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To wonder why mil keeps giving me all dh baby stuff?

(88 Posts)
xhannahx Wed 08-Nov-17 10:40:35

Since i have had dd, mil keeps off loading lots of stuff on me and I just can't make head nor tail of it.

A bit of background, mil get on ok, never had any cross words or major fallings out, but we aren't close. She can be quite a cold person and excludes me from most family related stuff. Having been with dh for over a decade I am used to it.

When we announced our pregnancy, mil gave me dh baby blanket for our DD. I did find it a little strange, as it seemed so sentimental, but I accepted it graciously but didn't actually use it. I didn't want DD to be sick on something that to me is very special, so I have just stored it away safely.

Since DD has been birn, every time we see mil she gives me more of dh baby things. I now have:

- every single baby photo, plus many other old family photos shoved in big envelope.

- lots of old school books

- his first moments baby book

- cross stitich pictures with his name and dob

This is just to name a few.

All of this stuff to me is very sentimental, and I just don't understand why I'm being given it. Why doesn't she want it? When I asked about the baby photos she actually told me that she had thrown some away as "you can only have so many pictures with him covered in chocolate".

Is this strange? Aibu to tell her I don't want anymore stuff and ask her why she doesn't want it?

Everything she has given me has been stored away so that it doesn't get lost or damaged, but I just don't get it?!

Can anyone figure this out?

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin Wed 08-Nov-17 10:46:59

It's quite normal to pass t the next generation. She's looking at her own mortality, but hse hasnt quite realised it yet. Is she very old or ill? Did her own parents die young?

xhannahx Wed 08-Nov-17 10:48:54

No she's not old nor ill. Both parents still alive and no major family losses that I know of.

I would completely understand it if she was a very old frail lady who was kind of getting her stuff in order so to speak, but that's not the case at all.

WildBluebelles Wed 08-Nov-17 10:51:04

How is anyone supposed to guess the inner thoughts of your MIL? She probably thinks you and DH will appreciate it and will be able to show it to DD when she is older. I don't think it is weird at all.

Therealslimshady1 Wed 08-Nov-17 10:53:26

She has read a MN thread and is Marie Kondo-ing

BarbarianMum Wed 08-Nov-17 10:53:48

When ds1 was born his mum gave me a beautiful little cardi she'd crocheted for dh as a newborn. Both ds1 and ds2 wore it and now I treasure it - it's wrapped in tissue paper and put away. I will give it to my fist grandchild, should I be fortunate enough to have one, even though it has great sentimental value, because what's the alternative? It sits in my box of treasured things and then gets chucked in a skip when I die?

My mum gave me a silver teething ring she'd kept - ditto.

I guess your MiL is passing on her treasures in the hope of them being important to you or him. Family history, if you like. If they're not just bin them but have the grace to do it when she's gone.

xhannahx Wed 08-Nov-17 10:56:03

I would never ever bin them, they are stored away safely.

I guess for me I have just found it strange that she seems to not want these memories for herself, in particular all the baby photos? Am I really the only one who finds this strange, to not want to keep all of your only child's baby pictures?

Lucked Wed 08-Nov-17 10:56:54

My PIL do this they are very sentimental and have kept loads of stuff I would have thrown out. The fact that they have kept it so long leads DH to believe it has sentimental worth (even if he didn't know they had the item or have his own memories of it) and so I am not allowed to bin it. Does my head in.

BertrandRussell Wed 08-Nov-17 10:56:57

Ask her!

TSSDNCOP Wed 08-Nov-17 10:57:35

She's passing on treasures that she's kept from her own darling little baby boy. Nothing sinister, just really lovely and sweet.

When I had DS My mum gave me loads of lovingly cared for things that her mother had given her when I was a baby. It's actual memories, none of this "make memories" baloney.

Tubbyinthehottub Wed 08-Nov-17 10:59:04

I must be a cold hearted cow as I’d be very irritated if my MIL was passing a load of old junk like this to me. I have enough crap of my own, never mind extra. I’m not very sentimental though!

If you like it and want it, keep it. She obviously wants you to have it now.

TSSDNCOP Wed 08-Nov-17 10:59:34

As to the photos, that's so your child has pictures of their father. My dad just died so I'm feeling a bit more sentimental than usual, but really it's lovely to have these things.

SleepFreeZone Wed 08-Nov-17 11:00:39

It's not that weird is it 🤔

My mum and MIL have done the same and they're all in my wardrobe ready to be put in a family memory book so my children can see photos of me and DP as babies.

Flokidoki Wed 08-Nov-17 11:01:15

My mum gave all of us our baby things when we had our first because that's exactly why she'd kept them.

I guess the photos is a little strange but they're part of DH so maybe to her they are of sentimental value to him rather than herself?

xhannahx Wed 08-Nov-17 11:01:18

It's not about it being "old junk" and me not wanting it.

I'm happy to have it...I just don't understand why she doesn't want it?

I just can't imagine a time where I would give every baby photo of my daughter to someone else until I'm no longer here to look at them.

senua Wed 08-Nov-17 11:02:24

I know that I can pass on stuff to DD - she will treasure sentimental items.
I know that if I did the same to DS it would go straight to the skip. I'm waiting until he has a wife I can give it to he's a bit more mature.

SleepFreeZone Wed 08-Nov-17 11:02:27

All you have to do is put the clothes and blanket into a nice clean, waterproof trug and stick it in the loft. Then when the kids get older they can choose to look at this stuff or not. Once your MIL dies then your husband can decide if he wants to throw the box away or keep it.

Tubbyinthehottub Wed 08-Nov-17 11:04:08

Well, people usually give gifts because they want people to have them. You do want and treasure these items so there’s no problem.

SleepFreeZone Wed 08-Nov-17 11:04:27

I guess it might be painful for your MIL to look at as time has marched on. In my parents and inlaws case they wanted to pass the stuff onto us while they're still living and have enjoyed giving the stories behind the photos.

MrsOverTheRoad Wed 08-Nov-17 11:05:14

My MIL did this. It never ocurred to me to think it odd!

She wanted my DD's to have their Dad's blankets and things. They have his rattles and even some clothes!

Not odd. There's something very lovely about it.

SleepyHeadThisTime Wed 08-Nov-17 11:05:16

My MIL is the same - our latest is dh's health record which she lamented not completing fully. Neither dh or I particularly want it, but won't throw it away either so it's stored in a box never to be seen again. I don't know why mil is giving us things that are sentimental to her rather than keeping them confused

BriechonCheese Wed 08-Nov-17 11:06:14

I think it's quite sweet.

If it's becoming a space issue for you now then say "as you know we have an issue with space at the house, it would be great if you kept someone of the more sentimental stuff - that way you can show DGC when we all come over."

senua Wed 08-Nov-17 11:06:50

Am I really the only one who finds this strange, to not want to keep all of your only child's baby pictures?

But she said "you can only have so many pictures with him covered in chocolate." Has she made three piles: keep, pass on, bin? I know school photos come in a minimum order quantity of eleventy billion (or did in my day).

xhannahx Wed 08-Nov-17 11:07:05

Sleepyhead thank you, was starting to feel like the only one.

SleepFreeZone Wed 08-Nov-17 11:07:59

She's passing it over because she's hoping it might also have sentimental value to you! If it doesn't just chuck it away and don't tell her!

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