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To be scared about my next movements?

(20 Posts)
momentsofconstrictedlives Tue 07-Nov-17 07:41:20

I was offered a promoted position in my workplace last month, some 200 miles away from where I live.

Obviously, I am pleased to have a much better job and feel I am moving forwards in my career and life generally (things have rather stagnated over the last two years or so and I found myself in a bit of a rut.)

But I am also feeling a sense of anxiousness and worry that's really hard to shift. I'm worried about knowing no one at all. I have a horrible feeling that since my friends are married and have children the onus will obviously be on me to keep visiting in order to maintain the friendships and this can get difficult. I'm worried about seemingly small things such as finding somewhere to live (!) and immersing myself into a new life.

Has anyone done this and found it worked out for the best? I'm low on confidence at the moment!

Jamboree05 Tue 07-Nov-17 07:48:15

We did this. I'm not going to say it's easy, and I was moving with my partner so not complete alone, buy it is all very doable.

RE somewhere to live. If you are looking to buy, I would seriously rent for 6 months first and get to know the surrounding areas. Then look for somewhere you would like to buy.

When you get there, immerse yourself in everything- actively look for new friends as it will get lonely otherwise. Ask workmates out for a drink, go to local exercise/hobby groups (whatever your into). It's a little exhausting but you'll make friends quickly and can then settle into more of a routine.

As for your friends at home, they will still be there and many might like the offer of a weekend away to visit you somewhere nice. I will say though, that I found out who my true friends were when we moved as there was certainly some who I felt couldn't be bothered at all...

I'm sure you know all this and you will be fine. Congratulations on your new job and enjoy your new venture!!

Namethecat Tue 07-Nov-17 07:58:15

I can understand your worry, but that really is all it is. You don't say if you are single and will be doing this alone but I'll assume you are. Your employer has obviously seen a great potential in you and has given you the opportunity to improve your career and therefore lifestyle. As long as you are not moving to a massively expensive area you will be able to afford a better home (tick) You will meet new people,with new interests,in a new area (tick) your weekends will give you the opportunity of seeing / visiting new places (tick) and in a funny way being somewhat forced into doing this will prove to you that you are a strong,brave person who can take on the world ! (tick,tick,tick )

momentsofconstrictedlives Tue 07-Nov-17 08:35:03

Thanks. Yes, just me moving. Money wise, I won't be notably better off because I'll have to rent initially and it's an expensive area. Hopefully though it will be the right move in terms of going forwards.

QuestionableMouse Tue 07-Nov-17 08:55:38

If you're moving on your own, look for a house share?

InternetHoopJumper Tue 07-Nov-17 09:05:34

Have you asked your employer for assistant with finding a place to live? They are the ones asking you to move to an area you don't know and it's only fair if they at least put you on the right track for housing.

momentsofconstrictedlives Tue 07-Nov-17 09:07:31

I'm a bit old for house shares! smile

wewentoutonsunday Tue 07-Nov-17 09:10:58

I did this, but was a bit younger so most of my friends weren’t yet married, and we were already quite spread around.

I didn’t know a soul, and moved to a really small company. I did move into a house share, tbh, but that only lasted three months, then I moved on my own.

I found that accepting any invitations, going to lots of events, doing things by myself, all helped me make friends - even if some at the beginning did not last, they boosted my confidence and introduced me to people who still are my friends, over ten years later.

I am now married, kids, a good, wise circle of friends who I know well. Good luck!

momentsofconstrictedlives Tue 07-Nov-17 11:07:07

Thank you smile

LemonShark Tue 07-Nov-17 11:15:59

How old are you?

I moved cities away from my home town and did a house share. I was 28 and my seven housemates were from 22-40. Most were my age. I recommend one through a decent agency with en suites. It was fantastic, loved it!

Post on Facebook groups for interests in the new area before you go asking if anyone fancies a coffee when you arrive. I posted in a group for vegans in the area and got chatting to a great woman who ended up becoming my closest friend here, we've been friends a couple of years now.

As for keeping in touch it does tend to be me that goes back to my hometown, but that's fair considering everyone is concentrated there. I'm only 70 miles away so tend to go back at least once every fortnight for a few hours to see friends for coffee etc. A few have come to see me but it's mostly be going back. The onus is on the one departing so you'll want to prepare for that.

momentsofconstrictedlives Tue 07-Nov-17 11:25:18

Quite a lot older than you smile 36.

LemonShark Tue 07-Nov-17 11:35:14

Well you wouldn't have been the oldest in that house share. And I've been in others with people early thirties. Honestly you shouldn't let something so arbitrary as your age hold you back! Some house shares like my old one are aimed at older working professionals. Most were downsizing to save up for a mortgage or to travel. But you may be someone who prefers to live completely alone in which case disregard smile

LemonShark Tue 07-Nov-17 11:36:01

Ps not sure if you misread and thought I was one of the 22 year olds... but I'm almost thirty. Is six years older 'quite a lot older'!? Haha

misshannah Tue 07-Nov-17 11:52:15

I moved last year from London to the Midlands after being adamant i would never leave London. I met my DP and then moved for his work. I have found it very hard to leave my friends and I've not yet made any new friends but then i work 40 miles away from where we live and my the people i work with are much much older so we lead completely different lives. I do love the life we have now and don't regret moving, but it hasn't been easy, especially when i really want a girly night out!

momentsofconstrictedlives Tue 07-Nov-17 12:31:14

You're nearly 10 years younger than me smile I really don't think a house share is for me at this point but thank you

LemonShark Tue 07-Nov-17 15:11:20

I'm six years younger. How is that nearly ten? I've lost interest in the original thread query now I'm just fascinated by your maths!

momentsofconstrictedlives Tue 07-Nov-17 15:27:27

You said you were 28 when you moved. I'm 36 - 8 years. I don't actually start until 3 months by which time I'll be 37. Anyway, you might have lost interest but I haven't wink

Neverender Tue 07-Nov-17 15:29:36

That’s not too old for a house share! Especially in a city or expensive area. I’d definitely consider it as then at least you’d get to know some people

VoodooCat Tue 07-Nov-17 15:37:59

I'm in the tick box for 40-50 age group.
I've moved around 500 miles from my friends and I miss them terribly. I live very rural and I've made one good friend. It's tough sometimes.

momentsofconstrictedlives Tue 07-Nov-17 15:40:02

I really don't want to live with people I don't know ... it's just not for me.

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