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To tell my colleague to shove his opinion on birth up his a*se

(59 Posts)
MiniMummy576 Wed 08-Nov-17 12:21:06

I'm a bit peeved so excuse me if this is a little irrational.

Yesterday I asked my manager if he would be okay with me attending a antenatal relaxation/birth preparation class every Wednesday. Our company policy is that pregnant women are allowed to take paid time off for these things and antenatal appointments etc, but as he's new he just wanted to double check the policy before agreeing. No problem.

Today he comes over to my desk to tell me that he's checked the policy and it's fine for me to go. Then he starts 'joking' about how pregnancy is a skive as women get 'ALL this time off' for antenatal appointments and classes etc.
"You're only giving birth," he tells me.
I smiled politely and told him to have a go himself and get back to me. As he's chuckling and walking away, my male colleague then starts up on a rant about how women shouldn't have anything to say about giving birth because HE'S had kidney stones, he has them ALL THE TIME and they're FAR WORSE than giving birth. He knows this because his ex-wife had two children and yet she'd happily go back and do it again, but he'd NEVER want to have kidney stones again.
My manager looked a little awkward at this and off he went.
Then about 30 seconds later my colleague turns to me and says, "Well I think that was a little out of order."
"What?" I ask.
"'John' calling pregnancy a 'skive'. I think that's really out of order and a bit of an ignorant opinion."
I held my tongue but I really wanted to point out that he was a bit of an ignorant twat too.

Itsthattimeagain Wed 08-Nov-17 12:23:16

Tell him he's so far up your manager's arse you can see his face when manager yawns.

sooperdooper Wed 08-Nov-17 12:23:37

Eh? So why didn't you tell him at the time? Yes he's an arse but you can't bring it up now, he gave you a perfect opportunity to call him on it and you've missed it

MonkeyJumping Wed 08-Nov-17 12:24:50

Well he sounds rude, but a friend of mine says her kidney stones were much much more painful than giving birth. She said when they flare up the pain is as bad as labour but she couldn't get proper pain relief for it and doesn't get a baby at the end.

So honestly maybe cut him some slack, he was rude but he's also probably right that kidney stones are as bad if not worse.

FrizzyNoodles Wed 08-Nov-17 12:25:14

Yanbu! And it's not company policy to get time off for appointments. You're legally protected.

AmethystRaven Wed 08-Nov-17 12:26:25

Hmm, can't imagine why he has an ex wife, he sounds lovely grin

sinceyouask Wed 08-Nov-17 12:28:51

So honestly maybe cut him some slack, he was rude but he's also probably right that kidney stones are as bad if not worse.

Did you spectacularly miss the point of this thread? confused

Yanbu, op, he's a tit.

PoppyPopcorn Wed 08-Nov-17 12:28:56

Yes it's probably out of order but I have given birth three times - twice with just gas and air - and a gallstone attack was way, way more painful.

MonkeyJumping Wed 08-Nov-17 12:31:10

@sinceyouask - I'm not sure, I thought OPs point was that the colleagues opinions about birth were ignorant, and I'm pointing out that he might be right even if he expressed it rudely.

LostMyMojoSomewhere Wed 08-Nov-17 12:37:55

Yes he WBU and no man should ever comment on those things.

OTOH I have experienced much worse pain than birth and I hate this whole "pain trumps" game that (some) mothers play, ie I have had a baby so you may not tell me anything is painful ever again (or maybe that's just my mother, but that was her standard response to any stubbed toe, fall or request for sympathy.

Annelind Wed 08-Nov-17 12:45:40

I have both given birth and had kidney stones. The stone pain was far worse than childbirth shock

PinkSparklyPussyCat Wed 08-Nov-17 12:48:47

I hate this whole "pain trumps" game that (some) mothers play, ie I have had a baby so you may not tell me anything is painful ever again

I haven't had children but I have had gallstones and pancreatitis. When I told a former colleague she told me I didn't know what real pain was as I hadn't given birth. I'd only mentioned it as she asked me why I'd been off work, I didn't want a competition!

whatkatydidnext1 Wed 08-Nov-17 12:50:40

Well done for holding your tongue, he can not be trusted. My dh has kidney stones. And yes it is meant to be agony. He has a very high pain threshold yet he was on the floor rolling around in agony. He said when he was in hospital the dr compared it to labour so I think that's where some kidney stone sufferers get this comparison from. Anyway he's a twat and don't trust him !! Good luck with your pregnancy flowers

Eve Wed 08-Nov-17 12:51:24

same as Annelind... kidney stone pain is horrific , especially when you don't know what it is. DH called ambulance

StorminaBcup Wed 08-Nov-17 12:51:46

The OP isn’t asking for a pain rating for kidney stones vs child birth. YANBU but I’d get used to other people’s opinions from here on in, childbirth is just the start of it!

WitchesHatRim Wed 08-Nov-17 12:52:34

He was being rude but ime kidney stones were alot worse than giving birth.

whatkatydidnext1 Wed 08-Nov-17 12:53:08

Ooooh gallstones I've had that. They gave me morphine it was bliss after that.

KimmySchmidt1 Wed 08-Nov-17 12:55:02

crap manager, crap sense of humour.

Jerseysilkvelour Wed 08-Nov-17 12:56:00

But childbirth you are prepared for with endorphins etc aren't you. So even if it is as painful, it doesn't FEEL as painful. So technically, the kidney stones are more painful...

I think your colleague was actually trying t help you out there....

notacooldad Wed 08-Nov-17 12:56:23

In my opinion severe constipation is worse than given birth.
Why on earth didnt you shut your manager down when he started 'joking?

ethelfleda Wed 08-Nov-17 12:57:40

YANBU! It isn't just about the bloody pain anyway - try 'growing' and nurturing kidney stones for 9 months whilst potentially suffering morning sickness, bad back, extreme exhaustion and piles etc etc and THEN going through Labour (which apparently is about as physically taxing as running a marathon as well as being painful) and THEN not being able to recover properly because you have a new born to look after and therefore don't sleep. Add to that the horrendously piles as well don't forget!!

Sorry - just gave birth 8 days and quite fresh in my memory still smile

FGSholdthedoor Wed 08-Nov-17 12:59:16

It's ok op I had a colleague say something similar to me about being kicked in the balls!

He said how getting kicked in the balls it's worse because and I quote "if a guy gets kicked in the balls he doesn't stand up and say 'I want to do that again' but women do when it comes to childbirth" ... hmm

My manager piped up and said if women had that approach to childbirth there would be no more procreation.

GrumpyMcGrumpFace Wed 08-Nov-17 13:00:29

I think they could all do with keeping their opinions to themselves!

Well done not saying anything. This skill will come in useful for the whole child rearing thing - everyone has an opinion (fair enough - so do I!), but it seems only very annoying people come out with it unsolicited. Smile, nod, move on.

Hope I never get kidney stones though, sounds awful!

GrumpyMcGrumpFace Wed 08-Nov-17 13:02:20

Ethelfleda I've run a few marathons. Really not as hard! Though a baby is a better prize than a medal and a t-shirt grin

RhiannonOHara Wed 08-Nov-17 13:03:38

Report the pair of them. That's the kind of shit I'd like logged with HR, especially from your manager.

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