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To wonder why some relationships last as long as they do?

(18 Posts)
waitingforlifetostart Thu 09-Nov-17 17:41:09

I've known people whose relationships fail after 10, 20, 30 ish years. How do some relationships last this long and then fail? I'm not talking about abusive relationships that finally end because the victim/abuser leave but bog standard normal relationships.

MrsSchadenfreude Thu 09-Nov-17 17:47:17

Boredom.
Infidelity.
One partner deciding s/he is gay.
The wife deciding she wants to be a nun.
Lottery win.

The80sweregreat Thu 09-Nov-17 17:52:31

Boredom is probably a lot of it.
Know someone who was married just over 24 years and now separated. Mostly boredom, she had an EA ( didnt last) now going through horrible divorce. She was just fed up really. No abuse or anything really bad. Very sad, but i can see how it happens and the reasons why. Happens a lot a think.

ClaryFray Thu 09-Nov-17 17:52:48

People change. Relationships are about growing together, mainly people grow apart. Want different things. It happens.

Nikephorus Thu 09-Nov-17 17:53:34

Probably women joining Mumsnet and being told to LTB grin

mustbemad17 Thu 09-Nov-17 17:54:27

I've often wondered this, but more to do with people getting married. I know a few couples who were perfectly happy whilst living together etc but not being married; as soon as they get married everything seems to destabilise

BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot Thu 09-Nov-17 18:21:09

Growing apart and wanting different things in life
Staying together for the kids then the kids move out

scaryteacher Thu 09-Nov-17 18:23:52

Ds is at uni, dh will be retiring in a couple of years, at just short of 59, and we''ll be moving home to the UK. Having lasted 32 years so far, I can't see us not going the distance; we understand each other and are tolerant of each others foibles.

KanielOutis Thu 09-Nov-17 19:09:38

In the older generation it was shameful to divorce, but now it’s acceptable.

RandomMess Thu 09-Nov-17 19:30:21

I would say it is the lack of both parties investing in “togetherness”, both not keeping emotionally intimacy, creating common interests as well as having individual ones, not having common goals.

Whataboutmeee Thu 09-Nov-17 19:32:05

The children growing up.

LagunaBubbles Thu 09-Nov-17 19:35:38

Couples who focus too much of their marriage on the children and just be Mum and Dad all the time, forgetting along the way they are a couple to. When children grow up and move out it's too late.

counterpoint Thu 09-Nov-17 19:35:51

Increasing confidence, desire for independence or simply realising that you now know. 'thyself'.

redexpat Thu 09-Nov-17 19:46:55

Empty nest syndrome.

Nellyphants Thu 09-Nov-17 19:51:41

I know couples who always disliked each other, one had an ephiany one day & leaves.

RaspberryBeret34 Thu 09-Nov-17 19:57:42

Minor incompatibilities plus life in general plus not growing together all causing various issues over a long period of time that add up and eventually a straw breaks the camels back.

RosaTheOwl Thu 09-Nov-17 19:59:28

sorry to trot it out but in some cases, you'd get less for murder...!

people might just want the change, as well as all the reasons listed here.

The80sweregreat Thu 09-Nov-17 20:05:12

My inlaws have been married for 67 years. Mostly unhappy , should have divorced decades ago. Such a waste of two lives, but they soldiered on. It probably wouldnt happen these days!

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