I have been in a relationship with a full time single dad for over three months now (kids' mum passed away more than two years ago). He's a very nice man and I don't want to loose him but it is getting harder & harder everyday. We got together during the summer holidays when the kids had one week away at grandma's in France. He had hoped to get an au pair so we could spend more time together getting to know each other but that plan fell through as he failed to get one. He has tried to get a child minder but that hasn't worked either. The kids are 11 years old and making 12 this month (twins). Dad finishes work early and rushes home so they feel that there's no need for an au pair or child minder. We tried sneaking around & almost got caught so we put that on hold. Right now, we are struggling meeting up and this is really weighing him down, he's sad & frustrated that we can't see each other (he told me that). I have tried to tell him not to get too frustrated, that things will get better but that doesn't seem to help, says he doesn't see an end in sight. He has no help whatsoever so everything is on him. He tried to get kids on sleep overs during half term but that didn't work. This week, we tried lunch but the situation is so frustrating at the moment, we can't meet, he can't see his friends (generally no social life) and because of that, he has started withdrawing. I know he's very busy but we used to chat on a daily basis, now I message him and he doesn't message back or takes days to message back. I did say perhaps we give up and leave this dating alone but he has said he doesn't want to give up because he found a wonderful woman, but I feel like he is shutting me out, I feel communication is what has kept us going and strong, with that getting less and less, it's affecting me and feel like letting this relationship go.
WHAT SHOULD I DO? PLEASE ADVISE.
AIBU?
Advise please
Blessed81 · 09/11/2017 13:39
I didn’t suggest a childminder - that’s a babysitters site so you can date like a normal couple. It’s perfectly normal to have babysitters 
so he can go out with his mates or you to the pub
He doesn’t have to tell them he’s dating, he can just say he’s off to play darts
If anyone wants to spend time with someone they will find a way. Excuses aside.
Surely there is more than one babysitter in his area (whilst she’s “deciding” whether she wants the work 
)
Agree with pp. it’s about actions not words. The time between texts is telling.
Sneaking around is not cool and I think it’s massively disrespectful to the children at their ages.
The daughter may have expressed that she is not pleased, but that’s understandable and as a child she doesn’t get final vote. For the sake of a period of uncomfortableness, he could introduce you to the kids and you could become a regular visitor.
His reluctance to do such would be my first clue...
Actually the babysitter excuse would have been my first clue.
Sorry OP, hope you can resolve everything
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