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to not understand why a crotch grab would result in PTSD?

(65 Posts)
BluePancakes Thu 09-Nov-17 12:50:46

Is it just that I've been so conditioned as a female that my body is not my own/it's other people's property that a crotch grab would be humiliating or embarrassing, but I'd move on pretty quickly? Whereas if a bloke had his crotch grabbed, especially by another bloke, it's so unexpected that it could affect their whole mental health?

Is the reason that "crotch gets grabbed" has made the headlines mainly because it's a man making the accusation, whereas there needs to be many more women making an accusation to make it stick? And whilst, I'm sure the media is in hyper-drive because these are famous people, I feel that if an average woman was to be grabbed by an average man, it would just be brushed under the carpet...

Apologies if there's a thread on this already, but I can't get my head around it.

(And though I hope it doesn't need to be said, I'm not dismissing the severity of any act of sexual harassment or assault, I'm just wondering more about how conditioned society is regarding the different treatment of the sexes.)

MargoLovebutter Thu 09-Nov-17 13:01:07

Maybe it depends on age & expectations.

I grew up expecting to be leered at, groped, wolf-whistled etc, believing that every male of the species wanted to have their wicked way with me. The way I was taught to deal with it, was to behave well and avoid situations where this may happen. If it did happen, then I was to deal with it, by coming over all 'head matron' and telling them in no uncertain terms to get their hands off me, as I was not that kind of girl. That was just the way it was and there was absolutely no suggestion that this happening was anything other than normal and to be dealt with myself. No one ever said that it should be reported or was totally unacceptable from the male perspective. The onus was on me to be 'good' and be the upholder of appropriate behaviour.

Attitudes have rightly changed considerably and maybe if you are groped nowadays, as a younger woman, you might feel so violated that you get PTSD.

MargoLovebutter Thu 09-Nov-17 13:02:03

Doh, sorry I've just realised I missed the point about it being the man making the accusation of crotch grabbing. Although the point of expectations probably still stands.

dinosaursandtea Thu 09-Nov-17 13:03:13

If someone grabbed my crotch I would absolutely report it to the police. Stop minimising, OP.

Smarshian Thu 09-Nov-17 13:04:57

Recently this happened to a female member of my work team by a male member. He was dismissed and faced criminal charges. Just not in the paper.

Splinterz Thu 09-Nov-17 13:05:52

PTSD, as in dealing with the aftermath of a car bomb in Kabul that wiped out your mates and half a market full of women and children. Its now a hijacked phrase, over used and devalued, unfortunately.

Ttbb Thu 09-Nov-17 13:09:33

i think that the negative feelings come less from the groping (it's really not a big deal in isolation and easily a misunderstanding) but more from a failure/inability to stand up for oneself. Usually when I encounter such rudeness I usually give the grouper/catcaller a good telling off and forget about it. Occasionally I don't (if my children are with me) and then I get very annoyed for the rest of the day.

BroomstickOfLove Thu 09-Nov-17 13:10:36

It's not a hijacked phrase, but a diagnosable mental illness with identifiable symptoms. Some people come through horrific experiences without getting it, others get it after incidents which can seem quite minor from the outside. It doesn't mean they don't have PTSD.

phoenixAgainAgainAgain Thu 09-Nov-17 13:10:46

Well played OP.

You "minimised" sexual assault which will rile all the feminists, played the 'famous people play to different rules' as well as opening the 'men get better treatment / concern' angle.

A fantastic post which is sure to run to several hundred posts each one unoriginal.

ghostyslovesheets Thu 09-Nov-17 13:10:50

PTSD is as above misunderstood by many people - and being made to feel scared and powerless is as much of a trigger for it as a car bomb hmm

BluePancakes Thu 09-Nov-17 13:12:30

If someone grabbed my crotch I would absolutely report it to the police. Stop minimising, OP.

