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Aubu to want to redistribute finances, and how?

(70 Posts)
LyannaStarktheWolfMaid Wed 08-Nov-17 02:59:13

I'm late 30s. Been with OH forever. 2 Tweenies. OH is a high earner. Joint mortgage, small joint debts. I have a small earning full time WAH job, literally no pension. OH has a high wage and ridiculously generous pension. Joint finances. We have no savings. We're pretty happy, but I'm really conscious that all the eggs (so to speak) are in his basket, and if he chose to leave me, I'd have nothing, except a half share of the equity. I signed a release for his parent's contribution to our first house 12 years ago- that accounts for 30% of our equity. So all I have to show for 18 years is 35% of the equity of the current house. That's not much. What can I do? I'm not going anywhere. But my lack of options makes me feel trapped. I need a long term strategy to make me an equal financial partner in the relationship, bearing in mind that my earnings are about 1/3 of OH. Any advice gratefully received. I find it hard to feel complicit in the relationship when I know I have no escape route! OH is lovely but short termist, so doesn't understand how I feel.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 08-Nov-17 03:03:05


LyannaStarktheWolfMaid Wed 08-Nov-17 03:05:57

We are married! Sorry if that was unclear. I'm not sure how that helps?

Mxyzptlk Wed 08-Nov-17 03:06:44

Divorce court would take your contribution to the partnership into account. You wouldn't get just the 35% of the house value.

Could you set up a private pension using your earnings? I don't claim to know anything about these but it'd be worth you looking into it.

Cactusjelly00 Wed 08-Nov-17 03:11:14

If you were to divorce you would be awarded more than 35% of the house certainly.
Could also include spousal support (possibly being phased out now in the Uk) a share of his pension, savings, etc. plus obviously child maintanence if applicable.
So long as you're married you have those basic protections, but obviously you might want more than that.
What would be fair in your eyes op?

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 08-Nov-17 03:17:21

What Cactus said.

ZombieVampireHedgehog Wed 08-Nov-17 03:20:44

Can you make pensions a joint thing?

How long have you been together?

IShouldntPostBut Wed 08-Nov-17 03:31:52

Things vary, but here you'd be entitled to half his pension as well...

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Wed 08-Nov-17 03:37:06

I can’t believe his parents (or he) made you sign a release if you are married!!!!

liminality Wed 08-Nov-17 04:05:38

When my friend separated from her husband, she got half his pension that he had accumulated - and half his student debt!
They take into account the fact that you spend time raising the kids and not accruing pension etc.
You have more solidity thatn you think.

I'd start making extra payments into a share investment scheme or superannuation scheme and up mine, if I was worried and in your position.

Do you think its likely you'd split up?

Mummyoflittledragon Wed 08-Nov-17 04:39:58

Definitely get some investments in your name. Shares, rental property etc just to even the balance.

itsnearlychristmas Wed 08-Nov-17 04:42:22

Why no savings if he's a high earner? That would bother me more.

LyannaStarktheWolfMaid Wed 08-Nov-17 11:59:09

Thanks for your replies. I don't think we'll split up, but I'd like to know that the reason I am not splitting up is not because I will be destitute if I do! We weren't married when I signed the release form. It was for the parents benefit rather than OH, it was a condition of them giving us the money - they had been previously burnt by an absconding spouse of one of OH siblings. Income has increased quite quickly, hence no savings as yet, powering through previous debts first. The problem is, his pension is amazing, mine is laughable. There is no point contributing to mine as the employers contribution is the minimum and his is really high. But then all the investments, as well as all the income, are in OH's name.

LyannaStarktheWolfMaid Wed 08-Nov-17 12:00:41

Been together 16 + years, but only married for 4. Thanks

SilverSpot Wed 08-Nov-17 12:03:40

Why should you have 'anything to show'? You haven't earned the money have you?

Sounds like you have had equal opportunities to education and work.

You don't mention children or disability.

Feel free to earn your own money if you want it.

SilverSpot Wed 08-Nov-17 12:04:33

I can’t believe his parents (or he) made you sign a release if you are married!!!!

Shit loads of marriages end in divorce. It is wise to protect your assets.

Mummyoflittledragon Wed 08-Nov-17 12:06:54

Because they’re a team Silver. Your post stinks of jealousy.

SilverSpot Wed 08-Nov-17 12:31:57

@Mummyoflittledragon but they won't be a team if they split...

In what way has the OP helped her DH bring in that cash? Has she left sacrificed her own well paying career to travel to a new location? Has she gone PT or WFH to look after children?

If so, fair enough.

If not, how fucking entitled to think you have a claim over another persons money when you have every opportunity to earn it yourself.

I could never be in a relationship with a man who earn significant less than me for this very attitude.

gunsandbanjos Wed 08-Nov-17 12:35:50

Are the 'tweenies' not children? Have I picked that up wrong?

Want2bSupermum Wed 08-Nov-17 12:39:57

What I am hearing is that you want your own money. I get it. Is your DH in agreement for you to go back to work?

IcingSausage Wed 08-Nov-17 12:40:50

I definitely read the op’s post as saying they have two children together.

BabyOrSanta Wed 08-Nov-17 12:40:59

guns I thought the Tweenies would be children... it's not just you

timeisnotaline Wed 08-Nov-17 12:43:10

Did silver not read as far as the op? Two Tweenies... hardly drip feeding.

IcingSausage Wed 08-Nov-17 12:44:56

In what way has the OP helped her DH bring in that cash? ... Has she gone PT or WFH to look after children?


Appuskidu Wed 08-Nov-17 12:45:21

What I am hearing is that you want your own money. I get it. Is your DH in agreement for you to go back to work?

The OP says she already works full time, just that it's low wages.

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