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No cards/gifts received from DH family on birth of DS

(27 Posts)
2ndTimeMother Wed 08-Nov-17 12:53:27

DS is now 1week old, while this is not my first child (I have 6yr old son from previous relationship) it is my husbands first biological child! (He is an amazing step parent to DS1)

We live 300 miles away from our families due to work etc, my family & friends have all sent cards, flowers, gifts & money for baby. Which is all massively appreciated.

Yet husbands family have sent nothing! He has 5 siblings & this is by no means MIL first grandchild. While MIL & some of his siblings have sent congratulations messages, AIBU to expect a card in the post?

I get that not everyone can afford gifts etc which is honestly fine we have everything we need for baby but as this is husbands first biological child I'm really upset for him that his family seemingly can't be bothered to even pop a card in the post sad

KimmySchmidt1 Wed 08-Nov-17 12:56:02

I expect the card is on its way.

Unreasonableunreasonableness Wed 08-Nov-17 12:56:22

Baby is only a week old. Lots of people are superstitious and won't buy presents before baby is here. Then you have to get to a post office. Might be a bit early to judge them yet....

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 Wed 08-Nov-17 12:58:45

I like to give a new baby gift in person. When my DS was born, the majority of people gave cards/ gifts in person. Could it be that they are hoping to visit and will give a card/gift then? It's still early days.

monkey1978 Wed 08-Nov-17 12:59:06

As long as they have text/called you or your DH to acknowledge the birth, do you really need a card? Maybe they are waiting until the actually see you, your DH and the baby to give you a present, I know when my friend recently gave birth I waited until I saw her to give her a present.
It wouldn't bother me, but then I'm not particularly bothered about cards.

PandorasXbox Wed 08-Nov-17 13:00:23

Congratulations OP.

Are try due to visit you soon? Maybe they’re waiting for them? If not then yes a card at least should have been sent.

tatree Wed 08-Nov-17 13:00:26

Might not be ‘card’ people.. when I had my little one we received tonnes of cards/balloons from my oh family, our friends and I think 1 from my family.. my aunt. My siblings and parents didn’t, nor extended family, but I don’t expect them too as we’ve never sent them amongst ourselves before. Christmas/anniversary’s/moving house/changing job never.. Birthdays occasionally but often a gift without.

They did however come round and make a fuss as I’m lucky to have my family living fairly close.

We might be the odd ones out in this though so see what other people think! Is your oh bothered?

PandorasXbox Wed 08-Nov-17 13:00:40

They not try

AnaWinter Wed 08-Nov-17 13:01:44

I always give baby gifts when I see the parents in person.

2ndTimeMother Wed 08-Nov-17 13:05:49

DH family have never visited us in the 3years we have lived here. We will not be seeing them until after Christmas when we travel the 300 miles to see them.

Hoping you are all right & I am jumping the gun! MIL & 2 of his siblings have sent messages of congratulations.

Maybe I'm just comparing them to much to my family who like to send cards for just about everything!

Redglitter Wed 08-Nov-17 13:11:47

I didn't send my brother and sil cards when my nieces were born. I'd congratulated them personally, my brother when he phoned to tell me and my sil by text.

If the baby is only a week old you're not really giving them much time for gifts etc anyway. Theyll probably arrive in the coming weeks

2ndTimeMother Wed 08-Nov-17 13:12:14


DH did make a throw away comment that it was nice of his family to bother, which tells me that he's bothered.

Hillarious Wed 08-Nov-17 13:14:46

I see birth congratulations cards as a keepsake, rather than just a way of expressing congratulations, which can also be done via text, social media, phone, in person. However, not everyone will have that same view.

Mamabear4180 Wed 08-Nov-17 13:29:31

My family just give gifts when they actually see the baby so it was between 1-3 weeks after the birth of my 2 youngest as various family came to visit. No cards though! I only had those from friends rather than family.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning Wed 08-Nov-17 13:31:41

Firstly, congrats. flowers Secondly, I think it’s early days but I can see your point. Disappointing of MIL in particular. It’s her son’s child!

ReanimatedSGB Wed 08-Nov-17 13:33:44

Some people just don't do cards. TBH it's not an unreasonable view: cards are wasteful in terms of resources, particularly when you can send greetings via social media or text. But I get the impression your H's family are not all that enthusiastic about you/the new baby, or they make you feel they are not that keen...

BenLui Wed 08-Nov-17 13:35:04

It’s only been 5 days, give them a chance.

My MIL sends cards for all sorts of things. It doesn’t mean she loves my D.C. more than my DM, it simply means she likes sending cards.

peterpan742 Wed 08-Nov-17 13:42:18

When both me and my siblings were born, dads family lived down the road. Didn't send anything, pop in (they passed our home every day), no text/call, dad used to pop round and they'd either be 'busy' or not home.

They met me when I was 6 months old for the first time.
They met my sister when she was 11 months old for the first time.

Our parents were understandably upset.

My friend had a lovely DD a few years ago. I brought two outfits for her baby and I gave her one before the birth and one when I met the baby. I'm glad I gave her one before the birth as I didn't see them for a while as she had a difficult birth etc. I do prefer to give it when I see the baby though!

Congratulations to you all on your little DS!flowers

peterpan742 Wed 08-Nov-17 13:43:32

P.s - after the birth, I did pop a card in the post for my friend, but it was received 3 weeks later!
It could be on it's way.

Ragwort Wed 08-Nov-17 13:45:13

Many people just aren't into sending cards - I admit I am and I love choosing and sending cards but a lot of people see them as 'tat' and just aren't interested.

Sketchily Wed 08-Nov-17 13:56:25

I bought a present and card for in laws family to give in person. Just seems more personal to me. Adore the baby, so no issue there.

Having said that, I might be a bit upset if no one ever came to visit me. Would be nice if they sometimes made an effort. Do you ever invite them to visit you/your area?

Myheartbelongsto Wed 08-Nov-17 14:20:26

Cards and gifts are not compulsory.

I couldn't get worked up about this.

phoenixAgainAgainAgain Wed 08-Nov-17 14:25:50

Surely you're too busy with your two children to actually spend time thinking about this.

Priorities, eh?

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin Wed 08-Nov-17 14:29:21

While MIL & some of his siblings have sent congratulations messages, AIBU to expect a card in the post?

Umm yes. Bluntly. Peraonally I dont do cards in any shape or form. If I havent verbally wished you happy birthday/merry christmas/sorry for your loss, or phoned you up for the same, then sadly you are too far off my radar to bother about. Cards are for socially inept people who cant string two words together and need Hallmark to do it for them. You've had verbal good wishes. And I dare say peopel will present you will cards etc when they actually meet the child.

dottypotter Wed 08-Nov-17 15:55:41

you would expect the granny to send a card. Why aren't they coming to see you. SOunds like they aren't that bothered?

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