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To ask dc's school not to contact ex so much

(10 Posts)
theduchessstill Thu 09-Nov-17 21:22:09

He has them 2 nights a week usually - every Monday and then, in theory, every other weekend Sat- Sun, but is increasingly unreliable over this. I have no problem with school contacting him about things like parents' evenings, clubs they are in etc. However, they also text him with reminders for payments etc and that causes him to text me in a rude way, despite the fact that I will have had the same text from the school!

One example is ds1's secondary school transfer application. I knew when the deadline was but they sent a reminder out and ex then sent me an angry text demanding to know why I hadn't done it yet. Next example: ds1 has a residential next year and I haven't yet paid the deposit. Again, the deadline is approaching, not past, but they sent another text and ex then fires one back to me demanding to know why it hadn't been done.

He pays me nothing (I sent him an email last week about starting CM payments and he's yet to reply) and contributes nothing to their lifestyles. It's so galling to get these nagging texts off him when I sort everything out as well as paying for it all and they've never missed out on anything. It wouldn't be so bad if he offered to help/contribute, but it's always "Why haven't you done this??" "This needs doing asap!"

WIBU to ask the school not to send reminders to him, or would it be hard for them to differentiate which to send and which not to? I don't want to be difficult but these texts from him I could do without.

MaisyPops Thu 09-Nov-17 21:25:04

If he is a named contact person for the DC then communication from computer systems goes out to all parent contacts for the year.
I think you either have to remove him as a contact or accept he'll get the messages.
Otherwise you're asking school to picl and mix a bespoke service when really it's not their job to facilitate coparenting.

Don't get me wrong, your ex sounds like a PITA but it's not school's responsibility to navigate parents communicating about their children.

BarbarianMum Thu 09-Nov-17 21:27:34

Either he's on the list or he's not, it's all automated. But if he pays nothing why do you care what he has to say about payments etc. Just ignore or suggest he makes them.

Blondephantom Thu 09-Nov-17 21:28:46

If he has parental responsibility, then the school has a duty to inform him if he has requested it. It is annoying and upsetting when the ex reacts like this. My ex is similar. Flakey with contact, pays when he can be bothered but not reliably but demands every update from school. I try to think of it as at least he is trying to be involved somehow.

You could just reply to every text with a reminder that he needs to set up maintenance.

44PumpLane Thu 09-Nov-17 21:28:47

Stop responding to your ex, you owe him no explanation, particularly if you already have it in hand.

Secondly you need to hit him up for maintenance payments asap via the proper channels if he is not willing to engage in an informal manner.

CaeDyGeg Thu 09-Nov-17 21:56:00

If he texts you asking why you haven't paid again, tell him:

'I'm waiting for your half'

Cheeky twat.

Lelloteddy Thu 09-Nov-17 21:58:08

Just ignore the arsey texts and do not engage. He has a bloody nerve!

toffeepumpkins Thu 09-Nov-17 21:59:41

Has he given the school his contact details or have you?

I am the only named contact at my DC's schools and so they have never had contact with any other parent than me.

inkydinky Thu 09-Nov-17 22:01:02

Oh! I have EXACTLY the same situation. The system is automated and it’s infuriating. I particularly resent anything re payments because actually, as the person who pays surely that should be confidential? I have advised school that those kind of communications lead to nastiness but there’s not a lot they can do as he insists on being contacted (despite having big all to do with school generally hmm)

Fishface77 Thu 09-Nov-17 22:03:02

Next time you get a text get in there first and ask why he hasn't paid. And if he says it's your job say he can pay half. Twat.

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