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AIBU to not want my brother and family to come for christmas

(66 Posts)
Pinkyblue123 Tue 07-Nov-17 19:22:44

My brother has invited him his wife and three kids to my house for Christmas. I know I’m at least his third choice as he originally planned to spend it with SIL’s family and then my other brother who lives abroad but due to the travel costs he has decided that it is too expensive. He lives a five hour drive away from me so if he came it would be for 4 days. I wouldn’t mind but my husband and I are not keen on SIL or how my brother has changed since being with her, she has can be really superior and is really lazy. She passes judgement about people drinking and as it’s Christmas and both my husband I will be having some hard earned time off work I don’t really want to A. Cook and clean up after 5 extra people (along with all the cost involved) plus have be on edge and feel we have to walk on eggshells so not to get snide comments from her. It is their turn to have my parents for Christmas and my SIL is not keen on my Dad so I think that the reason that they want to come to us is so they don’t have to host my parents and have a week long visit from them. This will mean that we will also have to have my parents which I am fine with but think it’s a bit unfair. Brother and SIL have all of Christmas off but my husband as to work between Xmas and NY so feel that the time we do have off will be really hard work. last year I did invite them as we had more time off and relationships were less strained then with SIL, they didn’t want to come then as said that they wanted a quiet Xmas at home. I feel that they expect everyone to jump when they want to go somewhere and know it is as they want to save money at the
moment as have just come back from and expensive holiday. AIBU to say no and how do I do it without causing offence?

Melony6 Tue 07-Nov-17 19:24:47

Tell them YOU want a quiet Christmas at home this year - naturally they will understand that.

Just say no.

bigchris Tue 07-Nov-17 19:25:20

Just say ' sorry we can't do five days just a couple of night's

Or you're welcome to come but can you stay in a hotel as we havent the room'

Or ' that doesn't work for us '

Justbookedasummmerholiday Tue 07-Nov-17 19:27:31

Sorry but we have already made our Christmas plans. We can come to you next year though....

FuzzyCustard Tue 07-Nov-17 19:28:30

"We're having a quiet Christmas on our own this year. I do hope you can make alternative arrangements"

MyBrilliantDisguise Tue 07-Nov-17 19:28:50

You repeat what they said last year. "Sorry, can't do that this year, we want a quiet Christmas at home."

Do NOT give in! Why should they decide to descend on you for a free Christmas holiday? It's up to you who you invite. Stay strong!

Wolfiefan Tue 07-Nov-17 19:28:59

Exactly what Melony said!

gunsandbanjos Tue 07-Nov-17 19:29:48

“No I’m sorry that doesn’t work for us, would love to go for dinner somewhere in the new year though.”

wobblywonderwoman Tue 07-Nov-17 19:30:29

Just say that due to dh working, you are just having Christmas by yourselves. Also remind them that your parents are hoping to go to them.

Enough is enough. Why should you gave all the work?

mustbemad17 Tue 07-Nov-17 19:30:50

Echo what's already said. Bit rude of him to just invite them to your house!
Personally i'd send something along the lines 'thought it was your turn to have mum & dad this year? Anyway, we have made plans already so can't have you guys this year, sorry'

ohfourfoxache Tue 07-Nov-17 19:33:37

As others have said: sorry but no - we’re having a quiet Christmas at home this year

Pinkyblue123 Tue 07-Nov-17 19:33:59

Thanks that makes me feel better, I do feel like they are taking the piss. My trouble is that I hate the conflict, if they really wanted to spend Christmas with us they should invite us to them not the other way round

Aquamarine1029 Tue 07-Nov-17 19:34:54

Honestly, this is not a problem. You just say no, that doesn't work for us. It really is that simple.

UrsulaPandress Tue 07-Nov-17 19:36:43

People cannot invite themselves to your house.

MinervaSaidThar Tue 07-Nov-17 19:39:02

Yes, tell them you're having a quiet Xmas this year as DH is working and you had a big one last year.

You don't them anything.

GrockleBocs Tue 07-Nov-17 19:44:28

Don't prevaricate. A quick "No that won't work. We have plans already. Still, plenty of time for you to order your turkey!"

littlebird7 Tue 07-Nov-17 19:49:47

Quick and to the point, with an excuse and remember it is your house and your christmas, and they should have waited to be invited.

Nquartz Tue 07-Nov-17 19:50:47

Think mustbemad has nailed it, you need to remind them it's their turn to host your parents, that shouldn't fall to you every year.

I'm surprised at the cheek of people, you don't invite yourself to someone's house for 4 days shock

Sugarpiehoneyeye Tue 07-Nov-17 20:09:32

I'm with @Melony. They don't want to spend Christmas with you, they want you to wait on them and entertain your parents.
Stick to your guns Pinky, otherwise you'll live to regret it !

Trafalgarxxx Tue 07-Nov-17 20:10:19

Yep thee is absolutely no reason why you wouod say to someone inviting themselves to your house when you enter want them To be there!

Just tell them that unfortunately you have already landed yoU ur Christmas and that you are really looking forward to a very quiTe Christmas.
Then ask them how things are going re your parents coming over.

SilverSpot Tue 07-Nov-17 20:30:08

SORRY BRO, we are working inbetween Xmas/NY and so not up to hosting at all this year. Just going to have a quiet one. Hope you get something sorted. Lots of love.

Maelstrop Tue 07-Nov-17 20:34:58

How did your brother tell you that he and the whole family were going to impose themselves on you?! And why didn't you just go 'No!'

MistressDeeCee Tue 07-Nov-17 20:35:12

Well say No then. In the time you took to write post you could have text or email your brother, with your reasons why you can't host. Once it's sent, then it's sent. & you stick to your No.

expatinscotland Tue 07-Nov-17 20:38:23

You don't need a conflict, you just message back one of the NO responses here. And keep repeating it. Over and over. The end. NO.

Pinkyblue123 Tue 07-Nov-17 21:26:21

He phoned me to ask, I was put on the spot and was a bit taken back as was not expecting it. I didn’t commit either way, it was only after when I though about it that I felt pissed off about it, if I’d had the presence of mind at the time I should have said no straight away, but it is difficult as I don’t want to upset anyone

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