AIBU to really consider leaving a relationship because I don’t think it’s going anywhere

[Coffeeplease88]

Hi everyone,
I have been with a man 17 years older than me for nearly a year. We both have children from previous relationships and live an hour and a half apart. The relationship has been very intense and turbulent, but has taught me a lot, I have had the highest of highs and very low lows. A lot of the issues we’ve had have been to do with sexual fantasies.
He works full time and I’m doing a masters full time. I have suffered greatly from anxiety this year.
We took our children away for a couple of nights together a few months ago and he found it very very stressful,some of it was really good but I think the noise was a bit much for him,so I haven’t had my children around him since then.
We spend all our free time together (no children) and have a lot of fun. But I’m torn, I’m in love with him, and I get very upset when I leave him, but I have a gut feeling, this isn’t going to go anywhere, and I’m putting in a lot of time and effort as well as emotion. What do you think ?

[PaperdollCartoon]

I think trust your gut. A relationship not going anywhere is one of the best reasons to leave, not a small one.

[Coffeeplease88]

I do agree paperdoll and thanks for replying...but at the same time, I have absolutely no interest in anybody else, and I know I need time alone to work through a few things...so irrationally perhaps, I’m thinking why lose someone you love when you’re not ready to be in a fully fledged relationship?

[Shoxfordian]

It sounds like you're not entirely compatible from your issues with sexual fantasies. It also seems like he doesn't want a fuller relationship because he doesn't like spending time with your children.

If you're happy with how things are though and you don't want to marry him or live with him then you may as well carry on as it is

[Dashper]

Does it need to go anywhere right now? You sound very busy as it is.

[Coffeeplease88]

Dashper and Shox that’s the thing, it doesn’t need to as such be going somewhere right now, but I’m hurting thinking that there’s a limit to this, there’s only so far it’ll go. And that’s fine, it’s conpletely his decision about children and what he wants and I respect that. But I’m hurting, it’s difficult not being able to fully relax into it.
The sexual stuff, he says although he’s had these fantasies for many years, I’m the first girlfriend he’s spoken about it with

[Coffeeplease88]

I’m not articulating myself very well...I think what I mean is, I miss him so much that I spend a lot of time hurting, and so I want this investment to lead somewhere. In the beginning, we spoke about houses and cars big enough for us and our children...but so much has happened and that’s all stopped.

[Shoxfordian]

If you do want it to lead somewhere then you should have a conversation with him and see if he also wants more in the longrun. This may lead to him saying he definitely doesn't but then you'll know and can stop being so invested in it all