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To double-barrel my surname after 14 years of being married

(47 Posts)
goingbacktome Wed 08-Nov-17 23:39:20

Is this a crazy and unreasonable idea?

I changed my surname to dh's 14 years ago - I have always kind of missed my old surname but it was the done thing back then.

Just recently I keep thinking I would like to double-barrel my surname even though the two don't particularly go well together. I miss my old name and now that I am getting older there is a nostalgic part of me that wants to somehow find the old me if that makes any sense? I have also just lost my wonderful nana and there is a sense of wanting to keep that link.

My children all have my married name and of course it is important to still keep this too. I just wondered if it would be strange to double-barrel my surname after so many years to get my old name in there again? Is this even legal - I am sure it must be if it isn't on any legal documents.

Mid-life crisis.....yes, perhaps!!

Raininspaincloud Wed 08-Nov-17 23:43:44

Can't see it being a problem but most double barrelled just use the one sur name day to day anyway and the two for official

Raininspaincloud Wed 08-Nov-17 23:44:47

Obvs you couldn't on official documents but day to day sure why not

Curunina Wed 08-Nov-17 23:48:06

Why couldn't she do it on official documents??

Go, OP! Reclaim your birth name!

Bosabosa Wed 08-Nov-17 23:48:13

I have an aunt who feels like this and may change too- think it is more common than you think. I didn’t change my name and happy I didn’t. If you want to, go for it, just ensure hubby knows you are not rejecting him!

DayManChampionOfTheSun Wed 08-Nov-17 23:48:50

Raininspaincloud

Ahh I wish that were true of my dp! Honestly I think he will take my name if we get married, his is double barrelled (two names that go together amazingly to sound like a sex act - I have zero idea what his parents were thinking but they are from the UK so I give them the benefit of the doubt)

Everyone uses his full name!

DayManChampionOfTheSun Wed 08-Nov-17 23:49:46

*are NOT from the UK!! Haha

EnidNextDoor Thu 09-Nov-17 00:13:35

Remember you can do the deed poll free here.

freedeedpoll.org.uk

And no you don't have to use a solicitor or have it registered at court or anything like that although some people will argue till the cows come home that you do. Total cost is nil.

confused123456 Thu 09-Nov-17 00:13:56

If you want to then go for it. I'd say talk to your husband first though, so he knows how you feel. Yes it's your choice, but personally if it was me I'd want my husband to know how I was feeling and what I was thinking of doing.
(Personally I couldn't wait to take my husbands name and would never ever not have taken it, so much so we had a 3 month engagement and planned our wedding in 2 months, just so we were married before our baby was born, and yes it was planned. It meant a lot to me to have all our names the same on the birth certificate. But everyone is different).

DeadDoorpost Thu 09-Nov-17 00:16:51

I'd love to use my old surname but I couldn't double barrel it with my married one as it was a double barrel in the first place. sad but I agree with a PP that you should talk it through with your DH first.
There's also nothing wrong with making your old one a middle name if you wanted. Done exactly the same way as the deed poll as it's a name change. That way you'd still have both names

Battleax Thu 09-Nov-17 00:25:16

I think it's a great idea if it makes you feel more "you".

You can, of course, change official documents and you don't need a deed poll.

Your marriage certificate is sufficient evidence of a double barrelling.

Battleax Thu 09-Nov-17 00:27:26

(Women don't renounce legal rights to their maiden name by marrying.)

goingbacktome Thu 09-Nov-17 00:38:45

Thanks so much for your input and thoughts. I would absolutely chat it over with my dh. Although I would prefer my maiden name rather than a double-barrelled I think the latter would make sense as we have four children and of course I want to feel part of them. So I guess double-barrelled it would have to be - even though it is rather a mouthful!!

I find the legalities difficult to get my head around. Would it be easier to just start using both names and leave official documents in my married name - is this acceptable? Or would it be better to change all official documents to a double-barrelled name and if so how do I do this? Cururina, my heart jumped when I read your post. I really do feel a need to have the name I was born with back - despite being very happily married. Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

Battleax Thu 09-Nov-17 00:45:23

The legalities are really easy as your marriage certificate proves that you're "entitled" to both names.

The thing about using different names for different things (I tried it) is that it gets complicated and the "official" name dominates anyway (because there aren't many areas of your life that don't require ID, bank details or payment at least occasionally).

goingbacktome Thu 09-Nov-17 00:48:58

Thanks Battleax - you've been great and informative. May I ask what you have used? I guess your advice then would be to make a decision and stick to it, rather than sometimes using my maiden name and sometimes using a double-barrelled version or my husband's name. I would absolutely love to go back to just my maiden name if my children weren't in the picture. I wouldn't like to have a completely separate name to them : (

Battleax Thu 09-Nov-17 00:51:47

I would absolutely love to go back to just my maiden name if my children weren't in the picture. I wouldn't like to have a completely separate name to them : (

Exactly my issue too. In the end I went double-barrelled across the board and it feels much better. More "me" but also keeping the connection to the DC.

Battleax Thu 09-Nov-17 00:55:09

(Also I sometimes used to pause to think before giving my name when I was dashing about blush I don't miss that!)

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty Fri 10-Nov-17 15:16:22

I always remember my mum signing the wrong name on a Tesco receipt as she used one name for business and another for personal stuff. I DB-ed my name when I married and now I'm divorced but still have both names, as it's the same as my DCs and I can't be arsed with changing it all!

You could certainly pop your maiden name into your Facebook account etc and make it an informal change for everyday things. If you want to go to the trouble of changing all your ID/bank/mortgage etc then that's a massive job and you have to consider if it's worth it after all this time.

If so, then start with your passport and everything else can follow from there.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken Fri 10-Nov-17 15:21:39

Another option would be to re-introduce your maiden name as an additional middle name

Glumglowworm Fri 10-Nov-17 15:23:15

I'd definitely agree that you should pick one name (his, yours or double barrelled) and use it everywhere. Increasingly you have to be able to prove your identity, even for fairly innocuous things, which is much easier if it's all in the same name.

yanbu to change to double barrelled, its a conversation you should have with your husband but ultimately it's your decision not his

BritInUS1 Fri 10-Nov-17 15:32:05

When I got married I changed my maiden name to my middle name via Deed Poll

I have a number of jobs and for some I use my maiden name and others I use my married name

SendintheArdwolves Fri 10-Nov-17 16:20:57

I changed my surname to dh's 14 years ago - I have always kind of missed my old surname but it was the done thing back then

Don't want to miss the point of the thread, but ^ was a bit of a shock.

Fourteen years ago it was 2003. Women definitely kept their names, even way back in that dim and distant past, OP grin Friends of mine got married then, and some of the women kept their names. There was even one man who CHANGED HIS NAME TO HIS WIFE'S IF YOU CAN BELIEVE SUCH A THING.

The early Noughties were a lot more progressive than history scholars would have you believe...

Uptheduffy Fri 10-Nov-17 16:25:12

AT least three posters have told you to talk it over with your husband. I assume you will let him know your plans, but unless you are asking him to also go double barrelled then you really don’t need to seek his agreement.

Hockneypool Fri 10-Nov-17 16:38:02

Yep totally agree SendintheArdwolves women kept their names then. I got married in the last century and it was perfectly possible then.

OP do what works for you. They are your names and it’s your identity.

430West Fri 10-Nov-17 16:42:34

Your marriage certificate is sufficient evidence of a double barrelling

Are you sure this is correct? Its evidence of swapping one name for the other, but an actual double barrel is a totally new name and needs a change by deed poll, surely?

Happy to stand corrected on this btw!

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