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To not know how to fix this?

(8 Posts)
ImHereForTheBoos Mon 06-Nov-17 12:18:06

After years of court hearings with my ex over custody of our children, I finally thought life would go smoothly.

After my ex having no contact with the children and having therapy, he then had supervised contact which then progressed to every other weekend, one night in the week and half of the school holidays.

However, old issues are returning.
Manipulation and control over the children and bad mouthing me or anyone I spend time with.

Allowing them to play inappropriate games or watch films not suitable for their age.

They also used snap chat to keep in contact. But he will often ask them what they have eaten, where I have taken them. Will bad mouth my partner, tell them I should be spending more money on them or taking them out to better places. Basically making out I am inadequate.

The children are swearing and displaying aggressive behaviour, plus very disrespectful towards women and sometimes rasist.

I am trying so hard to bring them up to be happy and respectful. But this clash of parenting from two separate homes it’s causing problems. The children seem conflicted often.

I just want them to be happy children. And I want to be able to live my life too.

He isn’t someone I can have a reasonable conversation with. He is defensive and controlling.

I really do feel like I’m being a bad parent because I don’t know how to fix this.

Not sure why I have posted, but I have no one I can really discuss this with. I cannot work out if this is normal or something more serious.

rainandfire Mon 06-Nov-17 12:21:49

Sorry to say it but this is one reason I get fed up of the LTB ethos on here.

ImHereForTheBoos Mon 06-Nov-17 14:51:11

Please explain?

Furgggggg12 Mon 06-Nov-17 15:05:57

That's awful OP. Can you go back to court?

ImHereForTheBoos Mon 06-Nov-17 15:28:16

To go back to court would mean finding money for the application.

Also, it’s hard to prove any of it. There is no hard evidence if that makes sense.

Allthebestnamesareused Mon 06-Nov-17 15:31:06

Unfortunately there isn't much you can do other than carry on being a good parent to your children.

Call them out if they behave inappropriately around you (swearing and racism). Make them aware it is not acceptable behaviour.

Ignore his texts/demands as to how you spend your money. If your children raise it explain to them that you only have a certain amount of money so they can't always have certain things, go certain places.

In variably when one parent slags off the other to the children the children do (sometimes not until later) see through it and it backfires on the parent doing the badmouthing.

Just carry on being a loving mum to your kids, ignore the ex and be thankful that you made the right choice in making him your ex.

SnowBallsAreHere Mon 06-Nov-17 15:34:42

I’d put a stop to the snapchatting as messages are deleted.
If he wants to text crap, let him do it via a method where you or they can keep a record of it

ImHereForTheBoos Mon 06-Nov-17 18:25:31

I do try and be a good parent, it just feels like each time they go there all my hard work is undone.

I have already got rid of snap chat. I’ll suffer the back lash from that from the kids but needs must.

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