Clearly didn't read the bit about not dismissing the seriousness of sexual assault. Nor did I say it shouldn't be reported to the police. hmm

I grew up expecting to be leered at, groped, wolf-whistled etc, believing that every male of the species wanted to have their wicked way with me. ... That was just the way it was and there was absolutely no suggestion that this happening was anything other than normal and to be dealt with myself.

Yes, I suppose, being born in the 80s, this was what I was taught growing up too. I agree that it is good society is changing.

Are any [female] posters younger, who would care to share what they would do too? Is it a generational thing, that a crotch-grab alone would lead to PTSD?

Splinterz Thu 09-Nov-17 13:12:39

What evs.

It's like Dr Google in this place. Ooh theres a nice set of words, I'll have some of that. hmm

BroomstickOfLove Thu 09-Nov-17 13:12:47

And I have been in a bomb blast, with no mental health consequences, but did have long-term effects (not PTSD, but a debilitating phobia) from being pushed into a puddle by a dog when I was a toddler.

thesaurusgirl Thu 09-Nov-17 13:16:23

There's a biological and psychological checklist as PTSD has very distinctive symptoms.

Some people are more likely to get it than not; nobody yet knows why.

It's not the severity of the cause but the symptoms that are important.

BluePancakes Thu 09-Nov-17 13:18:31

It's...a diagnosable mental illness with identifiable symptoms. ...others get it after incidents which can seem quite minor from the outside. It doesn't mean they don't have PTSD.

PTSD is as above misunderstood by many people - and being made to feel scared and powerless is as much of a trigger for it as a car bomb

Ok, that I understand. Thank you.

ghostyslovesheets Thu 09-Nov-17 13:18:36

yeah 'what evs' how mature - have you had ptsd - because I have and it's fucking horrible

Mittens1969 Thu 09-Nov-17 13:20:17

It's not a hijacked phrase, but a diagnosable mental illness with identifiable symptoms. Some people come through horrific experiences without getting it, others get it after incidents which can seem quite minor from the outside. It doesn't mean they don't have PTSD.

This 100%. I have it because of childhood SA. The memories were repressed for years but the PTSD symptoms were evident; I just didn’t understand why.

Queeniebed Thu 09-Nov-17 13:20:53

Its an emotional response to trauma. I know plenty of soldiers who have been to war and not suffered PTSD, and plenty who have. Its always personal

derxa Thu 09-Nov-17 13:23:28

PTSD? Crotch grabbing from either sex to either sex is equally reviled.
Surely?

BluePancakes Thu 09-Nov-17 13:26:44

Yes, I think that to me it's just expected* that a man would be "handsy", so doesn't seem like that big a deal, but other people would have a differing emotional response.

*When I was a teen/young adult. Now I'd slap anyone who tried that with me and give them a mouthful too.

ToastyFingers Thu 09-Nov-17 13:26:53

I'm 26, have had my crotch, arse and breasts grabbed by strangers (all men in my experience) in pubs and clubs a few times before I had children and stopped going out.

It was very much a case of put up, shut up and if you don't like it go somewhere else.
I can't imagine the police would have done anything.

BertrandRussell Thu 09-Nov-17 13:27:37

"Is it a generational thing, that a crotch-grab alone would lead to PTSD?"

No. It's a circumstances and individual experience thing. What's your point, OP?

dogfish1 Thu 09-Nov-17 13:27:58

The vast majority of men and women who have their crotches grabbed in one-off incidents neither report it nor suffer PTSD. What happens in a single celebrity case is a poor guide to anything else. Am a bloke, my Brazilian lodger grabbed my crotch about 5 years ago and had a bit of a feel, I shoved him off. Think it would have been more threatening if I was a woman tbh.

WomblingThree Thu 09-Nov-17 13:38:27

I didn’t read the OP as minimising, more a case of: women have been putting up with being groped or grabbed or touched for years and aren’t claiming PTSD from it, and yet as soon as it happens to a man, it’s news.

GracielaSabrocita Thu 09-Nov-17 13:40:24

In what way is your lodger's nationality of relevance?

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