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DH using kids to guilt me... who's wrong here?

(50 Posts)
YouLittleWally Thu 09-Nov-17 08:26:11

I’m full of a cold and struggling to think straight.

I have to go on a training conference. I need the car to get me there. It’s my car, my husband has a very old car which he uses for work (less than 2 miles away)

My husband wants to have my car to take the kids to Blackpool lights whilst I’m away (he can’t trust his car to get him there as I can’t trust it to take me to the training). I said I need it, we can all go Blackpool next week.

Since he asked last night he’s been getting the kids to ask me over and over if they can have the car. I’ve explained i need it to get to the training. They then go back to Dad and say “mummy says no” which he responds something along the lines of “oh we can’t go to Blackpool kids cos mummy won’t let us have the car” they then come back and plead!! WTAF!!

I had a look and it’s 2.3 hours on a train for a 40 min journey. Being so ill I really don’t fancy sitting on a cold smelly train.

I said if he could get out of work and take me he could take the car but he wasn’t up for that.

Came to a head this morning when he got my 6yr to ask again. Told him to stop guilting me. Said I should feel guilty and slammed out of the house.

Who’s been wrong here?

PinkyBlunder Thu 09-Nov-17 08:27:39

He is. He sounds like a childish dick.

Mrskeats Thu 09-Nov-17 08:27:44

I think you know the answer to this

SootSprite Thu 09-Nov-17 08:28:25

He is being a twat. Is he usually such a douche bag?

sooperdooper Thu 09-Nov-17 08:28:52

He's being a massive twat

Justbookedasummmerholiday Thu 09-Nov-17 08:29:03

What dh really means is he doesn't want to be the parent while you go on the training course.
Tell the dc the lights will still be there when you get back.

user1471517900 Thu 09-Nov-17 08:30:05

Blackpool illuminations finished last week.

NerNerNerNerBATMAN Thu 09-Nov-17 08:30:30

He's being a massive shit, but you know that already flowers

How old are the kids? I'd sit them down and explain it and call him out in his terrible behaviour.

TwitterQueen1 Thu 09-Nov-17 08:31:05

It's no-brainer. And why does he want to take them to see the lights whilst you are away? Surely this should be a family outing? Just tell the DCs that Mummy wants to go too so you're going to wait until you can all go together.

He is a dickhead.

Stompythedinosaur Thu 09-Nov-17 08:31:17

Wow, that's really horrendous parenting from him. Totally inappropriate!

MrsJayy Thu 09-Nov-17 08:31:24

He is being a total arse he is sabbotaging (sp) your training making about him and trying to keep you in your place, there is nothing else to say really don't feel guilty tell your children you need the car but will take them to the illuminations when you get back.

YouLittleWally Thu 09-Nov-17 08:31:50

Oh that’s good to know!

Thanks everyone. Know it’s quite out of character.

OK I’m gonna have to set off soon so will just go guilt free.

Had a chat with the 6yo this morning just explaining why I needed Car and that we’ll all go together when I get got back she was fine with it.

I’ll just leave him to sulk.

AlternativeTentacle Thu 09-Nov-17 08:33:08

yes the lights are gone. problem solved. although i would have said 'end of conversation' long before now.

MrsJayy Thu 09-Nov-17 08:34:33

somebody said the iluminations are finished so there you go

Meandyouandyouandme Thu 09-Nov-17 08:34:48

Yes the lights always stop after bonfire night, so this argument is pointless. He sounds horrible, guilting you using the children.

BewareOfDragons Thu 09-Nov-17 08:35:19

Wow. Your DH is a massive dick.

Has he forgotten that the fact that you WORK helps make it possible for him to take the kids on jollies while you're WORKING! Tell him to sort his own car out if this is a problem for him. You have no reason to feel guilty. If anyone does, he does for knowingly driving around in an unreliable car instead of getting it sorted.

He's undermining you and making you the bad guy. This has to stop. You need to lay this out for him.

YouLittleWally Thu 09-Nov-17 08:36:33

Lights have finished!! Flippin eck 🙄 end of then.

I have to go away quite a lot with work and him needing the fill the time isn’t unusual. He just gets stuck for things to do in the house. So it’s often days out / cinema / bowling / etc whilst I’m away.

Thanks again. So ill just feel like my judgement was cloudy

CecilyP Thu 09-Nov-17 08:36:37

Obviously, he's wrong. He doesn't seem to respect the work you do. If you lost your job, presumably your kids would have to go without a lot more treats. Why does he feel this has to happen while you are away? He sounds unbelievably childish.

deepestdarkestperu Thu 09-Nov-17 08:37:47

Yep, the lights are done. And all you would have done is sit in stationary traffic for hours! We went last year and it was ridiculously packed and nobody moved!

maras2 Thu 09-Nov-17 08:39:30

blackpoollights ended on 5th November. confused
As it does every year.
But he is being an eejit though.
Hope you feel better soonflowers

LazyDailyMailJournos Thu 09-Nov-17 08:44:54

Is there a reason why your 'D'H thinks it's appropriate to emotionally manipulate your kids?

What an unattractive trait.

JigglyTuff Thu 09-Nov-17 08:46:48

He’s being a fucking arsehole. I presume this hasn’t come out of nowhere though.

Sparkletastic Thu 09-Nov-17 08:50:18

‘Interesting’ that he couldn’t possibly think of another activity that didn’t involve having your car and massively inconveniencing you. Does he often get fixated on one option, failing to consider more workable alternatives!

I want to know what he says when you tell him he caused a fuss for nothing as the lights are over anyway!

Itsonkyme Thu 09-Nov-17 08:58:51

I would have to "have this out" with him when you get back. Tell him straight that when you go away and have to drive that distance, your car goes with you. NEVER ask again and NEVER use the kids like that again .
Btw he was so weird and insistent about this, are you sure it is just for the Blackpool "not" trip . It does he just want a better car for himself while you're away.
Would have to sort this out as it feels weird to me.

MrsJayy Thu 09-Nov-17 08:59:36

He doesn't need to fil their time when you are away the children are allowed to be a bit bored and knock about at home amusing themselves

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