrian gentry by chance?

Redglitter Fri 10-Nov-17 01:18:43

Oh seriously your other thread had 12 pages worth of advice what do you hope to achieve by starting another basically duplicate thread

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake Fri 10-Nov-17 01:22:35

Hi can I ask a question? Is it possible that back in the 1940s/50s a German grandad might have said something like schlafan sie gut (apologies for bad spelling) when saying good night to his granddaughter? Or have I totally misunderstood the expression?

healzam Fri 10-Nov-17 01:26:33

Huh?

Snafu1988 Fri 10-Nov-17 01:30:38

I started the duplicate thread because I wanted to continue the discussion here because I am going to have the other thread deleted because it is identifying. I explained in the other thread. The advice there is very much appreciated. I did read it carefully and since I did not want to stop the discussion I started this other thread.

Snafu1988 Fri 10-Nov-17 01:34:50

@What... Yes. „Schlafen Sie gut“ or „Schlaf gut“ means „Sleep well“... actually the second one is the more intimate form a granddad is more likely to use, but then in the past some people used „Sie“= more formal version of „you“ for their next of kin.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake Fri 10-Nov-17 02:34:44

Excellent, thank you smile I know that was a random question but it's something I've wondered about for a long time

paxillin Fri 10-Nov-17 07:53:15

Tell him what is and isn't ok. Move away physically when he's creepy. Refuse to invite or entertain him.

DayManChampionOfTheSun Fri 10-Nov-17 08:04:28

Is this the one where you don’t want him calling you by your name?

AngelaTwerkel Fri 10-Nov-17 08:09:27

OP you might want to name change, posters can be hateful and they will drag your other thread into this.

But my advice is the same, too - shut down whatever you don't like. What's the worst that can happen - you are seen as rude? That doesn't matter.

Hoppinggreen Fri 10-Nov-17 08:13:55

Unlikely that you will be able to have your thread deleted- it doesn't really work like that
You have had literally hundreds of suggestions on how to deal with this on your original thread so perhaps you should try to put some not practise instead of starting a new one?
Things like this make people begin to doubt you are genuine

kinkajoukid Fri 10-Nov-17 08:19:15

People (family) turning a blind eye to this sort of behaviour is what lets creeps like these continue. He is not old fashioned, he is just using it as an excuse to behave however he likes towards you.

OP, you need to keep your distance from him, tell your husband about your feelings, and speak up if this man bothers you.

I know it can be really, really difficult when other people's behaviour puts pressure on you to just put up with it and to shut up, but you have to do what you can to protect yourself.

I did see your other thread and I am sorry that people were so horrible to you. I also think you should change your name and re-post in a few days time if you want to get advice without any extra abuse.

Skittlesss Fri 10-Nov-17 08:26:48

OK, I think you should just tell him how it is and then ignore him if he makes you feel uncomfortable.

I read your other thread and just want to say that I don't think posting on here on the 10th of November telling us how posh you are because your ancestors were brave soldiers is a good idea when you're from Germany. The majority of folk on here are British and many of our relatives fought in the wars too. Those of us who have relatives who were in the wars don't think we are any better than those whose relatives didn't.

kinkajoukid Fri 10-Nov-17 08:30:57

Also, if this has been bothering you for a long time, it is perfectly natural to want to talk about it.

It isn't just about getting practical suggestions, it is about talking about what behaviour is and isn't OK, and of how that makes you feel and how it feels that other members of your family ignore your concerns. That experience can be very emotionally disturbing.

Having a 'creepy uncle' involves more than just that person - it is the dynamic of the family and people around that person - especially if they enable him. It is not OK to do that (shudder) but sadly still not uncommon.

You will only be able to discuss this on MN without personal abuse if you change your user name... also, post your query in 'relationships' as people are generally much more understanding there than on AIBU.

In real life, can you see a counsellor OP? Or perhaps find some telephone help? Don't feel that you have to stop talking about this just because some horrible people on MN are rude or impatient.

WitchesHatRim Fri 10-Nov-17 08:32:48

I started the duplicate thread because I wanted to continue the discussion here because I am going to have the other thread deleted because it is identifying

So you start another thread that will say exactly the same. hmm

ToffeeUp Fri 10-Nov-17 08:50:29

I was on your other thread and as I said then you keep your distance and pull back when he tries to kiss your hand. And you remind yourself this is 2017 not 1917

BitOutOfPractice Fri 10-Nov-17 08:54:33

I think, OP, with the greatest of respect, you need to put your boundaries in place, act on that, and then get on with the rest of your life. You seem obsessed with this.

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