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To NOT want to be reminded of things I did ages ago mid arguement?

(10 Posts)
horsesflybynight Tue 07-Nov-17 16:10:33

If I ever try to talk to my dh about something I'm not happy with, he deflects it by bringing up something I did a while ago. It's frustrating as I and up feeling like I can't ever say anything bad as he just starts on at me and I feel like I have to apologise?

My whole family used to do it too. Why do people do it? It's so annoying. How do others cope? Grrr.

Flowerbot Tue 07-Nov-17 16:32:48

Just calmly (if possible) say “that’s not the issue we’re discussing” and carry on making your point.

HappyintheHills Tue 07-Nov-17 16:36:46

He does for the same reason they did - because it works.
I like the answer given above and must remember it when H stresses me just like my mother and sister did.

Thesqueezermustghost Tue 07-Nov-17 16:37:33

happens to me constantly too! Hate it. Can never ever shake off the past.

LakieLady Tue 07-Nov-17 16:39:06

My ex used to do it. That's one of the reasons he's my ex.

Wiggles9408 Tue 07-Nov-17 16:42:09

Yeah this is the worst! It back you into a corner where no matter what you’re annoyed it ‘its not as bad as that time you...’ blah blah blah. I agree with first reply, when he mentions it just agree and say ‘we’ve discussed this plenty of times but it is not the issuable point at the moment.’ Then proceed. Don’t feel like you have to constantly apologise though, if you’ve both ‘moved on’ Then he shouldn’t use it as ammunition and during a time where you’re both okay and it’s just normal just say to him that it hurts you for him to constantly bring it up because he’s forgiven you and it’s not fair to use it as his one and only example of shutting down your valid points. Good luck

horsesflybynight Tue 07-Nov-17 17:15:40

Thanks; I hate it!

MissionItsPossible Tue 07-Nov-17 17:40:19

My bf does this, he will even bring up things that doesn't even involve him or happened before I knew him that he has heard anecdotally.

horsesflybynight Tue 07-Nov-17 17:42:41

Its really unfair because it means you can't discuss what's bothering you.

MorrisZapp Tue 07-Nov-17 17:46:50

Totally feel your pain. I must admit there are two sides to this though. A simple example is my DP sometimes comments negatively on food items I give to DS.

He's got a bloody cheek moaning at me for buying him apple juice 'from concentrate' when last week he decided in his wisdom that Sugar Puffs are a nutritious breakfast.

So yes I do mention last week. Or that time You Said that you thought I shouldn't do X. And now here you are, doing X. I won't let him have it both ways.

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